


Start Again/ Bucky X Reader

by BenSolo_Lives



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Anthony Mackie - Freeform, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Bucky barnes x reader - Freeform, Captain America Bucky Barnes, Captain America Sam Wilson, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Dom Bucky Barnes, Dom/sub, Domestic Avengers, Fan Comics, Fluff and Smut, Hydra (Marvel), Marvel Comics - Freeform, Marvel Universe, Oral Sex, POV Bucky Barnes, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Avengers, Protective Bucky Barnes, Public Sex, Rough Sex, Sebastian Stan - Freeform, Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, The Falcon (IT), The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV) Trailers, Vaginal Sex, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, bucky barnes smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 54,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28145610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenSolo_Lives/pseuds/BenSolo_Lives
Summary: After calling in sick to work due to a massive hangover the last person you expect to see at your door is the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.After learning some grim news things continue to spiral and you find your life in danger. Teaming up with the two Avengers you and Bucky find you have much in common, things get intense when it seems neither of you can run from your past.Bucky X Reader
Relationships: Bucky Barnes/ Original Female Character, Bucky Barnes/ You, James "Bucky" Barnes & Reader, James "Bucky" Barnes/Bucky Bear, James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson, sam Wilson/ reader
Comments: 15
Kudos: 56





	1. Start Here

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so I just wanted to post an intro to settle timeline and universe settings as well as just make any kind of general announcements. 
> 
> 1.) This is after Endgame, so no Tony or Steve :( 
> 
> 2.)Timeline is in the MCU, however I did base this partly off the comic "Falcon and Winter Soldier Vol. 1" this will not follow the story line or the canon in that comic
> 
> 3.) My writings are not canon but since we are in MCU the actors that play these respective characters are who they are written about. 
> 
> 4.) I do not own Marvel's characters but please be respectful of my original characters and my story, this is not canon and some things may fall out of past canon to carry the story. 
> 
> 5.) This will have 18+ content, smut smut smut 
> 
> So I am a little nervous about this story but I am also super excited. I want to be creative and this seems like a fun way to write and it not be too serious. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> ❤️🤍💙
> 
> -Marie

An alarm blaring at 6:00 AM felt like a bullet shooting through your brain. You lifted your hand momentarily to push snooze but decided to turn the whole thing off instead. There was no way in hell you were going to be able to get your ass out of bed. You managed to look at your phone long enough to open your email app, thank God for the talk to text feature. Work was going to have to decipher anything Siri may have misheard because you sent your homesick email without proofreading. In your state, they were lucky they got that much out of you.

Tossing your phone away from you, you rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. Ignoring your cottonmouth and the splitting headache that was starting to overwhelm your senses. Every time you closed your eyes the entire room started spinning and you could feel your stomach rocking like a sailboat. Your body was desperate for recovery but your symptoms were no longer numb making it impossible to get comfortable.

5 shots of tequila, 4 beers, and 9 hours ago you were getting ready for a date, and this one was exciting. You had been chatting with Harvey for 2 weeks now and this was the first time your schedules alined. It was hard getting excited to meet up with a tinder date but after two weeks of trying and failing to meet up, you felt as if you had established at least a little bit of a relationship, which made it all the more disappointing when you were sitting at the bar alone 2 hours after you were supposed to meet. You texted him 3 times and called him once before the first tequila shot and by the 5th your number had been blocked.

Another jackass who put up with you long enough to get a picture of your tits before passing over to be one of the ghosts of fuck boys past. Harvey was a douche name anyway. You held your breath as nausea started to creep up in hopes that it would dissipate, much to your dismay, you found yourself scrambling out of bed and making a beeline for the bathroom. Just in time you buried your head around your arms and emptied your stomach.

You felt gross and you could feel yourself sweating out the alcohol making your pores feel sticky. You started a hot shower to help sweat out the toxic liquid from your body and relaxed your muscles under the warm stream. Washing your hair of the hairspray and the smell of cigarette smoke you could feel last night rinsing down the drain.

When you got out you grabbed a pair of yoga pants, a sports bra, and an oversized t-shirt. Comfort was key. You brushed your teeth slammed 4 Tylenol and a bottle of water before sitting on your couch that would be acting as your hospital bed for the day. Flipping on the television you stopped on the reruns of the 90's sitcom you'd watched a million times in your childhood. Refusing to use your brain was going to be the best way to heal it from the torturous episode you inflicted upon yourself last night.

You could feel yourself dozing as the headache started to subside, the Tylenol was taking effect. Sleep had started to overcome you and you let yourself fall into the sweet darkness under your eyelids.   
  
  
  
  
  


You heard a knock on your door. It only felt like moments later but you were unsure how much time had passed at that moment. You ignored it at first, thinking it was an unwanted solicitor that would think the house was empty and leave. The second knock was louder, but you stayed still, the third sounded like it was going to break through the wood of your front door. It wasn't until you heard whoever was on the other side of the door called your name, that you realized they weren't going away and they were not here mindlessly.

You stood and walked to the entryway, looking through the peephole you could have sworn you were dreaming. You pulled your face back and laughed at the trick your mind must have been playing on you. You heard your name again coming from the other side of the door, followed by the man's loud voice saying, "We can hear you laughing."

You opened the door and recognized the faces staring back at you. "Are you Y/N?" Bucky asked as he rounded the corner.

You shook your head yes in response. Without invitation or explanation, they pushed past you and walked into the living room. Sam reached your couch before grabbing the remote and turning off your tv. You stood in shock, the Falcon just turned off your fucking tv.

You were standing staring as Sam turned back to look at you, that you almost missed the shadow of the Winter Soldier walking into your kitchen. "What the hell is going on?!" You yelled sounding unsure, you didn't know if you were supposed to be mad or confused by their presence.

Sam looked over at you, "I need you to calm down."

You heard Bucky yell from the other room a second later, "clear in here."

He stormed out of your kitchen and turned to walk into your bedroom, you decided to follow him this time to figure out what exactly he was clearing.

"Hello? Metalman, what the fuck are you doing?"

He looked at you and just yelled, "Sam" before you could say anything else Sam was pulling your arm and leading you back into the living room. You turned out the door of your bedroom just before you saw Bucky walking into your bathroom, this was mortifying, you threw up in there this morning.

You pulled your arm trying to get Sam to release his grip but he had a good hold on you. You continued squirming and this time with fury behind your voice you yelled, "What. THE. FUCK. is GOING ON?!"

Sam looked at you with a sorrow look and your stomach dropped again and you knew something was wrong, really wrong. Bucky rejoined you both and looked at Sam shaking his head indicating that he didn't find whatever the hell it was that he was looking for. Bucky turned his head to look at you, he looked mad and you found yourself taking a step back in Sam's direction. Your confidence was fading as fear began to spike in your gut.

"Do you want to explain why you didn't show up to work this morning?"

You laughed at his question. You worked a government job so the idea that the Winter Soldier and the Falcon were used as assets by the United States government to report your truancy seemed like a pretty good joke.

Your laughter, however, subsided when Bucky's brow furrowed and lips pierced showing that he was unamused. You backed up a bit more and he took a step towards you.

"Everyone at your office was found dead, you're the only one that wasn't there, no blood on your desk. So, care to explain?" he asked in a low growl.

"Wait, all of them? They're all dead?"

He shook his head answering your question and you pulled your hand to your mouth before actually taking off for the bathroom again. Your stomach turning at his words, everyone in the office is gone just like that. What the fuck?

**_ (Falcon & Winter Soldier issue #1) _ **

Emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet for the second time that morning became violent. Your body started to convulse when your stomach had nothing else to let out but your esophagus continued to spasm. You rolled your hair to the side as you pulled your head back from the seat and leaned against the wall catching your breath. Luckily neither of your house guests had followed after you, you were grateful as you wiped the tears from your eyes before standing and sorting yourself back out.

You head a loud crash from the living room and you felt your blood boil. That insufferable iron motherfucker was tearing your shit up looking for what? Your secret evil lair? With a grunt, you started marching out of your bathroom back into your bedroom. When you reached the door frame of your bedroom you looked out to see Sam's body flying backward in the air and smashing into the car window in your kitchen. You froze as Bucky was struggling to stand against the couch. Some fucking 12 years old was in your living room throwing these men around like rag dolls.

Part of you wanted to run and hide but you saw Sam pick himself up, face bleeding as he walked back in the direction of the kid. This boy was no taller than 5'5" he was blonde and was wearing shorts and a sweater vest over a button-down shirt for christ sake. He looked like he just got home from prep-school, only he was throwing a super-soldier into your couch with ease.

He yelled something to Bucky about Hydra and your eyes went wide. You backed up from the doorframe and retreated to your room to grab.....Something. You didn't know what but your mind was running a million miles an hour and you were desperate to get this kid to calm the fuck down. You looked around for a blunt object, something sharp, anything. As you scrambled you heard the front door open and close. The commotion went quiet and Sam yelled out your name. You start to walk back to the doorframe slowly, only to see the two former Avengers.

You took a moment to grab your chest and try to slow your heart rate. Your adrenaline was pumping and you could no longer control your emotions as your breaths become quick and shallow. Taking gulping breaths you doubled over and begin to hyperventilate before falling on your knees.

Noticing your heightened state a battered Bucky made his way over to you and grabbed your shoulders. You're feeling has gone numb and you cannot feel his hands rubbing up down your arms as he tried to get you to pace your breathing out.

"Look at me, Doll." he said quietly, "look at me right here."

He ducked his head slightly to make eye contact with you keeping his hands moving in the gentle calming strokes.

"Take a deep breath in and let it out slow for me okay." You stared into his icy blue eyes his demeanor is surprisingly calm for someone who just got the absolute shit beat out of him, but you were thankful for it.

"You're doing so good, keep going just like that." he continues coaching you out of your panic attack and you feel the tightening in your chest start to slowly relax.

It was like he flipped a switch in him, his anger turning into care. It took you a moment but once you started to calm yourself Sam gave you a glass of water and Bucky encouraged you to drink it, still giving you small reassurances and praise as you sipped slowly on the glass.

Looking around you noticed this glass looked like the only thing in your house that wasn't broken. Having two full-grown men, one of them being practically indestructible, thrown around your homemade quite the mess.

You could feel your panic start to set back in when the distress crawled its way back up your spine, who was that boy, how did he get in here, and how was he taking down these two? Bucky noticed your eyes go wide as you started looking and he quickly grabbed either side of your face and made you look at him. This time you could feel the cold metal of his hand on your cheek and he shushed you until your tears slowed.

"It's okay, you're going to be fine but you can't stay here do you understand me?" He asked you calmly. You didn't want to, how on earth could you ever feel safe in this place again? You nodded your head and swallowed a lump in your throat. Your mouth was dry again so you took another sip feeling the cool water splash into your empty stomach.

Bucky stood up and went back into your bedroom for a few minutes, you heard him rustling around but you stayed still staring off at nothing. Staying on the knees you had collapsed on your feet started to tingle, indicating they were being cut off from blood circulation. Sam stood beside you making sure your breath was staying consistent. When Bucky returned he had a duffle bag from your closet. He looked down at you and grabbed your arm helping you stand.

"I grabbed the basics but is there anything you want to bring? Something you can't replace?" He asked in a soft voice while maintaining the urgency he had to get the hell out of there. You shook your head no. You had long lost anything that had sentimental value. You had the locket on your neck, but that never came off and everything else in your world could be rebought.

Just like that Bucky was pulling you out the door, his motorcycle was parked on the street in front and he grabbed his helmet and gave it to you. He slung the duffle around your body letting it rest behind you. He pulled himself onto the bike and then reached his hand to you helping you balance before he situated himself completely.

Giving a nod to Sam, because apparently these men never verbally communicate, Sam's arms flew out to his sides, and with it, his electric wings extended and he jumped up before flying through the air.

Bucky started his motorcycle the roar startled you at first until he grabbed your arms and pulled them to his waist. He patted the top of your hands, "hold on tight" He yelled so you could hear him. He pulled away from your house and the air whipped around your bodies as the ground flew beneath you.

You didn't know where you were going, what was happening, or why this was your reality but holding on to the Winter Soldier was a lot better than getting drinks with some douche named Harvey.


	2. Step 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my fic, this is the longest chapter I have ever written. It took forever but I am really proud of it and I hope you'll enjoy. Please let me know if you prefer frequent short chapters or weekly longer chapters. I am here for all you lovely people. Also I have been so excited about everyones reaction I did finish the entire Falcon & Winter Soldier comic book series today :)
> 
> Enjoy!  
> ❤️🤍💙  
> -Marie 

Your hold on Bucky got tighter as he sped down the road. You were leaving the city and from what you could tell he was heading upstate. You tried to read the signs but your head was far too clouded to read at the speed Bucky was driving. You tried hard to focus on the ride you were on, being present and mindful in the moment as to not overthink the fucked up shit that had occurred today all before 3 PM.

You noticed the vibration of the bike, the sound of the engine rumbling, the air that would gust up as you passed other vehicles. You focused on the smell of gas and oil burning on the highway, the way Bucky's hair was tickling your face as his body was pressed against you. The way your arms felt holding his waist, the smell of leather from his jacket that wafted up as you placed your head down between his shoulders to block your eyes from stinging in the wind.

The biggest distraction, however, was the way his body would lean with the motorcycle when he would change lanes. His midsection would flex and you could feel his muscles contract in different places around your arms. You felt your body instinctively move with his, forcing your hands to stay locked together when really you just wanted to rub up and down the expanse of his body. It was very, very distracting. 

When Bucky's speed started to slow he pulled off the highway and rode down a few small-town roads. The movement of his turns was larger than the ones he made just switching lanes and you weren't sure if he could hear the moans you were trying desperately to stifle. After a while, he turned down a dirt road and you felt your breathing pick up.

The ride was ending, which meant you would have to face the reality of your situation. No longer could the Tin soldier's body be your primary thought. You would get answers you weren't sure you were at all prepared for. Relive the sight of a boy throwing around combatively trained grown men. Everyone in your office was killed the day you called out, why were the Captains America knocked the fuck out in your living room? Your head started to haze again and your neck felt like gravity had started to push a little too hard on your skull.

The chainlink fence swung open as Bucky stopped. He sat waiting until it was open all the way, his right foot left the pedal to prop the bike up and keep you both steady. You watched the way his thigh pulled against his black pants. Too soon he started roaring down the dusty road again.

When he turned at the top of the hill you saw nestled down in the valley a compound. There were several buildings tucked into the side of the hills making it near impossible to see them from the sky. A great way to camouflage the home of the remaining Avengers. He drove down until the hill sloped and his bike was winding under one of the structures over paved concrete where there were several other vehicles parked along the walls. He killed the engine and held the bike steady as you got off.

When you stood you could still feel the lasting vibration between your legs, Bucky saw you fumbling as you were getting your footing so he grabbed your arm until you were more sure of your stance. By the time you unhooked the chin strap and removed the helmet Bucky was off the bike waiting for you. He held his arms out in case your body began to fumble again but you inhaled deeply and pushed your shoulders down before you started walking.

When he pushed open a door you felt a chill run down your spine. It was much cooler down here than it was on the bike. Even with the wind blowing your skin was still under the sun, this was underground and not nearly as warm. You followed him quietly through industrial underground hallways until he reached a door that he opened and allowed you to walk through first.

When you entered the space it threw you off a bit. It was as if you'd just walked into someones living space rather than stepping into a bunker. The room was a good size and you could see a seating area that looked like it was set up for more than just a single-family. It reminded you of the rec rooms they have in downtown apartments that no one ever really uses but the owners put in so they can uncharge the rent.

Sitting on one of the couches was a bandaged and casually dressed Sam Wilson. He stood as you and Bucky walked in the door, motioning for you to come closer and you followed Bucky as he walked in front of you to sit on the couch across from Sam.

Sam sat again and Bucky looked back at you like they were waiting for a bomb to explode. You felt that in your mind, unsure if you should combust with rage, fear, or sorrow. You sat still looking down at your hands on your lap trying desperately to sort the thoughts that were running through your mind at a million miles an hour. Making eye contact right now would be way too much for your fragile state.

Sam spoke first, his voice fragile and slow. "What happened?" he asked as if that was going to be a quick easy answer. You felt your body pull in the air before letting it out with a loud sigh. You could see Bucky lean back against the couch with his arms folded over his chest from the corner of your eye, he seemed to have much less patience for your trauma. You couldn't bring the words to your mouth to speak. In honesty, you had no fucking clue, but articulating that seemed impossible.

"Why were you at home today, why didn't you go to work? Let's start there." Sam said softly again trying to coddle you more than the metal boy.

"I'm hungover." You whispered. Slightly ashamed of the fact that it was true, even if that seemed more than insignificant at the moment.

"Convenient." Bucky sighed at your admission.

You rolled your eyes at his sarcasm and felt a bit of rage rise in your chest. Sam must have seen it in your eyes because he let out a forced cough catching Bucky's attention before widening his eyes in Bucky's direction. 

"Buck," Sam said with a stern voice, clearly not appreciating the Tin Man's lack of a heart.

"Sorry" Bucky mumbled back in response, though it was unclear to know who the apology was meant to be for.

"Who was the kid?" you asked finding it was the first thought that you could form into a complete sentence.

"We aren't sure yet," Sam said trying to be reassuring, but it didn't make you feel better.

"Why did he just leave though, he was clearly able to overpower both of you??"

Sam sat up a little straighter at your comment puffing his chest out, Bucky rolled his eyes.

Sam cleared his throat, "We will find him, and I am sure we will be able to soon offer you an explanation but we are going to need your help if we are going to figure it out. We need you to tell us what you know."

"I don't fucking know anything!" You yelled out tears gathering in your eyes rapidly and they began streaming heavily down your face. You were troubled by everything, and nothing seemed to be getting better, being interrogated by superheroes was the last thing you needed right now. The way Sam said he needed your help made your head swim like they were depending on you.

Well, damn were about to disappoint because you were more clueless than they were.

You felt your head spin again, and the blood rushes to your head. When your gaze moved from your lap up to Sam he looked at you like you were a ghost. You heard him gasp but you couldn't see what he was reacting to because your vision went black and your mind went blank. 

——————————————

You felt around before opening your eyes. You were in a bed but you could tell right away from the feel of the thin sheets and the plastic mattress that you weren't home.

Home, you remembered your home and the events that took place there and it all came rushing back. Your eyes shot open as the memory became visible in your mind. Desperate not to live in that again you looked around taking in your surroundings and trying to figure out where your lost time had gone.

It looked like a clinic, open white walls and floors with a bed staggered every 10 feet or so surrounded by matching machinery. The room was not large but it looked practically unused, you noticed a call button on the side of your plastic bed and pushed it. Perhaps another living person could tell you what the hell happened.

A few moments passed quietly, then a nurse walked into the room and looked directly at you.

"Hello, how are we feeling?" he asked as he reached down and turned the call button off on your bed.

"What happened?" That seemed to be the question of the goddamn day.

"You fainted, you've had quite the adventure and you were very dehydrated. Had an entire bolus in 25 minutes. We heard about your anxiety fit so the doctor gave you some medicine to keep you asleep for a while. " The man was looking over you while he placed a blood pressure cuff on your right bicep. He grabbed a thermometer off the side of the cart and placed a plastic cover over it before directing it to your mouth. You followed the silent instruction and opened your mouth and lifted your tongue.

The blood pressure cuff started to expand and cut off your circulation. It was a dull irritating feeling but it grounded you. Your head was full of questions that no one could seem to answer but the mediocre feeling of having your blood pressure taken reminded you once again that you were just a human and it was enough to distract you for a few brief moments.

"I'll let the doctor know that you're up, I will also get someone from psyche down here so you can talk to them. Can I get you anything else?" he said as he was removing the cuff and thermometer from your person and putting them back in their place. He started writing information from the machine down on his clipboard as he waited for a response.

You shook your head no, asking for anything that they weren't giving you at this point felt uncomfortable. It only took a few moments for the doctor to come in and introduce herself to you.

"Hi, I am Dr. Crumpler" she offered you a smile, she was short in stature but her presence seemed big. She started flipping through your chart looking over what her nurse had written about your latest vitals. "You look good physically, but how are you feeling?" She asked looking at you sympathetically.

"I uh, I am just a little overwhelmed I think. A little hungry but I'm not in any pain."

"You slept for about 15 hours so I figured you may be hungry. I'll have the nurse call out for some food. Dr. Klein should be here in about an hour so just try and relax until she can get up here. I'm going to go ahead and get you on a daily medication for your anxiety and we will monitor your reactions on that, alright?"

You nod again, they seemed nice enough but sitting in an empty, quiet room for an hour in your mental state almost sounds like torture. Desperate for a distraction you start twiddling your thumbs and picking at your cuticles. It's a nervous habit you wish you could kick but as your fingers start to bleed from your jagged pulling you place the sore in your mouth tasting the copper as you suck on it in an attempt to clot the bleed. The taste warmed your mouth and made your stomach want to turn. There had been almost 24 hours with no food after violently puking twice from your drunken stupor.

The nurse brought your food in about 20 minutes later. It was a simple bowl of chicken and vegetable soup with crackers. You nibbled on the crackers while you slowly sip the broth. You were thankful for the simplicity you didn't want to put any more strain on your stomach too quickly. After only a few crackers and a dozen spoonfuls of broth you found yourself feeling full. Luckily the door opened and another woman appeared in a white coat.

Dr. Klein had a calming demeanor, she was older than you probably around 50. She had an easy way of talking with you but was very careful not to interrupt you. She tried to work with you on your anxiety. Teaching you to breathe through things, and reminding you that an irrational reaction may not change the outcome. It was blissful to feel like you had someone you could talk to even if it was just your therapist.

She was the one that broke the news to you, you weren't a prisoner but they couldn't let you leave not yet anyway. You'd have to stay here until everything had been figured out.

You began crying at her words, it's not like you had anywhere to go and you figured this is was what it was going to come to but you were once again hit by the fear that you had no answers, no reasoning for your situation. You cried and took your gulping breaths. Dr. Klein tried her best to distract you, to calm you down but you couldn't help the emotion rocking you to your core. You explained to her through a curtain of snot and tears that you were unable to offer a solid alibi other than being a normal fucking human with normal sad single girl problems.

She shushed you before apologizing for burying the lead. You had no longer been a suspect in the massacre, it turned out that The Federal Bureau of Utilities in Manhattan was also attacked, unfortunately for them they were all at work that day. Since it wasn't just the Brooklyn office that was hit, it seemed more like a hit on the entirety of the FBU.

The FBU wasn't a job that was commonly known by the public, you were told when you were hired and cleared that it was easier to tell people you worked in government payroll something believable and simple. The FBU however, was anything but simple.

At the end of the day, you weren't exactly sure as to what the other people in your office did on the day to day, asking questions about desk work or field assignments was frowned upon at the FBU.

You were working with the camera and weight scale analysis. It was your job to make sure that these technologies were installed and working in your designated sector. Then you would gather the data and pass it up to analysis.

It was easier to not ask questions as to why the government had created multiple jobs to collect this data, and thinking about it too hard made you feel guilty. Constantly watching and counting the number of cars at a stoplight at any given time. Watching backroads for the frequency in which they're used. If it wasn't important then you wouldn't have needed to lie about what you did, if it was so innocent you wouldn't have to go through 4 months of security clearance. This is why you couldn't think about it too hard because you knew your hands weren't clean and you knew that none of your colleagues who were murdered were either.

Still, the entire thing seemed wrong, you didn't know the interworking of everyone there but you knew that if had you been there it would have been nearly impossible for you to protect yourself. Surely you couldn't have been the only one there who was clueless on how to survive a life or death situation, and that was the part of this that really made your stomach churn.

"There is a reason whoever did this went after the FBU, so until we find out who and why we need you to stay here, so you can be protected."

"You still think I am in danger?"

"Well, your absence in the office must have been noted since that boy knew where you lived and he knew that the Americas Soldier would show up once they also put the pieces together.

You could be a target or you could just be a tactic to get our people caught in a trap. Either way, it's not safe for you to be out, or for your location to be known." She was being kind and soft in her explanation but her words were still terrifying. You tried desperately to breathe through the shock of knowing you had escaped death too many times for your liking.

You tried to think of a response, tried to mull over the feelings you were experiencing but there was no argument that what she was saying wasn't the reality of your situation. You sat motionless for a few moments looking at the palm of your hand. You hadn't noticed you were clawing your fingers into your skin leaving little crescent-shaped indentions on your red irritated skin.

"What can I do for you now, dear?" She spoke in a whisper.

You thought it over again, still not knowing what to say. Your gaze lifted and you matched her eyes. You stared at one another briefly before you lifted your shoulders in a soft shrug. Things had been overwhelming and uncomfortable and there wasn't a thing you could think of that would make it better.

"Let's get you settled in then." She said in a nurturing voice and you just nodded in agreement.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


An agent came in to escort you to the living quarters of, what everyone kept calling "The Hill". It was many hills and they were more of giant hobbit holes but you weren't here when they were coming up with the nickname so you guess it's fair to take the L on that one.

Walking back down through the industrial tunnels agent Cabe pointed at the different hallways explaining what you could find at the end but it was far too much information to absorb. You'd ask for a map later if you needed but this was overstimulation in the worst way.

When she arrived at the end of the hall leading to the living quarters you walked in as she held the door for you. She looked down at the folder she'd been holding and said, "You'll be in room 41."

You walked through the door and found yourself in a long hallway of doors. It looked like a very plain hotel. It was a nice facility but apparently, Stark Industries didn't think hallway decoration was all that important. They did opt for heat and drywall which was lucky, it made it feel less like a prison. Walking through the halls the only thing that changed with the passing of each door was the numbers on them.

She scanned a key card on the door labeled 41 and you watched it light up and make a noise.

"Place your thumb on the pad," she instructed.

You did as you were told and saw the red light pass under your skin. The red light went off and a blue one lit up beeping like R2-D2. The door unlocked and agent Cabe reached between you and the door turning the handle before pushing it open for you. You walked in first but held the door for her to follow you in.

The room was a lot larger than you had expected, there was a little living space and a door to the actual bedroom, when you opened the closet you saw the duffle bag you'd arrived with sitting on the luggage rack. Attached to the room was a bathroom that was larger than the one at home. You looked around while agent Cabe gave you more information, this time you tried to pay extra attention because you assumed once she left she wasn't coming back and you'd be left to wander around the hill on your own.

"Now that your thumb is in the system all cleared rooms will open to you just like your room. If you need to get some food please call the kitchen unless it is between the times of 6-8:30 am, 11 am-1:30 pm, or 6-8:30 pm. There is a full-time staff there but they don't make food unless it's mealtimes. You'll be left to feed yourself on the weekends though. You, agent Barnes, and on and off agent Wilson are the only people here full time at the moment so we don't need to have a cook staff when the agents and employees aren't all working."

You nodded at her information trying your best to remember mealtimes, and what fucking day of the week it was. You looked puzzled but Cabe kept talking.

"If you need anything there is a tablet on your nightstand, you can make me a list and I will send it through to our team to ensure you're comfortable. I will leave your folder on the desk, this just has information about the hill as well as any numbers you may need. I have circled my number since I am your assigned agent. I work Monday - Friday 9 am-5 pm if you need me in an emergency you may call me after hours."

You looked at her and nodded, because when she said the word 'need' she said it like she wanted to follow that up with, "but you don't need me."

"If there is nothing else miss I will leave you." She raised her brow at you but you genuinely were terrified of her and couldn't think of a thing that she didn't cover or that packet didn't cover.

"No, I think you covered everything. Thank you so much." She nodded at you and exited your room without another word.

You were alone, this was the first time you had felt truly alone since your nap on your couch. You were in your private room, no one was going to unexpectedly walk in. There was no one looking at you like you were going to break. There was no metal armed Fabio to hold on to. It was just you and it felt beyond lonely. You felt the sting in your eyes as you tried desperately not to let the tears that were welling up fall.

You walked back into the bathroom and turned on the water, looking through your belongings that Bucky had packed for you he had grabbed your toothbrush and toothpaste. There was no shampoo or conditioner but your razor and body wash cut, fucking men. Grabbing what you needed you placed your things in their new home in the bathroom. There were travel-sized bottles on the shelves and those would get you by for now but you made a mental note to add these incidentals to your tablets list.

Dropping the scrubs the nursing staff gave you to travel from the medical building to housing you stepped into the glass-walled shower. The water was a welcome feeling on your aching muscles. You put your head back and let the water cascade down your head. You felt like there was an inch of unclean matter on your skin and you scrubbed your skin red trying to get it off. The smell of having your body wash was more comforting than you realized it would be, it was nice having even a little piece of familiarity in your life.

Grabbing the miniature size of shampoo from the shelf you squeezed almost all of its contents in your hand before rubbing it into your scalp. The bubbles lathered under your fingers and your nails scratched into your scalp and you could almost moan at how good it felt. Closing your eyes to rinse your hair you saw the sight of Sam's body being thrown against the wall, you snapped your eyes open no longer worried about getting soap in your eye.

When you were finished you wrapped up in one of the towels hanging on the rack, walking back into your room you grabbed the tablet, before you forgot you wanted to add the few things Bucky had forgotten. You spent almost an hour scrolling through the device and learning the restrictions and freedoms it had. You could pull up pretty much any movie in the database and connect it to your tv, but no porn. You weren't all that bothered by it but your heart nearly stopped when you saw that it was 8 pm on Friday, which meant you were on your own in the Stark Industries bunker, hill, bullshit cult compound for the next two days. Fuck.


	3. Step 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves, so I uh hated writing this chapter just because it's not super fun. It was important for the story and you'll see I tried to have a bit of fun but it's a filler. I hope you enjoy I am working on Step 4 tomorrow and I am so excited. Also IDK when I will be releasing things. I know I should save some stuff to keep up my sleeves but I get so excited and want to post everything the moment I am done. 
> 
> Enjoy!  
> ❤️🤍💙  
> -Marie

You woke in your darkroom, underground rooms didn't have windows that lead to sunlight so you had no idea what time it was. Your long nap in the infirmary really threw off your natural sleep pattern. You rolled over slowly in the bed and tapped your finger to the datapad. The screen illuminated and displayed the time 4:45 Am.

Hell no, it was too fucking early.

You closed your eyes again hoping for sleep but found overwhelming hunger pains instead. After your shower last night you stayed in and watched movies until sleep took over. Your body was feeling weak, the sleeping medication you were given hadn't fully left your system and your stomach was still queasy. You were satisfied with the small number of crackers and soup broth you were able to keep down earlier and that felt like enough to hold you over.

This morning, however, your body was paying for the excitements and abuses of the last few days. You groaned at the growl in your belly and desperately tried to ignore the cramping pains in hopes to find a few more hours of sleep. After about 20 minutes of fighting your body, you relented and growled at your surrender, as you got out of your bed.

You slept naked last night, you saw no point in putting on clothes in your own bed plus the One-Armed Wonder forgot to pack your pajamas. Although, you did notice there was a ridiculous amount of your underwear like he just dumped your entire lingerie drawer in there. That was an odd thought, boy wonder touching your panties. You shook your head trying your hardest to ignore the butterflies that gave you.

After pulling on 1 of the 50 pairs of underwear, you found a t-shirt dress stuffed in the duffle bag. It just looked like a long pink and white tie-dyed Def Leppard shirt, but it rode down to your mid-thigh. Usually, you would belt it maybe add some fishnet stockings with it but there was no accessories insight. Also missing was any form of shoes other than the hospital slides that you were given yesterday. Those would have to do, for now, this was just a quick way to get something in your system before your body decided to start eating yourself from the inside out. You had every intention of climbing back into bed as soon as your stupid stomach was addressed.

Upon further inspection of your welcome folder that Cabe left for you, there was, unfortunately, no map. You had been so distracted you forgot to ask for one, and in all honestly you hadn't realized at the time that there wasn't going to be anyone around for 2 days.

You left your room and headed down the fluorescent-lit hallway then to the door you entered the day before. Back in the tunnels you felt a chill again and almost regretted not bringing a blanket with you. There is another thing to add to your list of needs, a sweater. Being underground constantly even in summer was going to be an adjustment, especially since the main tunnel didn't have any central heating.

You walked through the hill until you came to the first split. The hill was set up to run down the main hallway you were in now, then at the splits, you'd walk down a way to get to a door leading into the various facilities the hill had to offer. The cafeteria, the infirmary, the agents' offices, and the housing units. You tried to go down each hallway as quickly as possible in your quest for food but without knowing where you were going it seemed a little redundant and quite irritating to walk 100 yards down a hallway just to open a door to a room full of mundane cubicles.

When you stumbled into a room that was full of stainless steel tables and plastic chairs your body jolted, feeling a sense of accomplishment, as sad as that seemed. You followed the line of tables to the opposing wall before walking through the swinging silver door. The kitchen was large and industrial. It had many appliances that you were not even going to attempt touching, but there was enough familiarity in a few things that you could definitely make it work.

You opened the fridge looking for anything you could grab and eat in a hurry. You found cheese sticks first, you grabbed three of them and savagely ripped one open before eating it at an ungodly pace. Opening the drawers you saw a dwindling amount of fruits and vegetables. It made sense that the product probably came in at the start of the week. It being Saturday morning meant there were slim pickings. You grabbed an apple and a tangerine before kicking yourself up onto the stainless steel workspace. The metal was cold on the bottom of your thighs but you were far too focused on the food in your hands to give a shit.

After finishing your fruit and cheese you looked around a bit more, taking things in a bit slower. You could still eat but the jitters left your hands and you found more composers with a semi-fed body. Looking through the pantry for more rations you could see the definitive differences between what was there for the masses and what was there for the residence. There was a long line of boxes filled with oversized cans of tomato sauce and jars of mayonnaise. Sitting on a different shelf there were stacks of protein bars and whole wheat cereals. You grabbed a protein bar and ate the chalky chocolate with a sour look on your face. You'd have to find leftovers for lunch.

Collecting an extra apple and 3 different bottles of various drinks you decided to make your way back to your room. There was clearly going to be some additions to your list for Cabe, one of which included Goldfish and maybe Oreos if you were feeling bold. When you walked back down into the tunnels you could hear muffled music coming from the end of one of the hallways. It intrigued you since there was silence the entire way to the kitchen and even after opening several doors before you found the kitchen, you hadn't heard any noise. You decided to explore a little and investigate. What the hell.

Walking up to this door you noticed, the function of the room was clearly a training area. What threw you off was that half the lights were off, it looked like it was undisturbed, even closed. There was big metal machinery all over a black shockproof floor. Various weights along the walls, and cardio machines facing a wall of screens. You walked in slowly and placed your snacks on the floor by the door. You had no idea about the bug situation down here and getting chewed out for taking food to your room was not something you wanted to deal with right now.

You walked across the room and noticed that the wall of mirrors was just a separation structure to the back half of the gym. You stood against the cinder brick wall placing your hands over the painted concrete before peaking around the corner. You could see the speakers propped against the wall playing, "Wild Man Blues by Louis Armstrong"

Scanning your eyes across the room still standing in your far away position your eyes scanned the room. You saw the light on the inside of the sauna illuminate the otherwise dark room. You saw his profile first and you surprised yourself when you audibly gasped. Slapping your hand to your mouth you brought yourself back to the mirrored side of the wall to collect yourself.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Bucky was naked, you just saw Bucky naked, naked was the state in which you had just seen Bucky. Although what you saw was definitely PG-13, you had seen the Winter fucking Soldier naked.

You couldn't help yourself, and you weren't sure your eyes weren't playing tricks on you. Plus you were desperate to know if your presence was noticed or if you had gotten away with your accidental peep show. You peered your head back around looking again and he hadn't seemed to have moved from his previous stance which caused you to breathe slightly easier. Well, as easy as you could given the sight in front of you. Your gaze lingered a moment longer and you honestly it felt impossible to look away.

He was standing in the sauna facing the wall, giving you the perfect view of his glistening muscles. You could only see the right side of his body, but it was a full-body silhouette. You noticed his thighs first the way they puckered out to his glutes in a sturdy chiseled outline, the lines defining the muscle on the front of his thigh caused your heart to beat a little faster. The sweat from the sauna made his skin sparkle and you couldn't help but notice the drops of sweat beading from his obliques to his lower abs. Then, as if it were an unconscious attempt to actually murder you, his arm went up and began pushing back his long dark hair from his face. Pulling his bicep up gives you a better view of the sculpted muscles on his abdomen as it stretched him from his natural stance and caused him to tense, you felt your breathing stop altogether.

Having been distracted by the beautifully naked man in front of you you hadn't noticed that outside the sauna on a table was his metal arm. Instantly that broke your trance, you felt certain now how wrong this was. It felt like you were invading every bit of his intimate privacy and it almost made you feel sick. The fact that he had a mechanical arm didn't take away from his appeal, actually, it was kind of hot. He was a survivor and he wore his arm like any man would wear a battle scar. Pulling back you realized that you had looked too hard for too long. You jogged back to the door and grabbed your snacks before leaving the training area altogether.

Walking back through the tunnels yet again, you kept looking over your shoulder completely paranoid that you were going to get caught. You knew it was unlikely since you and he were the only ones there, and you would have definitely heard him coming but you still walked quickly and uneasy until you got to the door that said 41.

You placed your finger on the R2-D2 pad and you were met with a red blink and an irritating beep denying you access to your room. Fucking hell, you're kidding, right? You placed your drinks down wiping your hands over the fabric of your dress, placed your finger on the pad again cursing the universe maker when you were given the red obnoxious noise again.

Out of pure frustration, you began to cry, the unnerving feeling of having nowhere to go was hitting you once again after only feeling slightly comfortable last night. You were sad that your life had been ripped away from you and no one could tell you why. You were angry that someone had come into your safe space and made you unwelcome in your own home. It made you crumble when you thought about all those families that had lost a member of their family just for going to work. You had left your home against your will and now your temporary home was not accessible to you either. You knew this wasn't going to be the end of the world but the frustration overpowered your rationality and you collapsed with your back to the door and cried a while longer.

After what felt like 3 hours and 20 failed attempts at unlocking your door you realized that you were not getting into your room this weekend. You picked up your snacks yet again and headed back to the tunnel. You remembered when you first arrived that there had been the wreck room where you sat with Bucky and Sam. Those couches were comfortable enough to sleep on and holy shit you could use a fucking nap. You had no idea where it was, how to get there, or if you were even granted access to that room but you started exploring trying to remain optimistic. Walking into a room after room you realized that none of the other thumb scanners were malfunctioning the way yours was on your door. You really were just that lucky.

You killed some time in the business center playing solitaire on the restricted access computers and drawing stupid doodles on printer paper. You found yourself back at the cafeteria looking for the ice cream store, but after about an hour you just got colder standing in the walk-in and just left unsuccessful.

You were almost at the opposite end of the hill from your rooms when you started down a hallway that you'd not been in before. This door was different from the others, it was full metal with no window to peek through. That spiked your interest. You scanned your thumb and pushed the door open. It was the field in the middle of the hill. No coverings, no underground concrete just sunlight and grass. You stepped out and saw the clear blue sky with the breeze buzzing around you and you closed your eyes and laid your head back on your shoulders enjoying the warmth the sun was providing.

Having left in a thin t-shirt dress you had been cold since you left the only room in the entire cult compound where you could control the thermostat. The sun hit your skin and for the first time in days. The spring heat ran over your body and increased blood circulation, finally, you didn't feel like your toes were going to fall off from being so cold.

You sat in the grass soaking up the sun letting the fresh air wash over you. You sat on the grass and bit into your apple. It was a moment of quiet. Well all day had been quiet but this was peace, you could hear birds chirp and the wind blow through faraway trees. Bushes rustle when the breeze rolls by. It was a little glimpse of perfection that fucking came and went when a frantic, and now half-clothed Bucky ran out the door onto the valley like the tunnel was on fire.

He stopped inches in front of you and you knotted your brow at him, confused at his presence and his erratic movements. He stood in grey sweatpants that sat low on his hips, which you were able to take note of from his lack of a shirt. This caused your face to glow bright red when you thought about the way you had secretly seen him earlier in the day. He had no shoes on and his hair was soaking wet sticking to the sides of his face.

He looked down at the sight of you eating an apple and without explanation, he bent at his waist, picked you up, and threw you over his mechanical shoulder.

"HEY!" you screamed as you tried to wiggle out of his hold. You were pissed. He had no right to touch you and without an explanation. You kicked your legs trying to get him to rethink manhandling you but he only sighed a bit more pushing air through his nose huffing with anger.

He stomped through the field and back to the doors. Your apple had fallen when he grabbed you and that added to your anger. You had already made your way through your other snacks and you knew from your scavenging through the kitchen earlier that that apple could not be replaced, you had taken the last one.

"What in the _actual fuck_ are you doing" You slammed your closed fists into his back as his pace remained steady and unbothered by your angry flailing. When he reached the door he opened it with one hand and swung it out so he could walk through without having to hold it open.

Back inside the cold dark tunnel he bent down and placed you back on your feet. You pulled your dress down, you were too fumingly pissed off to realize it had started to ride up in the back showing off your backside. Once you felt your modesty was once again properly established you immediately placed your hands on Bucky's chest shoving him backward.

"Care to explain _why_ you have to fucking manhandle me, you big fucking claw machine?!" you spat out at him, your rage was fueled by the fact that he ignored you the entire time he was holding you and even now he stood looking at you remaining silent.

"Hello, Earth to the soldier?" You waved your hands in front of his face trying to edge him to the point of communication but he was stoic. You noticed his fists were balled at his sides and his jaw was clenched. You hadn't realized until now that he was clearly angry. Tapped far too much into your own rage, his feelings had not even crossed your mind. He followed your eyes and saw them fixed on his hands and when you looked back up he made eye contact with you. He knew you had seen his anger, but he didn't give a shit.

"You need-" He grinned the words through his teeth, "-to stay inside." that was all he said before he turned and started walking back through the hill.

You started to yell after him, not satisfied with his lack of explanation and his blatant disrespect. "Hey, I am not done talking to you!"

He ignored your call and kept his gaze forward, which in turn made you even angrier. You ran after him catching up with him a few moments later you stood in front of him, trying to block his path forcing him to stand still and look at you all in one swoop.

"Why can't I go outside?" you asked crossing your arms across your chest and popping your hips to one side. You wanted to make sure that every word you served him was soaked in attitude.

He shook his head and you could see the muscles in his shoulders grow tenser. He hovered over you, his chest heaving in and out and he unclenched his jaw, which also allowed his distaste spill from his lips. "I would really appreciate it if you could fucking behave!"

"Beha-" Did this grown-ass man just tell you to behave? Your eyes went wide and your jaw dropped as the words sank in.

You looked at him with a shocked expression. "Why the fuck are _you_ mad at _me_?" 

He moved around you and began walking back in the direction of the housing facilities. "UGH!!!" You screamed out. "Why the fuck will no one tell me what is going on!? God, you're such a dick!"

He turned back to face you with a heaving chest and pointed his finger at you, "You should stop being such a brat, you know?!" He wasn't looking for an answer but his words took you by surprise again.

Once more you felt the frustrating tears gather in your eyes. Your voice broke as you yelled at his back, trying to tell him off even with a shaking voice "Oh fuck you, metal man!" He didn't dignify your childish dig with a response. He kept his angry stride and you watched his bare, broad back walk away from you.

Your breathing was shallow again, which seemed to be a new trend your body would default to when you were under distress. The tears continued and you felt your knees shake. Knowing that you had in fact fainted, for the first time, in the last 48 hours you decided to just sit on the ground before anything dramatic took you over again.

\--------------------------------

After crying on the ground for a little over an hour you started to feel hungry again. Returning to the kitchen you grabbed a glass of water having just shed 10 gallons of tears your body was screaming for hydration. You opened the fridge taking your time now, searching for leftovers, or something that could be made into an actual meal.

After opening almost every container in the fridge you happened upon the leftover soup you were given in the infirmary. You found a pot hanging above the stove and grabbed it to reheat your soup while you started carefully stacking the containers back in the Tetris pattern the staff had left them in. You couldn't find the eating utensils or dishes so you ate right out of the small pot with a ladle. It wasn't the cutest thing you had ever done, but you were making do.

After dinner you made your way to the gym, it was getting late and the crying had made your body feel more tired, plus you never got to take a fucking nap. After failing to find the room with the couch you decided the padded floor in the gym was probably the best alternative to sleeping on the hard floor everywhere else on the hill. You walked back into the half-lit room and walked back in the direction of the mirrored wall. After turning the corner and not seeing a naked man *sigh* you started looking around to discover the part of the room that you had not been in. There was the entrance to a men and woman's locker rooms at the other end of the sauna. There was a glass wall separating an Olympic sized pool and spa area. Because nothing is more needed in an underground bunker than a fucking pool, god this place didn't make any sense.

You walked into the locker room and looked around. There were lockers with the famous little thumb scanners, laundry baskets lining the walls, toilet stalls, sinks, and the large communal shower. You grabbed a few towels off the shelf next to the shower and walked back out into the weight room.

You put one towel down to lie on, another you kept folded for a pillow, and the third and fourth ones you used as blankets to cover from your toes to your shoulders. It wasn't nearly as amazing as the heavenly Stank Industries issued mattress had been, but it wasn't the worst or most questionable place you'd slept. That is a story for another time.

You rolled around a bit before finding a position comfortable enough that you felt like you could really settle into. You felt yourself beginning to doze and you welcomed it with open arms. You were just on the cusp of consciousness when you heard the door of the gym swing open and slam closed.

Fucking Barnes found you again, didn't this meathead already work out today? You rolled your eyes and turned your head trying to ignore his presents. He, however, was staring right at you and walking in your direction.

"What on Earth are you doing here?"

"Cabe said I could use any room that would open for me." You said unmoving looking at the wall you could see Bucky's arms cross in the mirror on the wall and he looked..... well, fed up with your shit.

"Are you trying to sleep in here?" He asked. This honestly was a dumb question because it was _very_ clear that that was exactly what you were doing. You remained quiet and unmoving in your position. This man was quickly becoming more and more annoying.

"Is there something wrong with _your_ room?" He asked trying to soften his tone once he realized you were ignoring his question. It almost sounded like a glimpse of the Bucky that coached you through your panic attack and you squeezed your eyes closed trying again to keep your nerve but it faltered long enough for you to respond.

"I'm locked out." You said simply shaking your head, but keeping your body and gaze facing the wall.

"Come on." He said, it was a command but it didn't sound like he was being forceful.

"I'm good _thanks_." You snarled back at him. Even if he was going to try and be nice you were still annoyed from earlier.

"I can't let you sleep on the floor." He said picking up a snarky attitude.

You sat up and faced him " _You_ don't really have a say in where I sleep, _Buck_." You said his name enunciating every letter, it was childish but it was meant to sound daunting.

"I can pick you up again _if you'd rather_." He raised his brow teasing you with the threat, but you were unsure if he'd actually have the nerve.

"You wouldn't." You stated crossing your arms across your chest your eyes narrowing in on him.

He didn't say anything but he gave you a smirk before he bent at his waist and moved his arms in your direction. You squealed and jumped back in protest, "Fuck, fine okay." you said standing.

" _Good girl,_ now come on." He said and he turned his back and started walking to the door.

"Good girl, the fuck-" you trailed off "Where are we going?!" You called after him. He got to the door before you and held it open until you caught up.

"My room." He said as he followed you back into the tunnel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is going to set up the next chapter nicely. You know my writing is showing how Bucky interacts with us and how he’s been feeling so I hope this gets you excited for the next one!


	4. Step 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: talk and reactions related to PTSD, please take care. I love you. 
> 
> Guys this chapter is a little shorter but it took soooo long. I hope you like it and the next chapter I think is going to be a bit more fun. I like this one though. Let me know what you think!  
> ❤️🤍💙
> 
> -Marie

Getting back to the blank hallway you followed Bucky until he placed his right hand on the finger scanner and opened the door to room 46. Walking into the room you saw it looked practically identical to yours, same layout same furniture. But there weren't a lot of personal effects in the space and you figured that had a lot to do with him coming back only 17 months ago.

Scanning the living room you noticed there were a few loose articles of clothing hanging off the side of the couch, the lights were dimmed low and there were blankets and small bits of trash scattered over the living room. He shuffled over to the clothes trying to gather them without seeming frantic but you could see a bit of embarrassment on his face. He grabbed the clothes on his way to his bedroom, a small attempt to clean up for his unexpected guest.

You walked into the living space feeling apprehensive, this was his space and the two of you didn't have a track record of keeping the peace. Not to mention there wasn't really much you knew about Bucky, other than what the public widely knows about Bucky Barnes you only knew that he was a huge asshole when he wanted to be and he was very nice to look at.

He disappeared for a moment and you caught yourself observing the space, trying to pick up any clues you could on the guy. There were a few pictures of him and Cap before either was super soldiers. A black and white picture of a woman with her hair curled and her lips painted darker than her skin, probably red. You started wondering who she was before you heard the sounds of him walking back into the room, he looked at you looking at his photos and you could have sworn he rolled his eyes at you. It's not like you had been snooping he literally had them on display, but if there was one thing you knew about Bucky it was that he didn't need a reason to be salty. Well, not a good reason anyway.

You were beyond annoyed at this man, he was the worst kind of person. His mood was so hot and cold that you felt constantly walking on eggshells when you were around him. Never had you met someone who was so fucking clear about their hatred for you? He was so damn confusing. You held your arms awkwardly at your chest, it had become a little more obvious to you that you weren't wearing a bra, especially since you had been cold all day. You couldn't make eye contact, afraid that might piss him off somehow so you continued looking down at the floor.

"If you're tired you can uh- take the bed. I'm gonna sleep out here." He gestured to the couch in the living space, you looked over at him with regretful eyes.

You weren't sure how to go about this. Naturally, you wanted to fight him on it, that was the polite thing to do. That whole song and dance of _"I couldn't possibly"_

and then he says _"no I insist"_

and you say _"I don't want to kick you out of your bed"_

and then he says some bullshit that's not true like, _"I sleep better on the couch"_ and you end up in the bed. But you weren't sure if that fight would fly with Soda Can Soldier.

For all, you knew your gallant attempt to insist on taking the couch was going to end with his yelling in your face and telling you that you were misbehaving or whatever the fuck his old man vocabulary would spit at you next. You thought on it for a moment keeping your gaze locked on the cheap college dorm-style couch thinking about how bad your fucking back was going to hurt if you decided to sleep there.

"Okay, thank you. Do you need anything out of the room?" You ask trying to sound grateful while setting a clear boundary. More than anything you just wanted to be away from him, he always made you feel tense and it made your anxiety levels spike.

"The bathroom is in there, so I may have to come in and out of there, but I'll be quiet."

You made an "aah" sound, remembering that of course the only bathroom and it was through the bedroom. It made sense for the residents but that didn't make it less annoying that you were having to share his space with.... _him._

You turned on your heel to step into the bedroom, you turned back before stepping through the doorframe. "Thanks again, Bucky." It was a simple acknowledgment that he'd done something actually kind for you, and even though gritted teeth you appreciated it. He matched your eyes and gave you a subtle nod.

Turning into his room the first thing you noticed was the way he had made the bed. Everything was tucked in tight, you could bounce a quarter off the square corners he had folded the blanket into. You silently chuckled at the way he had been slightly messy in his living space but still spent time making his bed perfect.

It was the perfect representation of Bucky, the mix of the two lives he lived. The bedroom is perfectly squared away as he would have been in the '40s, a strong disciplined soldier, and on the other side, there was a dark chaotic man who was simply surviving, leaving clothes and trash all over the place.

When you realized what it was you were doing; analyzing him, you physically shook your shoulders trying to mentally dispose of the thought. There was no reason you should care enough about this man to dig deep down into his psyche.

You walked into the bathroom, looking to splash some water on your face. You had not had access to skincare and you'd already added your essentials to your list after your shower last night, the least you could do is rinse the gym floor off your face. You splashed warm water on your face and shivered at the thin layer of water turning cold on your complexion. You hadn't noticed since you'd been cold all day, but Bucky's room was cold maybe even colder than the rest of the hill. Way to play into a stereotype, Winter Soldier.

Walking out of the bathroom and back into the room you walked to the wall where the light switch was and clicked it off. Noting how far you'd have to walk in the dark, and that there was nothing in your way, you moseyed over to the bed. You pulled hard at the blanket undoing the symmetrical tedious work that Bucky had put into making the bed so neat. You fluffed up the pillows that had laid flat at the top. You reached over to throw the extra one on the floor but reconsidered. Bucky hadn't had a pillow in the living room, a few throw blankets but no pillow. You could be nice, you thought, you could go take him a pillow. A gesture of goodwill, and a show of good faith.

You walked into the living room lights still dimmed low, you turned your gaze to the living room and screamed throwing the pillow up in surprise. You whipped your body and turned quickly to face the back wall of the apartment. Fucking hell, twice in one day you had seen the tinsel man's body. He had been standing there pulling his shirt over his head about to lie down.

"Fucking hell, I'm sorry." You shrieked out twisting your face up even if he couldn't see you, your tone was portraying the awkwardness you had created between the two of you.

"Oh, sorry I uh- had seen you flipped the light off, I thought you'd be in bed." He said as you could hear him rustling around behind you.

"I was bringing you a pillow, I noticed you didn't have one and I only _need_ one."

"That was nice of you." He said and surprisingly it didn't seem condescending, you heard his movement stopped. "You can turn around." He said to you in a small coy voice. You turned around to see him sitting on the couch looking over the back at you. He pulled a blanket over his body and held it up under his arms, tucked into his armpits.

You walked back in his direction before bending and picking up the pillow you had previously fumbled. You went to hand it to him but rather than take it from you he leaned forward, as a wordless direction to lay it behind his back. You took a side step and placed the pillow lightly behind him catching another glance at his bareback. It shook your core seeing his muscles up close, the way the small of his back collected in a strong indent made you quietly shutter as you tried your hardest to not stare or touch the tempting expanse of skin.

"Here," you said placing your fist over the top of the pillow, fluffing it up for him trying your best to sound casual.

"Goodnight, doll" Bucky offered you quietly matching his gaze to your eyes. 

Blood rushed to your face with the pet name falling from his lips. Why something so simple and likely meaningless was the thing to make you quiver, and completely forget that this man was the worst, was beyond you.

You nodded at him in response before clearing your throat and tried your best to not let your voice waiver as you replied with your own, "goodnight"

Climbing into the bed you noticed the scent coming from the pillow. It was barely there, left lingering from who knows what. It could have been his fabric softener or maybe a body wash but it was amazing. You laid your head down on the soft plush pillow breathing in deep, your nose filled with neroli and saffron. You hummed into the amazing sensation the smell invoked in you, felling wrapped in it you rolled to your stomach to bury the side of your face into the fabric. You stayed there for a moment shifting trying to comfort yourself, trying to find the magic position that was going to allow you to sleep, to forget where you were, why you were there, and the half-naked metal armed hottie in the living room.

Once you finally finished shifting, your body falling perfectly into the mattress but then another problem surfaced, you were fucking cold. You only had the clothes on your back and the blanket on the bed. Fuck it was cold, you thought for a moment about adjusting the cooling but you knew the thermostat was in the living room and you were not going back out there. Holy hell it was not even funny how much you really were not going back out there.

Sitting up slowly you flipped the lamp on the side table on, you were familiar with the placement of his things but nothing seemed to be out of place. You crept out of the bed, trying to be quiet. You'd mostly closed the door leaving it slightly open for Bucky, in case he had to use the bathroom. You still didn't want to risk waking him so you took your time to carefully plan out your steps. You walked up to the closet door opening it slowly, moving your body out of the direction of the lamp letting it flood the closet so you could look for an extra blanket, a sweater, a jacket, a damn parka. You were just so damn sick of being cold.

You noticed a black zip-up hoodie on the floor, you grabbed it and laced your arms into it. Your freezing hands fumbled with the zipper for a moment before pulling the zipper all the way to the top of the track. You pulled it down from your face and it hangs down around your legs, fitting you almost as your t-shirt dress does. His clothes were going to be bigger on you, that made sense but it was comical how much you were swimming in them. His broad shoulders must have made the fabric stretch which is why it draped down on you the way it did. Your shoulder kept poking out of the neck hole, but you didn't mind, the only thing you worried about was regaining feeling in your fingertips.

Walking back over to the bed and turned the lamp off again. It wasn't until you had laid down, on your stomach again, in the dark that you noticed the smell wafting into your senses. It was stronger this time, closer, and that was when you realized that smell that you had found absolutely infatuating, comforting, and warm was fucking Bucky.

It was stronger on his hoodie than it was on the pillow alone. But now you were enveloped in it, consumed, and falling deeper and deeper into the sensation of solace it created. You lifted your hands to your chest playing with the end of the sleeves that went past your fingertips wrapping the extra fabric up and placing it as support under your chin. You were cuddling yourself and that smell and it almost made you feel less alone... almost.   
  
  


You looked at the wall for what felt like hours, your insomnia came back to say hello. Your sleeping pill from the night before was well missed, the leftover effects would have been more than welcomed. It was hard being alone, the violent flashes returned in the still moments of your mind. You let it wash over you clinging to Bucky's jacket trying your best to find some form of alleviation. You held a hand to your chest curling your body into it on your right side. Hugging yourself, and trying to reduce the amount of invisible pressure you felt on your brain.

It must have been 3 AM when the door quietly pushed open a little further than you'd left it. Your eyes were adjusted to the dark and you could see pretty clearly to through the room. The flashing light from Bucky's tv in the living room offering little illumination. Thank the lord he'd kept his sweatpants on but would it have killed him to put a damn shirt on? He quietly snuck into the bathroom and you lied there thinking about whether or not being alone was worse than being around Jimmy Barnes.

He crept out of the bathroom and you'd watched him, try not to make any noise that would disturb you. You sat up leaning back on your elbows watching him creep around until he noticed your movement. His shoulders dropped relaxing and shrugging off the need to be sneaky and he looked over at you.

"Did I wake you?" His tone was low and apologetic.

"Nah, I've been having a hard time sleeping." You responded.

"Yeah?" He asked you in a light-hearted temper. If you didn't know any better you'd think that you and Bucky were having a normal fucking conversation.

"Turns out trauma will do that-" You stopped mid-sentence realizing how fucking tone-deaf that sounded coming from you talking to Bucky. He was the fucking embodiment of trauma.

"Sorry" You followed up, letting your elbows fall as your head hit the pillow. 

"Hey," he said casually "Don't worry about it. Would you like to talk about it?" He shrugged at you. It was polite but you weren't sure if he meant it or if he was being nice. He had reasons to be nice to you, you were his new neighbor so he probably didn't want you to hate him. He also accused you of mass murder and then forgot to pack you any fucking shoes.

You felt his words pull on your heart, being alone may be worse than being around Bucky. It wasn't the time to do this, you couldn't find it in you to acknowledge this gesture as anything more than it was, him being human. He didn't care about your problems, hell he'd been through it and made it out the other side. Pleasantries were not something that was going to help you at this point.

You hesitated but ultimately shook your head, "Nah I'm okay." you lied.

He nodded at you before walking back into the living room leaving the bedroom door open a crack, as it was before he'd come in the room.

You laid there counting the blades on the fan for the millionth time, looking at the alarm you were worried that it was already closer to the morning than a night at this point. You let out a sigh forcing your eyes closed. You rolled over a few times trying to be as comfortable as possible before you finally drifted into unconsciousness.   
  
  
  
  
  


When you woke it was a jolt through your bones, you rose from the bed so fast it would have looked like someone was pushing you. You let out a gulping breath and jerked your head back before you felt the wet tears coming down your face. Screaming but you couldn't hear the wail in your ears, your heart was pounding too loud in your ears for you to hear a thing.

Bucky busted the door open nearly knocking it off the hinges, when he saw the state you were in he looked at you with the greatest sympathy. He had been there too many times, you hadn't even noticed his presence as you sat there rocking your body back and forth. You lifted your knees to your chest and your sobs continued as the tears flooded from your eyes.

Without asking or warning Bucky lifted you into his arms, you were confused by the movement and started fighting the grasp. When your eyes shot up and realized it was him you practically jumped on him, scrambling to be in his grasp. On instinct and need you wrapped your arms around his neck needing him close, as much as you didn't understand it he made you feel safe, and right now you were absolutely terrified. He was cradling your head into his bare chest before sitting back on the bed where you had just been laying, holding you as he sat with his back to the headboard. He gently brushed your hair from your face and started shushing you as his hand ran through the front of your hair.

You didn't move other than the natural gasping your body was using trying to regain control over your breath as your emotions came down. Neither of you said a word, it went without saying what was happening and he knew better than to press. You felt your arms growing tired from being elevated up around his neck so you let them slide down to your lap, pressing your head into his naked chest with more pressure to wordlessly tell him not to move. His hand had moved from your scalp to the expanse of your bicep over his hoodie and he began rubbing up and down in small strokes. As he was drawing circles on you, you could feel his hand slow and become heavier on your arm. Every so often he would stop completely for a moment before tensing and continuing suddenly the motions, you could tell he was dozing.

Uncommunicatively you pulled your legs up and pushed your body away from his lap and placed your body on the bed next to him. You could feel his eyes looking at you, burning holes into the top of your head as you purposefully avoided looking up at him, it would have been too much. You were laying on the bed on his right and you grabbed his hand pulling on it like a child. Directing him to lie down next to you as you pulled the blanket up covering both of you. He kept the pillow beneath his head, which was fine by you since your head returned to its spot on him and your body took its place under his arm. 

When you closed your eyes finding yourself cuddled up to him, your sleep came quick and painless and you drifted into a peaceful deep sleep.


	5. Step 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you were wondering I listening to "Put It on Me" by Matt Maeson a lot when I was writing this chapter.

Waking up at a decent hour felt nice. You hadn't got the full 8 hours but in the haze of morning, it felt good to look at the clock and still see single digits flashing back at you. Laying in Bucky's arms, that was a whole other feeling, one that you couldn't place, but you'd woken up with a smile on your face. His bare chest rose and fell under your head as his lungs contracted and expanded, your ear pressed to his heart you listened as it pumped the blood through his veins and life into his body. You were wrapped up in the symphony of his body.

You stared at the wall, not wanting to move. You assumed he was still sleeping but if he wasn't and you had given away that you were awake lying there, it would have given him the wrong idea or.. well it doesn't matter what, you just didn't want him reading too much into it.

You felt warm, really warm. He radiated heat to every part of your entangled bodies. The fact that you were wearing his hoodie while also wrapped up in a blanket didn't help much either. You casually slipped your leg from the blanket looking for a little relief in the form of cool air on your bare skin. You let out a sigh when the air-conditioned temperature kissed the skin on your legs easing your feverishness. 

"Morning, Doll" you heard rumbling through the chest your ear was pressed against, and you cursed your movements knowing you had been found out.

You sat up casually trying to avoid making eye contact with him, stretching your arms up putting on a show of your stretch, and yawn as if you'd just woken up at his words. You started unzipping his hoodie so you could let the rest of your body cool off.

"Hey" was all you could muster. It was hard for you to think about why he was there, why he had to hold you, and you really hoped he wasn't going to be his typical asshole self about the whole thing. Sitting forward to pull the hoodie from your bottom you pulled out your arms and folded it onto your lap.

"I was going to go make some breakfast if you'd like to join me." He said, and to your surprise, it didn't seem sarcastic. You weren't going to question his newfound kindness, it came on as a relief, so you nodded your head at the sound of breakfast, you could go for that.

He wasn't going to bring up the elephant in the room. Wasn't going to ask why you made him hold you all night, not going to ask why you continued to lay on him even when you'd woken up in the safety of the morning. He was just asking if you were hungry and you let that speak for itself because it was really very sweet. _That or he didn't want you in his room by yourself._

"Yeah, okay," You said shaking your head still unable to meet his eyes. He sat up and got off the bed. You stilled your movements waiting for him to walk in front of you knowing what you were about to get a glimpse of. Rounding the bed you took in the sight of him again, even though you had been pretty much on top of him a moment ago, there was something about the full view of him, and the way he always walked with such purpose that made your body shake. His sweatpants resting on his hips and his arms swaying as he walked across your line of sight, his skin was perfectly tanned and his chest perfectly toned, he was pretty fucking amazing to look at. You pressed your thighs together, trying to relieve pressure, feeling an ache of need pool in your belly.

 _"Fucking hell,"_ you thought silently to yourself, _"I have a crush on this one-armed wonder boy."_ You shook your head trying to erase the thought from your mind, it was not the time to dive into your subconscious and process your attraction it was time to eat. And with that, you stood from the bed as Bucky disappeared into the closet shutting the door behind him.   
  
  
  
  
  


You had been keeping up a wall waiting for him to say something inherently Bucky, but you were denied any of his intolerable attitudes through the morning. His company was dare you to say, pleasant. Up until this point, you two were even able to hold a conversation that didn't lead to fighting.

_So naturally, you decided you needed to fuck that up too._

"How did coming back to life feel?" You asked him nonchalantly. It was a normal question after the absent years, even if it was only 18 months ago it was pretty normal and accepted to talk about socially. It was for people who stayed, people like you, people who lost their loved ones that had a harder time talking about the absent years.

It seemed innocent enough until he answered, "Which time?" and you felt ice water sting through your veins.

 _"wow, I really am a fucking dumb ass,"_ you thought as you dug your nails into the palm, leaving red semi-circles of indented skin on your hand, silently punishing yourself for not using the brain in your head.

He gave the same answer most absentees gave, It was painless and when he came back he'd felt no significant time pass. You didn't have anyone before the lost time, and so you didn't have any after either, but talking to Bucky about all go this made you feel dumb for even asking, you once again could never really understand all of the depth, the turmoil, the pain that James Barnes had to lived with.

After Steve left Bucky had grown close to Sam, who had been a brother to him since then. Sam taking on the role of Cap was an adjustment but Bucky was proud to stand by him the way he had with Steve. The Avengers were not ready to assemble again after that, not yet. They hadn't needed to thankfully, Sam was working back and forth with Chicago police to help with gang violence, at least that's what Bucky had told you.

You're heartfelt for Bucky, he lost everything and everyone, twice. His life and family in the '40s, and then once again when he denigrated. You placed your hand over him, it was the first time you'd made physical contact since this morning and he smiled at the innocent comfort you offered him.

"You don't have to do that." He said softly looking at your hand.

You jerked your hand back feeling a slight sting of rejection hitting you, even if it was an endearing tone, it was still the 'Bucky' way to react. You sat there in silence for a moment thinking about his reaction before you started to feel annoyed. Without saying a word you lifted your hand again and placed it over his again.

He looked down at your touch and then back up at you. He knit his brow in confusion not understanding your sentiment.

"If you're allowed to comfort me, I am allowed to comfort you." 

It wasn't that he was asking for your comfort, and hell he didn't need it. But in his attempt to be strong, to be the pure embodiment of the Winter Soldier, perhaps he had forgotten that at the end of the day he is also just a man. You felt obligated and privileged to be at the giving side of understanding and consolation, it was the topic you'd both been avoiding but the pain that was weaving through and planting itself in your brains was less when the other one was around.

He smiled at you, well it was more like he smirked. It was not known to any living man if Bucky was actually capable of smiling. Your hand remained there for a moment more before you squeezed it and released your hold. It was a little awkward after that, but it wasn't exactly uncomfortable. You could tell there were parts of him that wanted to reach back out to you but he had to hold himself back. It would've hurt your feelings more if you didn't understand it, but you did you understood a lot of unspoken emotions when it came to him and that was astounding to even you.

The tension was atmospheric, so it surprised you when he broke the silence pushing away from the stainless steel table in the kitchen, and started walking to a mini-fridge hidden inside one of the prep tables, it looked like any other cabinet on the outside. You hadn't opened every cabinet and you'd wished you had because apparently, that was where they kept the good shit. He yelled over his shoulder, "You want some yogurt?"

Oh hells yes, "Yes, please." you called very excitedly your breakfast today wasn't going to be a handful of cheese sticks again.

He returned with your yogurt and a spoon for each of you, holding up the 2 small containers he questioned you with a glance and a shoulder shrug.

"Oh, that's an easy choice," you said almost rolling your eyes, "peach yogurt tastes like soap," you told him grabbing the better option from his hand.

He scoffed at your blunt, and apparently what he saw as an unprecedented prejudice against peach yogurt. "I like peach, thank you very much."

You rolled your eyes, "Then you do not have taste buds."

As if to spite you he pulled the aluminum covering off the top of the yogurt and licked it clean. He looked back up at you with raised eyebrows, his smug expression reading, ' _what are you gonna do about it?'_ He was acting like a child, but in its innocence, it was kinda cute.

You followed his lead and did the same, licking the yogurt from your lid you tilted your chin up proud of your quick reaction. You felt you'd won with your retaliation. He laughed at you, and you felt your confident pose start to falter. You waited for an explanation but his eyes simply squinted and his smile grew softer on his face, well another smirk anyway.

He reached over placing his thumb on the tip of your nose, you quaked at the sudden gentle touch. You realized when he pulled his hand back that he'd wiped yogurt off your face. He kept eye contact as his smile faded and his gaze became much more stoic and strong. He lifted his thumb to his mouth sucking the yogurt from his finger.

"You're right, blueberry is better." He said low, offering you a sly smile and you thought your entire body was going to explode.

_Holy shit_.

He stood from the stool he'd brought in from the dining room for you both, "eggs?" he asked casually. He flipped his switch and changed his mood at the drop of a hat yet again. You sat there for a moment replaying that situation over and over in your head, hell it had actually fucking happened. The sound of him calling your name broke you out of your daydream, one which did not end with him making you eggs. You looked at him with raised eyebrows questioning why he'd called for you.

"Eggs?" he repeated. You simply nodded your head, you were pretty sure at that moment your brain forgot how to make words.   
  
  
  
  
  


You'd gone back to his apartment after breakfast, after a little conversation and a lot of persuading you got him to watch a movie with you. He had never seen Scott Pilgrim, which shocked, and horrified you. That would not stand. As he queued up the tv, you took your place next to him on the couch. He looked over to see you settled before pushing play and leaving the remote on the coffee table.

Leaning back against the couch he placed his arms straight out over the back of the couch. You were far enough away that you weren't even touching the tips of his fingers but the position still felt oddly intimate. You pulled your ankles up on the couch and to the side of your body.

You kept looking at him watching your comfort movie, hoping he would get the cultural references, and the quick wit humor. Not every joke landed but when some things clicked for him you loved watching his face light up in laughter. You'd seen and could now bear witness to prove that the shiny soldier could, in fact, smile. The air in the room felt lighter now, easier.

You stood to get the folded blanket from the corner of the room. Bucky hadn't made the bed today, but that was probably because it was your bed for the next few days. He did, however, fold up his bedding and place it in a neat pile next to the TV. 

Walking back to the couch with the comforter wrapped around you, you felt like the inside of a burrito the way the large blanket engulfed you. Sitting back on the couch you felt emboldened in your cocoon to sit a little closer to Bucky given his new agreeable mood, and without thinking too hard about it you tossed your head over to landed on his chest.

You froze waiting for his reaction, your legs still seated in front of you in case you had to jump up and run from the embarrassment of rejection. You sat with your heart pounding, cursing every nanosecond it took for him to place his metal arm around you. Relaxed by his small assurance, you pulled your feet up from your sitting position and laid with your legs out where you'd just been sitting. His other hand landed on his lap and you could see the way his fingers would react anytime you would move. You were making him nervous, and the idea of that made you grin.

Yet, you felt safe in his arms. They were the only place you had felt relaxed in the last few days. Since your introduction, there had been nothing but sarcasm and anger thrown your way from Bucky, but after last night and waking up in his arms he had been sweet. He helped you show you the best parts of himself, the broken parts, and if he had a problem holding you the way he did surely he would have said so. You felt wrapped up in him not only physically, there was something so fascinating about him though he was a man of few words most of the time you couldn't help but wonder what lied beneath the surface. He had been so gracious every time you had stuck your foot in your mouth, he'd ease you by letting you in on how he had been dealing with his past letting himself be vulnerable to assure your comfort. 

There was only so much the public and you knew about the man they called the Winter Soldier and so far he had shown you things you didn't know he could possess. He had been cruel and harsh and he had been sweet and caring. He was such a mystery but so intriguing, every layer you pulled back there was another 10 you'd not seen before.

In his presence you felt the power he walked around with, it dripped off of him. But in moments like this, where he rubbed his chin against your scalp of drew circles over your skin you saw a gentleman, a human who could turn 100 man army into a pile of dead bodies single-handedly (literally) but instead chose to watch a movie while he cuddled you on his couch.

There was a moment at the end of the movie that you looked up at him, desperate for his response, a reaction to in your opinion one of the best movies ever made. He looked at you and it felt like he looked _into_ you. And you thought that just for a moment he was going to kiss you, he was going to cross the line the two of you had been toeing all day, but instead, he stood abruptly nonchalantly pushing you off of him as he darted into the next room. You sat bewildered on the couch lost for words and a little concerned that you had pissed him off. It hadn't been that important he watch it with you but surely he couldn't have had such a negative reaction to this film.

You sat motionless for a moment confused at his sudden need to flee. What in the hell happened? You thought you'd been getting along just fine and all until that point you were sure that you'd even made a good impression on him.

After what felt like way too long you decided to peek into the room, he sat there on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, motionless. You thought maybe it would be best to leave, clearly, he had wanted to separate himself from you and this was _his_ space. You stood and began folding the blanket before walking around to the corner to place it back in its spot.

When you turned back around you jumped and almost screamed but closed your mouth as your brain caught up with your eyes. He was standing in the doorway watching you. You threw your hand to your chest clasping it against your shirt. "Holy shit, man you scared the hell out of me!" You yelled at him. You were a little scared, but you were also a tad bitter about him needing to remove himself from your company without so much as a word.

He stood imperturbable, staring as you knit your brows in confession. You broke the silence a little annoyed at him seemingly putting this wall that you'd worked so hard to tear down back up.

"What's wrong?" It was quiet and small and your eyes dropped to the floor as your nerve began to dwindle. "I can leave if you want." You said to him still staring at the floor, wishing he would knock this act off. Knowing that it would hurt more than anything if he did want you to leave. Wishing he could let you in, let you know what you'd done wrong, God you were so sick and tired of getting it wrong.

"Yesterday" _That was it, that was the big fucking explanation_. _Okay Tinman, care to fucking elaborate?_

You held your hand out rolling it over, encouraging more words to come out of his mouth. He didn't say anything but he pushed off the door frame standing up straight. His eyes were locked on you and he took a step forward. His movements were small and careful like he was worried you would get spooked and run. You were feeling like prey under his eyes.

You shifted the weight from one hip to the other, trying to gain enough confidence to return the intense gaze he was giving you. You only had been able to look up at him briefly before returning to staring at your feet.

He stopped a few feet in front of you. "I know you saw me, yesterday." He elaborated.

Your blood went cold, heat rushed to your face and your eyes shot out wide. You couldn't move his eyes burning a hole in your skin. You were going to fucking die, are you kidding me? He was bringing this up now. You wanted to run into the ocean, to evaporate like an absentee and disappear forever. This was possibly the most embarrassing moment of your life and you couldn't say anything. Your mouth went dry and your brain went dumb. You had a million things flashing in your head, but nothing coherent.

"Why?" He asked taking another step towards you. His eyes dropping to his feet as he circled your body. He was hunting now, and you were absolutely petrified.

"Then you cuddle up into me, wiggling your body around to get comfortable." He was standing behind you, your eyes were gawking at the wall your pupils blown in disbelief. "Do you have any idea what that does to me?"

You could feel his breath on your neck now, it was leaving stinging venom on your skin, making your body tremble. He brought his arm up and started rubbing his fingers over your arm while you stood there, body about to droop into yourself. You felt a rush come over you and you turned quicker than you realized you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned in crashing your lips into his. You were bold, and brave taking a chance on something you wanted desperately. He stood frozen, not kissing you back not returning your embrace, it was like kissing a wall.

And within the last 2 minutes of your life, you'd experienced the most embarrassing moments you'd ever lived through. The feeling that your feet were cemented to the floor disappeared, they lead you into the room leaving him alone. Creating distance between the two of you right now was your response, a full fight or flight.

You threw yourself onto his bed and pulled the blanket up over your head. The fucking smell of him lingered and made you want to sob so you flung the entire blanket onto the floor in a small fit of rage. When your arms wrapped the blanket around itself and you'd ridded the bed of it you noticed him once again gawking in the doorway.

There was a moment you thought he might leave, that he would just walk out the door. Your eyes began to sting holding in the fear of this actuality eyes remained glued to him waiting, begging for a response. You felt your knees bending to cover your chest, pulling yourself into the fetal position wanting to make yourself as small as possible.

Before you could lock your hands around your calves you felt the cooling metal grab your left ankle pulling your legs flat. He pulled you in his direction so fast your back hit the mattress followed by your head. You squealed at the touch not knowing how to react.

Your dress bunched up to your stomach and you wiggled trying to cover your panties but he was staring at your face so intently it was almost forgotten that your bottom half was nearly bare to him. Laying flat on your back staring up at the soldier with a wild look in his eyes, this hadn't been the look he gave you when he was angry with you for going outdoors, or the look he gave you when he thought you were a killer, this was something else, something animalistic.

Before you could regain your modesty he was hovering over you. Your lips inches apart and his chest heaving like he'd just run a marathon, his movement was so strong his chest was just barely brushing against yours with every exhale. Your heart pounded so hard it felt like it was going to slam through your bones, muscle, and flesh. You looked at his lips and back up at his eyes to see his eyes focused on your lips, his gaze unbreakable.

Your blood spiked up at the sight of his intensity, your mind was screaming and you had to grip the sheet under your hands to keep from audibly moaning. Your back began arching slowly responding to your proximity, unconsciously your body's natural reaction to want so badly to get closer to him. But as your midsection collided with his you felt him melt the rest of his body down. Your hips meeting, you could feel his cock beginning to harden over your body, at that you couldn't hold it anymore. Your head tilted back and your eyes closed so you could focus completely on the feeling of his body, you let out the smallest whimper at the unbelievable feeling of Bucky on top of you.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry to leave you like this but I thought I would leave you wanting more. Thank you so much for all your sweet comments they mean the world to me. I also just want to say I know that there's a lot of contradictions in the Marvel universe but this is my own version that I am taking from the movies and the comics I am familiar with. Hope you enjoyed! See you next week!


	6. Step 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to cut you off there and leave you hanging for too long. This is probably a one time thing and I'll go back to once a week posts. Enjoy :)

He immediately crashed into you bringing his mouth to yours. You returned the kiss letting it consume you. He slid his tongue across your bottom lip and you took your time to open your mouth, teasing him with the slightest movements of yours. He let out a small low groan when you gave in and let him take control of the kiss.

You bucked your hips up to slam into his again, this time you felt he'd grown harder and there was much more there than you had previously felt. He ground his hips down and the friction was intoxicating, your hands flew up and wrapped around his neck and your fingers flew into his hair, you felt his breathing hitch. His knee hit the bed between your legs and you ground your hips into it providing friction. But your cunt hitting him was working you up more, and giving you a fraction of what you wanted. You were hungry for it all, for him.

His hand started playing the edge of your shirt, sitting now just above your navel. The skin to skin, even though it was just his hand, gave you goosebumps. He lifted his hand under the hem of your shirt and pulled it up as he reached for your breast. He bit your bottom lip, scraping it between his teeth before releasing it, you moaned into the sensation and your back arched again as arousal swirled in your core. His hand kneaded your breast while his thumb ran gentile circles around your nipple.

"Let me make you feel good, baby girl." It wasn't a question it was a plea, a despairing plea. He started moving to leave his kisses and bites on your jaw. He wanted you so badly you nodded your head, just desperate for him and the way he felt against you.

"Please" you gasped out, barely audible. It was enough for him. He quickly moved his mouth down to your neck. He bit into you there, soft at first but then his hold got stronger you seethed in pain but he didn't relent his teeth only pushing into you harder making your body wiggle as his hands explored your curves.

Once he released his teeth from your flesh, the raised irritated bite burnt on your skin in the best way possible. He stuck his tongue out licking it, soothing the skin with his mouth you could feel yourself dripping under man's touch. "Jesus" you huffed out blowing all the air from your lungs.

His body rolled so he was lying next to you on his left side. His right arm snaked over your soft skin and was slowly teasing the elastic on your panties. He ran a single finger down the middle of your folds over the fabric and you winced, the seduction causing you physical pain at this point. He could feel the wetness seeping through the fabric and he grinned at how ready you were for him. You felt his smug disposition and under normal circumstances, you would have rolled your eyes and told him to get bent but you wanted him needed him, "Bucky" you mewled, causing him to giggle. He knew he was making this agonizing for you, but the control was too unbelievably sweet and he loved having the power over you.

"You're so naughty aren't you, baby girl? Is this what you thought about this when you saw me yesterday? You soaked through your panties just for me?" he leered over you. You felt your face grow red at the mention of your accidental free peep show.

Your mind was fuzzy and overpowered by need, you slowly let out an "mmhmm" whining at him shaking your head, asking for more. Needing more.

He pulled his hand back to the top elastic on your bottoms and pushed his hand below the seam running them down your hips, you lifted your ass to assist him. He pulled them lower and lower scraping his nails down your tender thighs leaving little red lines all the way down until he stopped at your calves. You lifted your left leg and moved your leg out of the hole releasing your panties, you spread your legs out wider than necessary. His hand moved to sit on your stomach as he waited for you to settle back again.

"You're so fucking ready for me, aren't you, Doll? That's right, baby opens up for me." His voice dripped in dominance, the growl in the back of his throat was ever-present and it only added to your arousal.

You couldn't say anything, he was overwhelming your senses. His smell, his words, his fucking touch. You wanted it all so badly your brain turned off and your ability to think or talk just shut down completely. You noticed his touch retreat as a reaction to you not answering his question. Frantic to keep him on you, you pulled on his arm keeping his hand on your skin nodding your head as fast as you could.

"Good girl" he praised and his hand moved to your core.

You were spread so wide that your right leg came over his knees. He clenched his jaw when his fingers began moving up and down the length of your sex. He was spreading your juices to every part of your cunt, keeping the pressure off where you needed it the most. Your head rocked between your shoulders looking for the patience that was starting to run thin, you jolted your hips forward at his hand, your body's last attempt at begging for his touch.

"Greedy girl" he tsked at you. Without any more hesitation, his thumb moved to your bundle of nerves and began working on your pleasure.

You screamed and moaned simultaneously, unsure of how loud you were actually being, you couldn't hear yourself, it didn't matter and you didn't care. The relief washed over you. The only thing that mattered was the way Bucky was making you feel, and holy shit was he making you feel. He was right where you wanted him, finally. As he moved with slow deliberate motions, he stuck his middle and ring finger out teasing your entrance before easing into you and you began to scream again. It wrapping you up in a new, earth-shattering sensation. His large fingers reaching and hitting you perfectly, he curled his fingers causing you to pulse around him, while his thumb continued moving on your clit making your body feel like it was going to explode with pleasure.

"OHMYFUCKINGGODBUCKY" you screamed and he grinned again at your response, as he leaned back to kiss up and down the length of your neck. You leaned your head over in his direction, wanting to give him as much access to you as possible. Wanting in every way to be closer to him, to feel more of the mind-numbing pleasure he was bringing you with a single hand.

He began pumping in and out of you faster curling his fingers every time he plunged into the deepest part of you. He worked your core finding his pace causing your stomach to mount with pressure and need. You moaned uncontrollably. "fuck, please, ohmygod, yes, yes don't fucking stop." You were a woman possessed. You could feel your peak on the horizon and you wanted to make sure Bucky knew he was doing so well for you. His motions were giving you everything you needed, wanting him to know how amazing he was making you feel. 

"I - I - Bucky, I" you couldn't get the words out your body tensed and he knew what you were getting at.

"That's a right sweet girl, you cum on my fingers. Just like that." His words sent you over and your body jolted upright, your ass the only part of your body remaining in contact with the bed. Toes curling as you screamed a mess of incoherent slurs. You grabbed his bicep and dug your nails deep into his flesh, he hissed at the sensation but his movements continued consistently. Rocking you over and over, coaxing out your orgasm. He looked down at his hand watching you riding his arm working out the last bits of what your body could handle and he felt his own need growing. Fuck, were you a sight coming all over him, giving him dirty nasty thoughts, he wanted to fucking ruin you.

He bit his lip watching your body shake with aftershock as he continued rolling his thumb over your overstimulated clit."Fuck, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky, Bucky" You chanted his name like prayer as you came down, your soul falling back into your body. You squeezed your thighs together trying to stop his movements.

He pulled his hand out of you and hovered it over your body, you still had a firm grip on his arm so he was unable to slip away from you completely. You threw your head back onto the bed, closing your eyes and releasing your hold on him. You took a moment to steady your breathing before opening your eyes.

He was already looking at you, eye contact intense he slowly raised his hand to his lips and began sucking your cum from his fingers. His eyes closed when your taste washed over his tongue, he growled in pleasure at the taste of you and your core shook again. How on earth were you recovering from coming all over his hand, and still feel so needy for the man lapping your juices from his fingers?

"You like that?" He asked with aggression in his eyes.

"mummhumm" you responded eyes still rolling to the back of your head

"You're going to fucking beg for me, baby girl." His voice held a grave tone that made your body shake. "Do you understand me?"

You nodded your head unable to speak at first, "Please, Bucky I need you." You whimpered for him. "Please"

He hummed at your need but was unsatisfied. "What do you want? Use your words, sweetheart."

You were begging your cum dripping down your thigh. You were squeezing every part of him you could reach, trying desperately to move his body on top of you. He overpowered you with ease and remained firmly seated on the bed.

"Please Bucky I need you inside of me, please I need you." You were incoherent in a haze of your own want.

"hmmm. That's my good girl." he praised as he stood. You could see his cock tenting in his pants, before you could watch him for too much longer he grabbed both of your ankles and flipped your body. "Hands and knees, doll," he called out to you and you quickly obliged.

You turned your head over your shoulder to look back at him. Your body shivered, bare in the cool air. He removed his shirt revealing his midsection you loved so much. He was starting to slide his sweat pants down but stopped when he saw you looking back at him, thinking for a brief moment Bucky ran his hand up your folds and landed a stinging open-handed smack on your ass. He leaned over you his boxers still a barrier between your naked body and his, rubbing the sore red spot he just created. Hovering his head over your shoulder, you felt his breath on your ear again.

"Do you need me to wear a condom, baby?" he whispered in your ear. You shook your head no, usually, you would make someone you weren't dating wrap it up for cleanliness but you'd needed him inside of you more than you'd needed anyone. He could cross that line and you wouldn't care one bit.

"No, I'm good we're safe just please, Bucky fuck me."

He slammed his boxer clad hips into you and the sensation of feeling his cock so close to you made your back arch. You looked back at him again as he removed the last of his clothing. His dick sprung up from his shorts. He took himself in his hand and started teasing your entrance with the head of his dick.

"Are you ready baby?" he asked, landing another open-handed smack on your ass.

"Yes, daddy please."

You couldn't tell if you are calling him that caused a negative or positive reaction either way it caused him to growl and without warning, he slammed into you. His full size stretched you open causing you to yelp. His size was nothing his fingers could have prepared you for, he was splitting you in fucking half, you could feel him ramming into your cervix.

"Fuck." you groaned the pain and pleasure sweeping through you simultaneously.

He rammed in and out of you at a brutal pace, there was no way he could keep this up and he knew that but the sight of you taking him gave him an animalistic need to pound into you without hesitation or thought. Faster, harder, more, were the only things running through his head.

"Fuck, look at my good girl. You take me so well baby, that tight little pussy wrapped around my cock." He was memorized seeing you stretch for him it was everything he had been thinking since the first moment he saw you.

"Oh fuck, Bucky. That feels so fucking good." You moaned as his pace remained rough and needy. He landed another hard smack on your ass before he pulled away from your body.

You froze, not knowing what he wanted from you but knowing he wanted all the control. You felt the bed dip as he crawled into it, shifting next to you. He landed with his back against the headboard directly in front of you.

"Come here, doll." He motioned to his lap, his cock rock hard sitting straight up, red, and throbbing waiting for your body.

You bit your lip and started crawling towards his eyes never leaving his. You stopped with your mouth centimeters from his dick before you looked down at it and back up at him raising your eyebrows, asking for permission.

"Be a good little slut and suck daddy's dick." He ordered looking down at you. You could see his breath was labored and heavy, his ab muscles flexing on the release of his lungs. It was so fucking hot, watching him anticipate your touch it made your head swim. You just wanted to make him feel so good.

You took him in your mouth your tongue dancing over the head of his cock while your lips stretched around him. Sucking and bobbing your head until you gagged on him. You relaxed your throat and took as much as you could. Fuck, this was the biggest dick you'd ever seen and now have it in your mouth made it feel even bigger. He was moaning and whimpering, trying his best to watch the way your mouth was working his pleasure, but the sensation kept becoming too much he would have to close his eyes and drop his head back. The small pleased noises he was making made your clit ache with need, you were absolutely soaking the sheets under your cunt as your need dripped down your leg.

You snaked one of your hands between your legs, moving deliberate circles on your throbbing clit providing small waves of pleasure. You moaned against his cock as it hit the back of your throat causing your mouth to vibrate around him. He put both his hands in your hair and started bucking his hips into your face. Fully and relentlessly fucking your face chasing his climax. He must have noticed the lack of stability you had holding yourself up with one arm as he thrust into you swaying your body. He saw you playing with yourself and he snarled at the sight.

He grabbed a fist of your hair pulling you off of him. Your mouth released him with a pop and he drug you up to sit on his lap. "My greedy little girl wants to cum again?" he asked as he sunk himself back into your cunt from under you.

You let out a loud moan as he stretched you beyond belief again, throwing your head back unable to answer him and he fucked up into you.

"You better fucking answer me, bitch" he yelled as he smacked your ass again.

"Yes daddy please, make me cum again please."

He rolled you over placing you flat on your back. He lifted your legs over his shoulders while he pumped himself back into you. "Fuck, that's my good girl, that's my good fucking girl." he moaned, "Show me how my baby girl plays with herself."

You wasted no time returning your fingers to your clit. The stimulation from him and your hand in tandem were unreal and it sent you over the edge again. Your legs trembled as he rammed into your cervix letting his pace get sloppy as you clenched and came around his dick.

"Fuck, daddy fuck." You screamed as your vision went white and your hips bucked with the overwhelming pleasure shocking itself through your entire body. Your pelvis raised from the bed aimed at nothing but unable to sit still in the blinding pleasure.

"Fuck you look so perfect just like this, being such a fucking slut coming all over daddy's big cock." His words at this point seemed to be more for himself than for you, but listening to him ramble like that his sexy words milked your orgasm for every drop of euphoria you could possibly handle.

He pulled out of you and started pumping his cock in his hands, you took this as an invitation to move. You pulled your legs under your body sitting on your heels as you leaned forward with your tongue stuck out, ready to taste him.

You moaned as the tip of his dick hit your tongue desperately wanting to taste more of him, "Oh fuck, Open your Goddamn mouth." he commanded and you did placing both of your hands on his bare hips while he fucked his hand. You hardly had time to process what was happening when he stuck his full length back into your mouth coating your throat with warm ropes of his cum. The salty taste made you humm with approval. You instinctively started sucking on him again, making sure he was done, making sure you got every bit he could give you, making sure that daddy was happy.

Having the taste of him in your mouth after coming down from your lust-filled head felt satisfying. He had rolled over and laid next to you, chest still heaving. Breath still hitched and you looked down at his bare diaphragm unsure as to what you were supposed to do.

He must have sensed your unease because he reached over and extended his arm open to you. "Come here, doll. Come lay on me," he said and your core vibrated again, butterflies erupting in your stomach. You laid back on him watching his chest movement become more even and consistent. He pulled the blanket up to cover the both of you, you could feel your eyes closing and his arm began lightly running his fingers up and down your back lulling you into a soft sleep.


	7. Step 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if you are actually listening to the song but this chapter is brought to you by "affection"- by BETWEEN FRIENDS. Strap in she's FLUFFFFFYYY

The slow and steady thump of Bucky's calming heart had been your lullaby. The warm embrace of his arms had been your safe space, and as his hand moved up and down your bareback you were brought a sense of peace. You were safe and calm in his embrace. 

When you woke you inhaled the scent of Bucky's body wash as you lay on his chest. His breathing rhythmic and steady under your head. You could tell by the way you moved without his noticing that he was still sleeping. You slid out your side of the bed slowly trying not to wake him being as quiet as possible. Looking up at the blinking red light on the alarm clock it was nearly 2 am. You and Bucky had fallen asleep around 5 pm and slept through dinner. When you stood you could feel an unmistakable ache in your core, when you took your first step you winced throwing your hand over your mouth to muffle the noise of discomfort. Bucky really had opened you up and left you sore. It made you smile, remembering the amazing image of his beautiful body slamming into yours, it made your heart flutter. 

You walked across the room and into the bathroom, you needed a shower. Your thighs and center still covered in your own mess, leaving a film on your skin that just made you feel dirty. The cold tiles under your feet made your body shiver, you turned on the hot water and slipped back into the glass shower. With little to distract you your mind began to wander again, you could almost laugh at the differences in the last few hours of your life brought you, but that seemed to be a trend for you recently. 

You stood under the stream of warm water letting the water trickle down your body. Your back muscles relaxed at the heat and the steam warmed your face. The feeling of blood circulating returned to your unbearably cold feet. You placed your hands on the tile in front of you while you faced the shower head letting the water run down your back. Your brain was working a million miles an hour, you really couldn't keep up with the cluster fuck that had become your life. You washed your body avoiding getting your hair wet, but that wasn't enough of a distraction for you to stop thinking. 

You'd spent one nice day with him and lost the ability to control yourself. You had practically thrown yourself at him, jumping his bones the first time the opportunity presented itself. I mean he fucked the absolute shit of you, giving you the best sex of your life, you'd had some shitty sex but Bucky had made you cum twice with ease. His size filled you so perfectly, proving that orgasms were actually possible simply from penetration. _(Who would've thought?)_ But the feeling of unease hit you hard after your lust dissipated. He had been sweet to cuddle into you but you'd lost the ability to talk about your _feelings_ bypassing the fuck out. You couldn't help but think about what this meant to him, frankly, you weren't sure what it meant to you. Plus you were still a bit thrown off by his complete ability to be a total fucking ass. 

Walking back into Bucky's room you retrieved the light blue t-shirt he was wearing before you'd taken complete advantage of him. You let it fall over your body warming your semi damp skin. Climbing back into bed you felt too strange to curl back into him so you stayed on the other side giving you some space before you fell back asleep for the night. 

When the morning came you felt a weight on your hip that was unfamiliar, you looked down to see the vibranium arm wrapped around your body. You could feel the man attached to it cuddled up behind your back and you couldn't resist but to wiggle your hips slightly back into him, your move was a little bolder than you had intended forgetting he was still naked. You giggled when the vibranium fingers flexed outward before balling into a fist, at the movement. That same hand grab on your hip over the blanket and squeezed at the skin and bone, sending shivers through your body. 

"Careful there, doll. You don't want to start something you can't finish." You could hear the smug smile in his gravelly morning voice and it brought butterflies to your belly. His head nuzzled its way on your shoulder and he gave you a light kiss on your cheek. 

It was a good thing he couldn't see your face because you were smiling like an idiot, you couldn't help the muscles in your face relax for the life of you. Your midnight shower doubts seemed to have disappeared the moment you had his touchback on you, you no longer questioned him, yourself, or the situation. He and you seemed to only exist; here together, and that was more than enough for you. "I don't remember finishing being a problem, Sargent." You responded feeling proud of your audacity. He growled again and he pushed his hips into your ass again but you could feel his length hardening against you.

_Note to self : He likes being called Daddy and Sargent. _

You were feeling giddy just being with him, you remembered the exciting peace he brought you when you were together. He wanted to be here, he had wanted to hold you. You were not ready to wonder why, but at least you know it wasn't him feeling obligated, and it wasn't just a moment of weakness for him. It felt like the rest of the world stopped for you and Bucky, and that was all you wanted was for the world to leave you the fuck alone. You smiled again as you rolled under his arm to face him. The cool metal came in direct contact with your ass now, blanket, and your shirt had bunched up when you turned to look at him. 

He looked down at your body as you felt him grope your ass, he started staring at your lips again and you stared at his. Fucking plush pink lips, on his slightly tanned skin, his hair pushed back. How could you not stare? The stubble on his face made him look even tougher, which made you want to laugh. This big strong soldier, the man scared the hell out of you, but you'd seen the most human parts of him, literally and figuratively. He wasn't the Winter Soldier, The Asset, or Sargent Barnes, it was just James. He pulled his face closer keeping a hairsbreadth away from making any more contact. That smile that lit your heart up yesterday returned to his face before you had a chance to close the space between you. 

"What's so funny?" you asked him, suddenly feeling self-conscious. 

He pulled your stomach closer to him by pushing your ass forward until your entire bodies were flush with one another.

"You look absolutely beautiful in my clothes." Your breath hitched, that wasn't the response you were expecting and it knocked the air out of your lungs. 

He crashed his face into yours, the kiss was deep and needy and hungry and you moaned into his mouth unable to keep your composure as his hands roamed up to your hips. He maneuvered you up and onto his lap, him laying flat on his back now. Your arms crossed in front of your body before you broke the kiss, you placed your hands at the seam of his shirt as you pulled it over your head. Bare to him now he grunted as his hands flew to your breasts. You'd started grinding yourself against his groin causing your breathing to become heavy as he lightly pinched and rolled your nipples. 

"You want to ride me, sweetheart? Is that what you want?" He asked, his words shallow and breathy. 

"Yes, Bucky let me, please." His hands moved to your hips pulling your torso flat to his. He adjusted himself behind you rubbing the head of his dick on your entrance, coating it in your wetness to line himself up. He lied back on the bed, with your body still pressed to his. 

"You're in control now, baby girl." He said with a wink, he moved his hands to interlace at the back of his neck propping his head against them. 

You slowly slid down onto his shaft, pulling your body back upright, instantly you were being reminded of the burning and stretching that last night's activities had brought you. You pushed air through your teeth at the uncomfortable sensation. Bucky noticed your signs of discomfort, he moved his hand to your thigh and started rubbing circles on your skin sending you encouragement, you were doing such a good fucking job. 

"That's my good girl." He praised as you sat fully on his shaft. "Oh shit, you're so fucking tight, baby."

His words made your pain feel far duller, catching you up in the lust that was coursing through you. You began grinding on him, taking your time before bouncing up and down on top of him. His head rolled from side to side as you moved above him, taking your time. He was so big inside you, you could feel your walls contract around him every time you sank your body back down, having to readjust to his size. Your pace picked up steadily until you were sliding up and down the entirety of him with every thrust. Your thigh muscles were growing soar but you ignored the ache since you were overwhelmed by pleasure, the mind-blowing way that only Bucky was capable of making you feel. He was mewling and moaning under you, adrenaline pumping through your veins as you watched the super-soldier falling apart just for you. 

"Fuck, I- oh your dick makes me feel so fucking good. Oh my God, James fuuuccckkkk" Your head was lust-filled and hazy your filter was nonexistent as your words fell out in groans and your voice shook at the way he was splitting you open, hitting you perfectly in your deepest spots making you unravel into your animalistic needs. You didn't mean to use his given name, it's not like he had told you, but it really was just common knowledge of the celebrity that was James Buchanan Barnes. If it bothered him, he gave no hint of it. 

"That's right, doll God you look so perfect like this. Go ahead, baby girl cum all over my fucking cock" he rose his hands to your hips helping you move up and down. His entire body moved into a sitting position and he started thrusting into you as he caught your lips with his mouth. When he sat up his body it made you impossibly closer to one another, you felt newfound friction on your clit, and his dick was starting to hit your cervix. And as if that wasn't enough for you, he growled in his low voice

"Is my good girl going to cum for daddy?" Which only made the feeling of him, intensify.

"oh, fuck" you screamed, your voice was louder than you intended but you didn't care. Your bodies had found a rhythm and your consistent movement combined with his thrusts, worked your clit making it numbingly sensitive until you felt your body withering.

"fuck, daddy oh fuck, fuck me, please. Please don't fucking stop just like that. Oh God, I'm gonna oh- oh my fu I'm gonna cum daddy, please let me cum daddy." Your mouth was working alarmingly faster than your brain, you just began yelling nonsense at the ecstasy you felt. 

"Be daddy's good little whore and cum on me, baby." His rhythm persisted until you were nothing more than a shell of yourself squealing and screaming, he grabbed your jaw with so much pressure that your lips were caving into your mouth inches away from his face. His movements never stopped, never changed, knowing you needed the repetitive consistent feeling to chase your orgasm. 

"Look at me while you cum, baby. Right fucking here, look at the man who works your body so well, doll." Your eyes were glued to his as your juices pooled out of you covering his cock in your sweet cum. He loved watching the sight of you fall apart for him, you were so beautiful to him, especially when he had his dick buried into your tight, warm cunt. 

Feeling you gush, he lost his control. He fucked into you for a moment longer before he saw the peak of his orgasm on the horizon. "I'm going to cum, sweet girl."

You could tell it was more a question for you rather than a warning and you nodded at him,

"Cum inside of me daddy." you whimpered still milking your high. 

He cursed for a few more thrusts until you felt his release coat the inside of you and he twitched inside of you, causing you both to jump a little. Fucking hell. 

Bucky rolled you over and laid you flat on your back where you had been before you decided to climb him like a tree.

"I'll be right back okay, doll?" He talked to you like you were made of glass about to break, but his reassurance was sweet and you tried not to think about it too hard. 

He stood sliding his boxers over his hips before walking into the bathroom, he returned a few moments later with his hands full. He had a warm damp cloth that he cleaned you with before he grabbed a larger towel to dry you off. It was the sweetest aftercare you'd ever received, sadly it was the only aftercare you'd ever received from anyone. 

Once he finished he took both towels into his closet and returned with a clean t-shirt for you to wear.

"Up," he told you motioning to your arms, telling you to sit up. You lifted your hand and he pulled up to sit on the bed before he helped slide the shirt over your head. When your head poked out the top of the neck he leaned down and planted a quick kiss on your lips, before adverting his attentions to your arms. 

He sat in front of you kneeling on the floor and reached for your face, his palm was enough to cover your entire cheek, hands calloused and rough but his movements were gentle and thoughtful. He moved the loose hair that was dangling down behind your ear.

"Are you hungry, baby girl?" he asked softly. You nodded your head, afraid you were still unable to form words after he had just fucked you stupid. But you had definitely worked up an appetite. 

* * *

Bucky had made you an omelet, a step up from yesterday's cheesy eggs.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" You asked as he began gathering ingredients on the counter. 

"No, doll. Sit and relax I have got everything under control."He said as he pulled out a cutting board and started dicing the onion. 

"Come on." you said ignoring his instruction to sit, walking up behind him you wrapped your arms around his waist and put your cheek to his back. "let me help you, please?" You were adding more whine than necessary. 

He stopped his movement placing his hand over yours, he left the knife on the table before he turned to face you. He kissed the top of your head before leaning down to look into your eyes. 

"Let me take care of you, go sit." He said softly but his eyes told you he really wanted you to stop, that he wanted to do this for you. You decided not to work his nerves over too much so you stepped back and walked over to the stool and sat. 

It was sweet the way he felt the need to care for you, he'd always try and beat you to a task. Never letting you open a door, clean your dirty dishes after he had prepared you a meal, or pour your own cup of coffee. 

"When did you have time to learn how to cook, Sargent Barnes?" You added a bit of extra sass to the pronunciation of his name, remembering what happened the last time you'd called him that. Your eyes fluttered up at him and he looked at you with a warning grin, noticing your flirtiness. 

"I uh, learned it when Steve and I were gone from the Avengers, it was a rehabilitating hobby that was suggested to me. As a way to make something pure and good, creating something from nothing rather than destroying something into nothing." His eyes glassed over as he spoke, which gave the illusion that even though he was standing there talking, his mind was somewhere else completely. 

You instantly regretted asking, bringing up Steve couldn't have been easy for him. Hell bringing up being away from the Avengers or why he was couldn't have been easy. You grimaced and folded your hands in your lap. A few moments passed and you stayed unmoved, almost to the point of tears. 

"Don't do that now, doll." He said wiping the onions from the cutting board to the pan with the long edge of the knife. 

"Do what?" You asked, he didn't seem to cross with you so you were genuinely confused by the command. 

"Don't pity me when I tell you the truth about my past."

"Oh, Bucky I wasn't-" he cut you off before you could lie and deny the sadness that washed over you after he'd answered your question. 

"Yes, you were!" He yelled and his hand swung down and hit the table causing you to jump. 

"Bucky," You said with a wavering voice. His outburst caught you off guard, you reluctantly looked up at him. He ran his hand through his hair slicking it back letting out a labored breath as you saw his chest push it out with effort. He'd almost began pacing before he stopped and looked back at you.

He threw his hand out in front of him with his 4 fingers straight out and said "I am-, I have a past." His voice began to calm down but the passion was still ever-present in his voice. "I can't have you feeling guilty every time you ask me a question." He stopped again taking a breath and closing his eyes as he exhaled. "And you won't ever know me if you don't ask." His last sentence was quieter as he released it on an exhale. 

You stood and started backing up hands shaking you could feel the blood rush to your head, you weren't sure where you were going but you knew you didn't want to be here. As you turned your back and started walking out of the dining hall you could hear Bucky calling your name behind you. You shook your head as if it would block your hearing and make it easier to ignore him. 

This was the first time since your nightmare, since he held you, since he was inside of you, that you didn't want to be around him. The first time he was the asshole side of himself, the ass he showed you when you first met him since you've exposed many parts of yourself to him. You knew this is who he was underneath all the gushing, dotting, and affection, but there was so much of you that didn't want to believe it. 

You felt the warm flow of tears as they fell from your eyes, you wiped them away as soon as your wandering mind was able to notice them. You wanted them to fall away to not believe you'd been so stupid, to allow yourself to realize that you had developed feelings for the one man on earth who was more broken than you could ever be. 

Your feet moved you and before you realized where you were going you opened the doors to the gym walking in with a purpose that simply did not exist. You saw a gathering of yoga balls and kicked the large blue one as hard as you could, as it flew through the air it was almost comical how it flew and bounced. You tried not to think about how ridiculous you must have looked. Normally you'd be the first to poke fun at yourself, but the idea of letting down a wall even to yourself right now seemed almost unbearable. 

Walking into the pool area the strong stench of chlorine burned through your nostrils. You walked around looking at the curve of the blue tiles as the water got deeper and deeper until the bottom was too dark to see. The small white irregular tile on the side of the pool had a big black number eleven on it. You removed Bucky's shirt and the pair of boxers you'd stolen and let them fall around your ankles carelessly. Leaving your clothing in a pile on the side of the pool you jumped in before you could even think. 

Your skin hit the water cooling your body from the heated room, you felt the liquid embrace every part of you and you began sinking deeper and deeper into the blanket of blue. You kept your eyes closed, you didn't care much for looking around the empty pool, but being down here void of sounds, smells, or visuals you felt your mind panicking again. You were in constant need of distraction, and this was the exact opposite of what you were looking for. 

You began kicking your legs, looking for the top of the water, panic ensued and it felt like you'd lost every ounce of breath in your lungs. You jolted to the surface your eyes red, your breathing heavy, and your mind wore. You pulled yourself to the edge jumping out of the pool like the water was poison on your skin. You scooped up your clothes and ran into the locker room still heaving for air leaving a trail of water in your wake. Gulping breaths resulting in tears and snot flowing freely as you stood in a puddle created from your dripping hair. You buried your head in a clean towel letting it absorb the noise of your crying and the very cute liquids that were streaming from your face. 

You felt his hand on your naked back and you wanted to shatter into a million pieces from the embarrassment. The tears, the panic, wasn't from him, but surely it must seem that way. He'd yelled at you and that just started the downfall of emotion, opening the floodgates if you will. In short, if he thought this was all his doing, he was flattering himself.

You pulled your body out of your arms reach unfolding the towel to cover yourself, he'd seen you naked but naked and crying was too bare for your comfort. 

"I left the door open if you want to go back to the room, doll."

He'd reverted to the pet name, though his tone was flat and empty. Which is just like a man, let him lash out and piss you off and then walk around brooding like the star of a fucking Zoloft commercial. You glared at him but your mouth remained closed your face like stone. 

He turned around to walk out leaving you there watching the wall as he disappeared behind it. You redressed quickly though the clothes were soaked through. You wrapped a towel around your head and walked back into the gym. You saw him off in the corner on a treadmill running at high speed, you walked quickly through the room and let yourself exhale when you reached the door. 

Walking back into the apartment felt weird again, you'd just wanted to be in your own space, to retreat and be left alone, but even the option of solitary confinement had been taken away from you. Too irritated to deal with the chemicals or damp fabric covering your body you collapsed your body on the couch, the bed feeling too personal to its owner for the time being.

You turned the tv on desperate to break the silence, you landed on Cosmos. It buzzed in the background making you feel small, making your problems feel small in the best way possible. You felt your eyelids starting to droop and you let them fall until sleep had overcome you. 

When you woke the tv lit the room lightly the Apple TV screensavers changing every few minutes, displaying beautiful cityscapes letting of a blue and yellow glow. When your eyes focused on the coffee table in front of you, there was a small cup of water filled with a few droopy pitiful looking black-eyed Susans with some of the roots still intact. It was really was a pathetic sight the way they had been haphazardly thrown together. Looking at the dwindling bouquet the brightest smile lit up your face, Bucky had brought you flowers. 


	8. Step 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love fluff and this chapter is proof of that. I know it's not for everyone but the drama is on for Step 9, I have already written 1/4 of it and I am very excited to post that one next Sunday.  
> Thank you for leaving kudos, I know it shouldn't matter but it makes me super happy that there are people out there that like the words in my head. 
> 
> I guess this is a ***trigger warning****, I am so sorry if this bothers you but it's Bucky so it was going to happen eventually. There is prosthetic play in this, in simple terms parts of his metal arm are going to be inside of Y/N. I am so sorry, but likeeeee *Debby Ryan Face*

Flowers were not going to fix Bucky's anger problem, they weren't going to make the pain you felt by him shouting at you vanish, and they sure as hell weren't going to be enough... but it was a sweet gesture none the less. You took a moment to yourself to examine the small collection in front of you, appreciating the sad group of twigs brown grass, and dirt-covered roots before having to put your warm feelings aside to hold him accountable. You sat up stretching your arms above your head, feeling your muscles tense and contract as you contorted the direction of your movements. You turned your head looking around the open living space in the apartment half-lit from the tv glow. Other than the flowers there was no sign of his return, you stood slowly taking your time in your after nap daze to walk in the direction of the bedroom. The closer you got to his bedroom, the louder the noise of the shower had become.

You'd thought about it for a moment, you _were_ still mad at Bucky. You were dealing with your own issues and you needed him to be your calm presence in your life right now. Maybe it was selfish of you to expect him to dote on you and be sensitive to your feelings when he didn't owe you a thing in the world, not only had he saved your ass but you hardly knew him. He was an acquaintance and so far a one night stand, at the end of the day he wasn't anyone to you. But if he was going to play any part in your life he was going to have to be a source of calm and comfort, it was what you would _need_ from him, no exceptions. There was already too much going on to add more chaos.

Still, he _had_ gotten you flowers, and you did _need_ a shower. So maybe you could chastise him after you no longer smelt like chlorine, and when an unbelievably beautiful man wasn't standing in the other room dripping wet and butt-naked. The muscles in your face flexed and your mouth formed a mischievous grin. You slipped his t-shirt over your head and began walking into the steam-filled bathroom. You felt a little insecure interrupting his shower especially since your last interaction had been quite emotional and you hadn't been invited in, but you figured he wouldn't mind. And this would be a welcome distraction for yourself and him, or at least you hoped it would. Your hand reached for the metal handle on the shower door hesitating only momentarily before you pulled it open, it made a small suction noise as the seam connecting the two glass walls came undone.

Bucky turned at the noise and his eyes landed on your naked body, you watched as his body stiffened and his relaxed demeanor faded. He was standing under the water with his long hair pushed slick against his head. His beard was dripping water down his chiseled torso. Each time you saw him like this, bare and exposed, it seemed like his shoulders became broader, his muscles more define, and the need between your legs intensified. You maintained eye contact with him as you stepped onto the wet tile of the shower, looking at him through your thick fluttering eyelashes. His gaze moved from your eyes, he was not hiding the way he was taking in your naked body, he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth biting it slightly.

You could see the way his chest started moving faster as his eyes roamed your curves, you felt like you were standing under a magnifying glass, it made you slightly nervous but extremely powerful. You quickly closed the distance between you two and grabbed the shampoo from the shelf before spinning around away from him. He flinched thinking you were going to grab him, your mind swam with amusement watching him so on edge. Your body was inches from him now but you avoided any accidental touching as you pulled away. He stepped back allowing you to wet your hair before lathering it in the shampoo you had teased him to get. Your body repeated the close encounter when you leaned back to put on the shelf, this time he smirked knowing your game and anticipating your tease.

Closing your eyes you leaned your head back to let the water rinse the suds from your head, you both standing in silence while the soap circled the drain. When you were finished with the shampoo you tried to pull the same trick on him when you were reaching for the conditioner but before you could grasp the bottle Bucky grabbed your wrist causing your entire body to halt. You turned your face to his giving him an inquisitive look with your raised brow. Before you could get a sarcastic remark out of you he pulled you over to him smashing your body against it, he ran his hand through his hair missing a few strands that stayed to fall in his face.

"You think you can tease me like that and get away with it, baby girl?" his grip tightened around your wrist.

Your faces were so close now his lips grazed yours as he talked, despite yourself, you couldn't ignore the feeling that his question gave you. You tried to keep your powerful facade up, "What the fuck are you going to do about it?"

His metal hand snapped up and grabbed you by the neck, pulling you into a dark passionate kiss. Your bare body against his and the only thing between the two of you were the hot water droplets that made your skin feel like it was melting into his.

You were unable and unwilling to fight his movements, his hands instantly landed on your hips pulling you flush to his hardening cock. You moaned at the contact your left hand trailed down his body and grabbed his length, your right hand wrapped around his neck. You began stroking him slowly causing him to let out the most amazing noises you'd ever heard. His moaning furthered your need, you tried to stifle a moan but it was useless.

His mouth on yours the movements became clear and deliberate, you wanting him was all that was keeping your body functioning, the blood in your veins, the rhythm of your heart, and the air in your lungs felt like it was only there to please Bucky. Your tongue dominated his mouth moving and teasing him as your hand-pulled softly on the strands of his hair on the back of his head. Your left hand moving faster as his hands ran up and down your back.

He thrust his hips aimlessly into your hand, almost as if to say he was ready for you. You were working him, giving him a heavenly feeling but after having you it wasn't enough. He knew what your body felt like when he was splitting you in half, how perfect you felt pulsing around him, he was aching to be inside your beautiful cunt. God, he wanted you so fucking bad. But more than that he wanted to make you feel good, to apologize for lashing out, he wanted to take care of you.

His hands moved slowly down to your ass and he began leading you backward. Your back softly hit the tile wall to the left of the showerhead. He pulled his face back from yours making eye contact as he slowly sank to his knees, your eyes stayed locked on his watching his slow movement, each time he moved it was like he was asking for your permission. You didn't respond but he could see in your face how you were silently screaming for his touch, each one of your eyes pumping desire out into the room it was almost palpable.

He was sat on his knees at your feet leaning back on his heels he looked up at you letting his eyes dance over your body from this angle. He felt his cock twitch just at the sight of you waiting and writhing for him, he grabbed your right calf lifting your foot from the ground. He brought it to his lips leaving small kisses on the inside of your leg, he trailed up to your thigh while keeping his hand wrapped around your calf. The closer his kisses got to your core the further he leaned in until eventually your leg was draped over his right shoulder.

He released your leg letting his shoulder bare the weight, he opened your folds with his right hand, the sight almost fucking killed him. Looking back up at your face he broke the silence, "Baby you're soaking wet for me... I've barely touched you." An almost evil smirk crossed his face at the pleasure he'd felt seeing you practically dripping at the idea of him. Your head fell back to the wall at his words. You let out a needy sigh, whining for attention swaying your hips searching for invisible friction, something, anything that could provide some kind of release.

He lifted his metal hand to your core teasing your entrance with his pointer finger. He looked back up at you again, asking for permission this time you gave him a nod before rolling your head between your shoulders growing impatient for your pleasure. Your eyes closed and you let out a gasp as you felt the cool metal enter you, he moved his other hand above your clit giving his mouth a direct path to you. His mouth fell to you instantly and you let out a loud moan. He placed his tongue flat on your clit moving it with precision while his other hand worked inside of you.

"oh, fuck James." you mewled as he looked up to see you falling apart for him. His hand moved inside your pulsing walls, he could hear you begging for more and it took all he had not to bend you over and fuck you senseless, until you forgot your own name, until you couldn't fucking walk. But he wanted you to know how good he could make you feel, hoping it would help you forget how shitty he had made you feel earlier.

He began moving his hand faster inside of you keeping his mouth at a consistent speed, lapping your juices feeling your core contract around him as you began to feel your orgasm beginning to crash into your body. "Ahhh, god Daddy!" You screamed out feeling the overwhelming climax crash into you "Daddy, I'm gonna cum, fuck I'm so close." He growled into your cunt begging to be covered in your sweet juices. You arched your back and you felt your toes that were laying on his back begin to curl as he continued bringing you intense pleasure.

Your body convulsed until his movements became too much for you to handle anymore. You placed your hands on the sides of his face and pushed his back away from you.

"Fuck" he said as he pulled his metal hand from your core you came so hard there was visible proof on his fingers, they went into his mouth and he hummed at the flavor. You were like candy on his tongue and he fucking lost it. He didn't waste any time standing up and crashing his body back into yours, his cock was throbbing and aching for your touch. He smacked your ass playfully, you yelped at the contact causing him to let out a devious chuckle.

"Turn around baby." His voice was deep and even, drenched in need, in power. Your legs were shaking but the idea of Bucky going from being on his knees to please you, to break you in half made your needs return with a vengeance. You wanted him to fucking own you.

You turned facing the tiles and he pulled your ass to his core. He placed a hand on your lower back and wrapped the other around your body stabilizing your stomach causing you to bend at the waist.

"Brace yourself on the wall, doll. You're gonna need it." You could hear the smirk on his face as you placed your palms flat on the cool tile your back had just been on. Before you expected it you felt Bucky plunge into you without warning. Your cum made it easy for him to slide in with ease but your body still had to stretch and open for him, contracting at the thick pulsing dick made you scream the pleasure and pain pooling in your core giving an unbelievable feeling so soon after your release. His fingers were long and thick but they were nothing compared to his cock. He began pumping into you brutally, letting little grunts and moans out as he worked you over, fucking music to your ears. His hand clashed on your ass leaving red handprints in his wake. "Fuck, baby girl you're doing such a good job. Look at you my good girl, you're being Daddy's good fucking girl aren't you?" He said as his hand landed on your ass again making your body quiver, his praise filling you with desire.

Your muscles spasmed around him and you let out a loud moan as he moved inside of you, but he wanted to hear it, he wanted you to say it. He hit your ass again in the same spot, harder this time causing you to yelp. His hand found the back of your head, grabbing your hair, and pulled your head up sharply, never losing his pace his other hand digging into your hips as he continued to slam into you. "I asked if you're being my good girl. When I ask you a fucking question you answer me. Do you understand, baby?" He asked again, his words coming from behind his teeth this time you couldn't tell if it was anger or lust but you didn't care either one right now made your body pulse.

"Yes daddy, I love taking your big fucking cock." You moaned with intense exaggeration, knowing what a pretty pouty voice would do to him, letting your words linger on your puffed out bottom lip.

"Goddamnit," he yelled as his hips moved faster, both hands returned to your hips and you felt his fingertips pressing into your skin with force. The bruises he was forming were the furthest thing from your mind, the pain, and pleasure-filled every one of your senses and he was all that mattered.

"Fuck!" you yelled, he was breaking you, you felt your body wither under his strength and you did everything you could to stay up on your feet. You couldn't believe it but you were going to come again, how the fuck did he do this to you? He felt your walls contract around him, which made his thrusts sloppy. You could tell he was about to finish, you flexed your muscles causing you to wrap even tighter around him, and that is what did him in. He filled you with warm ropes of his cum, covering your walls and filling your cunt you began dripping from your core. His moaning came out loud and strong causing you to spasm as he filled you, milking himself inside of you claiming your pussy with every fucking drop.

He pulled himself back and you stood quickly grabbing his arms, afraid he was going to fall over. You had just stolen this man's soul and sucked it through your vagina.

His forehead landed on your shoulder and you listened to his breathing as it slowly began to even out. His hands moved and he placed his hands on your hips with a much softer touch. He tried pulling you so he could hug you but you stood planted in your stance, keeping distance between your bodies.

"James," you said softly. Breaking his mind from holding you. He knew this was coming, of course, he did. He just hoped maybe it wouldn't, hoping he had made it up to you in his actions. He was never any good at communicating true, vulnerable feelings it was actually one of the things he was the worst at. He looked up at you as he lifted his head from your shoulder.

"We need to talk about it." He was going to deflect he did that, it was a good way to get around these kinds of conversations.

"Did you see the flowers I brought you?"

"I did," you said evenly trying to hide how happy the small gesture had made you, this conversation needed to be as serious as you could make it.

"I know you wanted to go outside and I told you that you couldn't, so I thought- I thought I could bring some outside to you." He grabbed your chin in his hand gently pulling your eyes up to his face before leaning in to kiss you gently on the lips.

You melted at that, you'd thought it was his half-ass apology but it had actually been an extremely thoughtful gesture. Still holding the image of his outburst in your mind you pulled back slightly from him, putting some distance between the two of you. Your face was stone, looking at him standing in front of you his brows knit looking confused at the sudden change in your demeanor.

"You can't just get me flowers and expect everything to be okay," you started looking at him trying to read his expression. His face was blank almost like he couldn't hear a word you were saying. "James?"

His lip twitched at the sound of his birth name falling from your lips, the only indication that he was actually listening. You stared at him a moment longer slightly annoyed with his lack of response. He didn't know how to deal with conflict, not anymore, and especially not with a woman. He was a bit out of the game, the last woman he'd been with was not a normal circumstance, much like everything in his life, she was _different, but so were you._

He inhaled sharply considering your words, he'd figure you'd be angry and he figured you'd want to talk through it. He pulled you closer again, needing to feel you if he was going to do this if he was going to open up. He wrapped you in his embrace and you didn't fight him on it this time. You leaned forward placing your head on his shoulder while his hands ran up and down your back before he caressed your head. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears to have you close like this, without lust clouding his mind. He felt completely helpless, but he couldn't stop himself.  
  
  


  
  
  
"I am working on my anger, and I am so sorry I let it affect the way I talked to you. You didn't deserve that." He whispered it, but your head was so close to his ear you clearly heard every word and it honestly touched you how straight forward he was, you knew it probably easy for him, but you did appreciate it. You looked up at him, leaning your torso back slightly to meet his gaze.

"If we- if I am going to have you in my life." You froze, even having him inside of you minutes ago it all just felt so fast, every way you phrased it seemed too personal. "If we are going to be doing this, in any capacity that you're involved in my life, I need you to be a safe space. I cannot deal with more broken pieces of myself." Your voice started to shake, you hadn't realized how true that had all been until you said it out loud. Tears stung your eyes and threatened to spill, he saw your eyes go red and he pulled you back into him. Letting you rest your spinning head in his warmth.

"I want to be here for you, doll." He shushed you as he felt your irregular breathing and shaking indicating your quiet sobs. He reached behind you to shut off the stream of water before he opened the shower door with one arm still clutching you to his chest. He leaned on one foot to reach out of the shower grabbing a plush white towel to wrap around your body. You grabbed it from him and held it above your breasts. You were so sick of crying so you forced yourself to stop, left raw you stood there still feeling like a shell of yourself. He stepped out grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist before turning back to you offering a hand for you to take.

Once you stepped out of the shower he helped dry you off, starting with your hair. Returning your towel around your body, he began brushing out your hair. He took his time, gently worked the knots out of your hair, he concentrated on his soft movements as the brush moved across your scalp. His face looked so hard while his hands moved over you with the utmost care, you couldn't help but stare at him in the mirror. It blew your mind yet again, the Winter fucking Soldier was brushing your hair. You felt yourself smile at him unable to let your eyes leave the perfection that was his face.

Once your hair was brushed and pushed behind your shoulders he very haphazardly dried and brushed his own hair, he took less than a minute to fix himself after spending almost 20 on you. Turning back to you he made intense eye contact, his stride up to you made your knees buckle. How did he make a simple walk look so sexy? He stood in front of you pushing his body flush with yours, you bit your bottom lip feeling on you. Your eyes met his through your eyelashes, and he lifted you with both hands under your ass over your towel, you wrapped your legs around him as he walked you back into the bedroom. He sat you gently on the edge of his bed, he leaned down and offered a small kiss to the tip of your nose. You felt your blood rush to your checks at the sweet gesture.

He walked back keeping his eyes on you before he needed to look up disappearing into the closet. The cool air whipped around your damp skin causing gooseflesh to form. When he returned he was wearing grey sweatpants that hung low off his hips, he held a black t-shirt in his hand as he walked closer to your body. You sat there just as he left you, he reached down moving your hands from holding your towel forcing it to fall to the bed and your lap. He pulled the shirt over your head and you guided your arms into the holes as the fabric wrapped down your body. You looked back up at him, he really was a sight to behold and half of you wanted him to take you again.

He sat on the bed with his back against the headboard. You'd just woken from your nap and you weren't tired but you wanted to be held, it was almost indescribable the way you felt when he held you. You placed your head on his chest and tucked yourself under his right arm. Your body moved to lay against his side and you wrapped your foot over his leg. He pulled the blanket over your legs and ran circles across your back.   
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling after all that fluff? Don't you worry your pretty little mind I am about to fuck it up because after all this is the MCU, and also we love a good plot. Please let me know what you're thinking comment and leave kudos, it means so much to me! <3


	9. Step 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a reminder that I am not following strictly the M.C.U canon but I am also pulling inspiration from the comics that I have spent hours reading and hundreds of dollars collecting. I am in no way an expert but I have receipts so please remember we are in a land of make-believe.
> 
> ***TRIGGER WARNING***There is behavior in this chapter that I would consider emotional abuse so please read with care.
> 
> The song "Dizzy On the Comedown" by Turnover was on repeat while I was writing this chapter (if you care).
> 
> The seggsy song though for this chapter is "I Feel Like I'm Drowning" by Two Feet

Bucky woke up with your hair splayed across his arm. The trendils tickled against his skin and he reveled in the feeling. He slipped quietly from the best trying his best not to disturb your sleep. You were so beautiful when you slept, it was absolutely perfect and he couldn't bear the thought that he may be the reason the sight of you like this didn't exist in the world. He took his time moving from the mattress and pausing every time you began to stir, careful as his weight moving away caused you to move. You didn't even know how hard you were pulling on the strings on his heart with every twitch and sigh. 

It took him everything to get up and leave you, he wanted nothing more than to lay there and hold you all day. Work was calling and he knew better by now that he needed to be on his best behavior, he couldn't slip up. It had taken a lot for Pepper to negotiate the custody of Bucky be handled by Stark Industries, and the opportunity wasn't lost on him. He was to check in at his desk and virtually meet with his handler, that was the protocol for Mondays when he wasn't out on missions. He was being seen by a branch of FBU out of D.C. they had higher clearance and more powerful weapons which made them more equipped to handle a genetically modified half metal previously brainwashed Hydra assassin. After last week's excitement, he knew that his leash was bound to get tighter. 

When Bucky fell back into the hands of the US government it had been a bit of a tricky situation, they hadn't had to keep tabs on Steve, the way they did with Bucky. That was the only other time that a Word War II Army veteran who also happened to be a super-soldier was frozen and brought back to life in the modern-day. So the VA wasn't exactly equipped to handle all that. 

The FBU was a good place to keep Bucky on record, they were good at keeping quiet. Hell, most of the country didn't even know the Federal Bureau of Utilities existed. So having Bucky reporting there shouldn't have put anyone at risk. Still, the narcissistic part of him couldn't help but think that his connection to the FBU was the reason Hydra had targeted them. He checked in with Craig, poor old boring Craig. He was short with Buck's attitude and had little to no sense of humor. Still, the meeting was redundant and quick, with the same questions, the same reminders, but new orders. 

Surprisingly enough there was no major update on the investigation and no one was blaming Bucky the way he was blaming himself. He decided it would be best to stick around the office, he had a mountain of paperwork to do with the massacre he and Sam had walked into the week before. Each deceased person needing a separate report with details of their findings as well as photos. He knew it was going to be a long day, and he was right. Seeing the bodies only briefly in person he was now faced with their lives, identities, and families. Matching that to pictures of their lifeless blood-soaked bodies could make the toughest stomach churn.

Having lunch at his desk and not taking much of a break since he started, it still had nearly rounded dinner time by the time he'd finished the first office of the FBU. Even though he'd have another office to do until the work was really done, he decided that he had seen enough blood and death for the day. 

Walking out of the offices and back into the hill, he had let his mind go blank after the heavy material he had spent all day on, he really couldn't think about it anymore. It was too much even for him. Other than a few stragglers here and there the hill was practically empty. Stark Industries had a pretty strict rule about leaving on time, Pepper didn't want her employees working late into the night she valued family time, and her employees needed to do too. The life-saving work though sometimes was not able to be put off, so there were often a few night owls.

As he walked back to the housing units, his mind flashed to you and he finally let his brain work, he let thoughts back into his mind. He thought about what you had done with your day, he wondered if you thought about him, if you'd missed him, or if you'd be in his room when he returned. He smiled at the thought of you laying in his bed as his t-shirt absolutely engulfed your frame, at the thought of coming home to you.

When he walked through the door of his apartment, it was quiet. He walked into his room holding his breath waiting to confirm his presence but he was ultimately let down. He knew it was a long shot, you'd probably been with Cabe most of the day, and no doubt you would have been relieved to be let back into your own room. He thought a while about knocking at your door, about inviting you over, inviting you to _stay_ over but decided against it. If you wanted to be here you would be here _,_ you'd been stuck with him all weekend and he didn't want to insert himself where he wasn't wanted. He knew you were dealing with the first fits of trauma, and has been there himself not too long ago, he wanted to give you the space you needed. 

He changed from his flannel button-down into a t-shirt and some joggers. If you weren't going to _give_ him a work out he'd have to go to the gym and get one that way. During the meeting with Craig, they had read the mission report that was sent over from FBU headquarters, most of Bucky's copy had been redacted, clearly, the government had a hard time trusting him. 

The two things he _did_ know based on the report was that he needed to be ready to hop on a quintet at a moment's notice and that Sam and Nat were due back soon. 

Steve left Buck, and that hurt him like hell, but he understood why. He would have done anything for the woman he loved. Bucky was starting to understand that, particularly when Nat came back. It was Steve who had brought her back, in his last mission as Cap. Steve and Nat had been friends, and regardless of any selfish motives, it was very much the _Steve_ thing to do. Nat had transferred to the D.C. office per her request shortly after she was back and was getting good at keeping her distance and though he understood why it was a little sad that their friendship had practically disappeared. 

==============================================================================

You'd spent most of your morning with Cabe going over the list of things you needed, and she showed you a few more parts of the facility, the laundry room was surprisingly plain you'd expect more from Stark. She had also walked you back to the medical wing to meet your therapist, which made you incredibly nervous. Therapy was a big deal, and not something you'd ever done even if you should have. Pushing it from your mind you sat tapping your foot in a cold empty waiting room. There was no art on the wall no worn-out Highlight magazines, it was fridged and steril.

Dr. Clea was short but her presence filled the room, with curly grey and white hair that ended just below her ears. She was older somewhere in her 60's, she looked at you with big eyes as you sat in the office space across from her. "What would you like to work on today?"

You looked down at your thumbs and spun them around one another. Really there was nothing you wanted to talk about, not with her a stranger. You shrugged your shoulders not really knowing what to say. Cabe had made you fill out these questionnaires before you sat down to determine your state of mind and she was looking them over as you avoided her gaze for the floor. 

"I can see your anxiety score is quite high, do you know why that is?" Her voice was soft and reassuring but the words felt like daggers. You nodded your head at her again. "Do you want to tell me why you've been anxious?" she asked trying to prompt you to open up. 

"I'm sure they already told you why, I don't understand why you would need to hear it from me." You were a little snappy but her demeanor didn't change. 

"They don't tell me anything, I know everything that I know because my patience trusts me enough to tell me. The only thing I know about you is your name, that you're not a genetically modified being, and that your anxiety and depression are in an elevated state per your questionnaire. Have you been taking your meds?" 

"I couldn't, I got locked out of my room this weekend."

"That must have been very frustrating for you, tell me about that." She said, it was a little way to wiggle into your personal information but it worked, she was good. You began going over the weekend, omitting some of the more _graphic_ details. She always had a follow-up question that led to another follow-up question and eventually she got back to the reason you were here, to begin with. 

You gulped a breath before you started to divulge the information she'd spent most of your morning trying to get from you. She watched your face as your expression changed going from each emotion you felt at each point _that_ day. The hangover that saved your life and the boy who beat a few of the actual Avengers up in your living room. 

She explained the shared trauma is what made you rely on Bucky, and it was okay because it was reciprocated but you needed to work on being strong for yourself, by yourself. The medication would help if you made it a priority, it would take up to a few weeks to start working but you had to be consistent so no more locking yourself out of your room. 

Dr. Clea stayed with you most of the afternoon as you talked, she didn't want to overwhelm you on your first day so she let go around 3. The walk back to your room felt like you were floating, faces blurred into unrecognizable blobs. When you got to your door you'd almost forgotten where you were. You walked into your room and immediately felt dizzy. 

Your room felt empty, and even if it was nice to have your things around you again it felt less like home than Bucky's room did. You ignored that feeling, of course, it felt that way, you had spent much more time in his room than you had your own. That's what you kept telling yourself anyway, as her words sunk into your head you needed to be strong for yourself, by yourself. You rubbed your eyes as the tears began to collect on your lower lash line. Hoping rubbing would make them disappear you lifted your hands and pressed them into your eyes but your fists still came away from your face damp. You changed into pajamas and crawled into your bed, you were mentally exhausted. Your bed was cozy, the pillows and sheets were soft against your skin but they smelt sterile, the blanket was thick but you felt cold and alone. Your brain felt like it couldn't take much more, so you put on your favorite stand-up special that you had seen about a million times over, you could recite it from memory at this point. 

Paying attention to the comedian helped though you thought the words as they fell from his mouth and it kept your mind from thinking too hard about anything else. Somewhere during the talk about his dad, you fell into a light sleep, the tv buzzing quietly in the background was a lullaby. The glow of the tv faded as your consciousness did and you lost the words you knew so well in your dreams. 

When you jerked up from the mattress you'd felt the impact of reality fall back on you. Your body was coated in a thin layer of sweat and your tears fell before you realized they were there. Looking over at the clock it was a few minutes until 21:00. Your muscles started tensing and it felt like you had the wind knocked out of you as you gulped for a breath. Your legs started moving mindlessly, carrying you into the hallway and then to Bucky's door. You tried to turn the handle but you knew you couldn't open it so you began frantically knocking until the knocking turned into the pounding, and the pounding turned to kicking and screaming until your back hit the door and you slid down to collapse on the floor. 

Your head fell between your knees and your breath became shallow. The air you were swallowing down was never enough to fill your lungs, to catch your breath. You sat there letting your airway fill with fire since the oxygen refused to take its place. Your throat burned as the air rubbed it raw, your eyes stung red with tears and your head had started banging back in a rhythm on the door. You stopped when you heard footsteps growing louder and faster. You looked through your crossed arms and saw a sweaty looking Bucky running full speed in your direction. The moment he was close enough to you he reached down and swept his arms around your waist lifting your body flush to his. You wrapped your legs around him and let your head fall on his shoulder. You could feel him, smell him, hear him, and the air slowly started to expand in your lungs once again and a steady stream of tears fell out of pure relief.

"That's it, baby girl you breathe for me. You're doing so good, doll just like that." He reached for the door and he carried you into his room. Once he crossed the threshold his hand wrapped around the back of your head, soothing you while the other lay in the middle of your back he kicked his leg back to close the door. He peppered your neck and cheek with small kisses. Your inhales were followed by a slight hitch as your panic started to reduce and simmer. "Good girl." he shushed you as he laid you on his bed. 

He sat up next to you facing the headboard that you were laying against, as he pulled the blanket up and pushed your loose hair from your eyes. His hand ran along your cheek as he searched your eyes for your resolve. "You're okay now, I got you," he said as his thumb traced your features. He wiped away the tears that lingered on your face before leaning down to kiss your lips softly. You lay there for a moment staring up into his crystal blue eyes the look he gave you when you had your first panic attack at your house still on his face. It was a mixture of worry and care.

"Baby, I gotta go clean up are you gonna be okay? I can leave the door open and I'll only be a moment." You shook your head, as much as you didn't want him to leave you didn't want to be more of an inconvenience than you already felt you were. "Do you want to join me?" he asked quietly still stroking your hair. 

"No", your response was quiet and your breathing hitched again as your lungs were still calming down. You didn't think you could stand your body needed to rest after that episode, your head was still floating and you needed a bit longer until you felt completely grounded. He leaned down and kissed your forehead as he stood and swiftly walked into the bathroom. You heard the shower start shortly after that. Even being here in the familiar room surrounded by his things brought you more peace of mind. Knowing he was in the other room even if you couldn't see him gave you a bit of solace. You curled your legs up and rolled on your side facing his pillow, you pulled his blanket up to your chin and buried your hands under the side of your face. You let out a slow evening breath, your entire body felt the deep exhale. 

Bucky walked out of the bathroom with his wet dark hair clinging to the sides of his head, he had pushed it straight back from his head after drying it briefly with the towel. The water droplets still fell from his head and down his bare muscular back and chest. The same towel that was now wrapped loosely around his waist. The sight of him made you shiver. He was in a hurry to get to his closet so he could get back to you but you spoke up, stopping him. "James" you called out. 

His movements didn't stop, he was still focused on the task at hand. "I'm just gonna grab some pants, doll," he said without looking at you. 

"James," you said again, your voice a little lower. He turned his head to you hearing your tone change, "come here, now."

In a few long strides, he was standing over you on the side of the bed. You lifted your shirt and he took that as his invitation to start moving across your body. His lips slammed into yours and you opened letting him take control. You lost yourself in the feeling of his skin on yours. Goosebumps covered your skin as he moved to anchor himself on top of you, he led your head back to the pillow as his hands moved over you with nothing but care. 

"Gah, a doll I missed you all day." He said getting you down where he wanted you. Your heart stopped for a moment to hear the sweet nothings coming from his mouth. 

"Bucky-" was all you could get out, his arms were on either side of your body and were holding most of his weight off of you but you felt his hardening length against your middle and you ground your hips up into him causing him to let out a breathy moan. "Touch me, please Bucky- make me feel good." That was what he had asked to do the first time he touched you and the thought of that still drove you wild. 

"My girl" he purred, leaning down kissing your neck as his vibranium hand moved down you heard the fabric of your panties dripping between his fingers, you couldn't give a shit if you tried. 

He lined himself up with your core leaving you to whimper as he teased your entrance running the head of his cock up and down your cunt. He hissed at the wet skin as it teased his sensitive skin as he watched you whither under him. "Please, Bucky please I need you." He didn't want to tease you as much as he liked it, he really did want you to feel good. 

He sunk himself into you slowly allowing you to adjust to his size as he split you open. He was seethed all the way inside of you and he waited there for a moment before leaning down and kissing you again briefly on the lips. His kiss blew against your lips like a wild wind, when his hips you could have sworn there was electricity in your veins. You screamed so loud and it reeked of nothing but pleasure. 

He moved his hips in and out of you working your core to his satisfaction. You could feel him hitting your cervix and your hips bucked up as he hit your deepest spot feeling yourself already starting to fall apart. You moaned and gasped every time he slammed into you, your entire body was shaking as he built up the pleasure in your belly. 

"Does my girl want to come?" he asked in a soft seductive tone. You nodded your head but he shook his head at you, "tell me, baby girl."

"Yes, James please." His hand snaped down with that and started working your clit coaxing your orgasm up onto the highest peak of pleasure. 

"That's my good girl." Your body convulsed around him squeezing your core eliciting a delectable moan from his big soft lips."Ah fuck, baby- oh fu ah, oh look at you, sweetheart. You look so fucking perfect like this." Your head rolled back as you felt his release fill you as he groaned out on top of you. A beat skipped and he gently pulled himself off of you, wincing as he removed his softening length from you. He rolled over and pulled the towel that he'd had wrapped around him up to clean you off with, gently wiping your sensitive overstimulated sex. 

He walked over to the dresser pulling out his lounge pants and bringing over a t-shirt for you to wear. Even though you had your own pajamas you missed being wrapped in his clothes so you sat up and let him guide your body into his shirt. 

He got down and laid next to you gently in the bed placing the palm of his hand under his head bending his elbow above his skull. His muscles contracted as he pulled you into his body guiding your head to rest on his chest. His metal arm ran circles across the arm you had to lay over his stomach. 

"Do you want to talk about it, baby girl?" he asked in a careful whisper. You let out a shaky breath, you tried burrowing into his chest but there really was nowhere else to hide. His hand continued his deliberate movements across your back, adding a bit of encouragement for you to let it out.

"My job is- well it's abnormal." Your voice was low and soft but the quiet room and your proximity to Bucky made it easy for him to hear you. 

"I think I would know something about that." He responded almost laughing, "what do you do at the FBU?"

"I watch the cameras really, nothing exciting. I have to file reports on odd meetings or if there is a person on government roads or properties. The security behind the security camera is how it was explained to me, but I- I can't help but think there is more to it than that." You looked up at him to see his brows knit, so you continued trying to ease his confusion. 

"I knew what I was doing was wrong, I knew that if the public knew my job existed they would be concerned. But I never could have imagined it would- t-that they would," You couldn't bring yourself to say the words, the thought of the office you'd grown familiar with was just scattered in dead bodies, the floor you walked on daily was soaked in blood. You felt your tears well up in your eyes, Bucky's hold on you grew tighter. "I guess I thought that there was a reason, there had to be. That we were doing what we had to to keep people safe, or for government statistics. It felt intrusive but I figured people would care so much about whereabouts being that private. If felt dirty, like I was spying on the general public. I just never thought-" but talking about it, saying it out loud didn't make you feel better, so you just stopped.

He didn't let your words sink in, "You-" He pointed his finger at you as he pulled away from you slightly, "- you're the fucking tracker?" It came off harsh, and it made you tense you'd seen that look on his face before it's how he looked at you when he thought you had murdered your colleges yourself, the first day you met him. That's when you realized just then his switch flipped again and it scared the absolute shit out of you, but you were confused what did he mean _tracker_?

"Oh, _doll_ ," he said annoyed huffing out his breath.

"Buck-" you started but he cut you off. Running his face through his hands before he caught your eyes with his.

"I report to the FBU, who do you think keeps tabs on the fucking crazy brainwashed Russian assassin? They watched me too, but you probably knew that. They have to, I'm just another fucking asset. That's how they chained me to the hill." His tone dripped in anger, him referring to himself in a cold and heartless way made your hands shake. He glared at you as if your lack of knowledge on the subject was your own fault as if you had open access to every file at work and chose to ignore them. You flinched as his tone grew hastier, feeling yourself retreat into yourself.

"Your job was to watch roads, to watch people right? And you thought that you were innocent? Who watches the assassin? Huh? The same fuckers who track Hydra activity... You want to sit here and tell me you didn't know what the fuck you were doing? You were supposed to catch them, inform _your_ fucking government how they were meeting where they were planning. Well, you should see what they did to your coworkers since _you_ failed to do _your_ job."

"James," you started but he cut you off again, his tone was annoyed and his volume accelerated.

"Oh, don't fucking start, _doll_ " He spit the nickname at you like it was poison on his lips. "You're smarter than that. You knew that's what you were looking for while you watched those fucking roads. Why else would you get paid to watch fucking county road 85? Use that pretty little head of yours." he stood and started pacing the length of the bed. "God, all you had to do was find them, sit at your desk and tell us where to find these assholes and you couldn't even manage that. What a dumb fucking bitch you are." his head shook as did his hands and his pacing became more stomping than anything. 

Your tears fell free now, large gulping breaths replaced your ability to respond. You shook your 'head trying to make it stop, to make it go away but he wasn't done tearing into you.

"They got in, you let them in and they slaughtered our people because you were too dense to see Hydra under your own nose. Run your numbers again next time and maybe _I_ won't have to wade through a sea of blood. They tore one of the worker's heads off their body can you imagine what it feels like to have your flesh ripped apart? Can you imagine having to look at that afterward?"His vibranium hand reached out and grabbed your jaw pinching the skin, he forced your eyes to meet his. "Answer me."

You pushed away from him moving your jaw out of his hand, his teeth were holding his tongue in his mouth like a prison as his anger seethed. "I didn't mean to Bucky, I ran the numbers I paid attention I swear. They weren't on my cameras, they might not have been in my sector. _I did my job, I did my job, Bucky. I promise I did my job_ " Your head fell into your knees as you brought your legs to your chest, your chant continued, _"I did my job, I did my job."_

He didn't wait for your breathing to stabilize or your tears to stop falling, he walked to the closet quickly and then back out again, he turned to look at you with your head still buried in your lap. "I'll be back in five minutes and you better not be here." He turned quickly and walked out the door slamming it in his wake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How ya feeling? I hope everything wasn't too confusing things are about to get ✨dramatic✨ I made this chapter a bit longer in hopes of making up for mean Bucky, but I told you he's a broken asshole.


	10. Keep Going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is 12:05 on Monday morning where I am and I am so sorry I am 5 min late with this update. It took me forever but I wanted to get it out for you. This is a Sam heavy chapter but we love him so it's all good. Also, I am already planning the next chapter so I hope that one is out on schedule because I have an exciting character to introduce in Step 11! Enjoy!

"Buck! BUCKY! Come on man we gotta go!" A blurry figure was yelling at a sleeping Bucky standing next to his bed. A shadow was looming over the man who was backlit from the closet light that shone behind him.

"The fuck Sam?" Bucky could recognize that pain in the asses voices anywhere.

"We got a location on Zemo. We gotta get to Buffalo like now man." The urgency in his voice was not letting up and Buck knew he had to move quickly.

He jumped up and noticed that Sam was already fully geared up and ready to go. He walked into the closet and started removing the clothes he had been wearing. He threw his discarded t-shirt into his hamper covering your pajamas that he'd tossed in there earlier.

He came back after kicking you out and saw your clothes sitting in the middle of the floor. Noting you took his shirt when you left. When he moved them earlier it made him mad, another one of your fucking messes he had to clean up. Seeing them now, even though it had just been a few hours, he felt a bit sad.

He clipped a knife to his cargo pants and thought about if he should go tell you goodbye. He didn't know when he would be back, and there was always that looming thought that he may not come back. They had a location on Zemo though and he didn't have time. Plus he figured you wouldn't even care to see him. He knew you did your best, he knew his outburst was unjustified but he was also not ready to make nice. You had presented as so sweet and innocent always playing the victim, it irritated him that you had been keeping this secret from him. He just needed some more time.

Zipping his leather jacket all the way up covering the white muscle shirt underneath he walked out of the closet boots in hand. He sat on the bed putting on the socks and slipping on his shoes before standing. He gave Sam a nod indicating he was ready to go.

\---------------------

The location had been a train traveling across the state and unfortunately, the train had left the station before the soldiers arrived. Flying with both arms attached to Sam was not Bucky's idea of a good time but they were running slim on choices. The Falcon had the ability to fucking fly and be a badass. Thanks to T'challa, Sam had been upgraded to vibranium wings, they were lighter and could cut through any surface with ease including the air. All Bucky had was his strength and his fucking arm.

Flying to catch the train and dangling from Sam's arms making them look like some giant metal dragonfly was irritating but they were up shit's creek without a paddle. Collectively had been through much worse so neither one of them audibly complained. When Sam landed Bucky's legs on the train followed by his own they both crouched down to their knees bracing themselves with their hands.

"Alright, let's get in there, Sam."

"Give me a minuet will ya?"

"We don't have time for that we-"

"Dude I've been carrying you for the last 20 minutes. Unlike you, Barnes my arms **_are_** just flesh and blood."

"Right, sorry. If it's any consolation your hands were gentile."

"You always gotta make it weird huh?" Bucky laughed as Sam caught his breath.  
  
  


The men jumped down landing outside a door leading into the first train car. They figured Zemo would be in disguise so finding him would take a little bit of detective work. Bucky took the lead walking down the aisle of the train car with Sam hot on his tail. They scanned the car looking for any obvious masks or familiar faces. Bucky had been looking over to his left when he felt a nudge on his right. He turned to see an elderly woman he had bumped into, walking down the thin walkway heading in the opposite direction of the men.

"Oh, my apologies miss. Are you alright?"

"Oh I'm is just fine, but you won't be." She smiled at him, her teeth were small and frail-looking with a yellow outline surrounding them. Her laugh was loud and creepy and it confused the hell out of Bucky. She lifted her cane and brought it down stabbing into Bucky's boot.

"Fuck!" He yelled, moving his foot back from under the pressure of her cane.

"Hail Hydra!" The lady yelled before reaching around her waist and banishing a knife in Bucky's face. He jumped back and smacked the knife out of her hand.

"Everybody down, anyone left standing will be considered an enemy!" Sam yelled, looking around seeing no one hit the ground his adrenaline started pumping harder.

Bucky was pulled back as every passenger jumped up grabbing both him and Sam. They were all Hydra agents and the soldiers had walked into a train full of them. A man sitting in the chair behind Sam stood and pushed him down using his foot to slam his body to the ground.

"Oh hell no" Bucky yelled as his legs were being lifted by the tall brut man behind him. Sam rolled from under the shoe on his back and stood quickly. He deployed his wings cutting through the metal of the train and the arms of the man behind him. He lunged forward helping Bucky out of the hold he was caught in before bringing his wings back in and punching anyone who came near him. Sam through his elbow up into the jaw of the man behind him, he looked over to see Bucky's arm pushing one man's face into one of the windows shattering the glass.

"Bucky, keep your cool." It was a warning as well as a request. Sam had ridden along with Bucky long enough to know what happened when he saw red.

The train car quickly filled with the sounds of broken bones, men and women groaning in pain, teeth falling to the floor, and the spattering of blood. They weren't aiming to kill, just to disable and disarm the efforts of the agents.

Bucky had already broken several noses before he applied enough pressure on a man's leg to bend his femur bone with a loud crunching noise indicating he had successfully snapped it in half. He threw another man's body back colliding with the mass of the crowd causing them to fall back and off their balance. It made it easier to knock them out one by one. A punch in the jaw, a head to the top of a seat, a contorting snap of a wrist, or a face to the knee. Whatever opportunity presented itself Bucky and Sam worked quickly to incapacitate each of the patrons.

Standing in the sea of unconscious bloody bodies Bucky turned to Sam.

"How many cars are there?"

"Eight in all."

"You don't think they're all like this one do you?"

"Naw"

_ (The Falcon and the Winter Soldier, issue #2) _

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sheets were colder in your room, not as soft, void of any welcoming scent. There had been no word, no awkward run-in, no sighting of Bucky since he kicked you out a week ago. You didn't ask questions, he was clearly avoiding you and there wasn't much you could do about that. The nights that got really bad, the nights when you couldn't breathe, when you wanted to combust you'd find yourself banging on his door. He never answered, he hated you. You hated you.

Dr. Clea kept you busy during the day, the work she was doing with you was exhausting. She would push you from your comfort zone, making you dig into the darkest parts of your brain and bring them into the light. Your work with Dr. Klein was helping, your meds kept changing finding the right combination was causing your mind to go haywire. It all felt so out of control, the chemicals in your brain were working against you. Trying your best simply wasn't enough anymore.

You were trying to keep yourself busy, utilizing all of Stark Industries facilities seemed to be the easiest way to distract yourself. So you had been finding yourself swimming a few hours a day. It made your body feel strong and it helped focus your intentions. The movement was consistent and the activity made you tired which gave you the physical ability to sleep.

A week without incident so imagine your surprise when you walked into the gym heading for the pool when you were greeted by the Falcon.

"Hey, _doll_ " he added a bit of a teasing tone to the pet name.

"Hey, Sam how's it going?"

"Pretty good, we've been busy sorry I haven't come to see you. I'm sure you've been bored out of your mind."

"Well, I hardly think I have come to expect a personal visit from a superhero regularly. But I appreciate the sentiment." You offered a half-smile, it was all you could muster.

"After what we went through I think it's what you're owed. You're a member now kid, welcome to the club." His voice was low and sincere. You knit your brows in confusion, the last thing you considered yourself was 'one of them.' You felt more like a prisoner, maybe even a burden but certainly not like a member.

"Hey, what happened to you is something we spend a lifetime seeing and you never get used to. After something like that there's a comradery, sense of belonging. We are in it together, I can promise you that." He placed his hand on your arm giving you a reassuring rub.

"When I was enlisted we stood side by side as brothers and sisters. This was something you didn't sign up for but that doesn't mean we aren't in it together. I promise all of us are here for you. Hell, I bet even Bucky-"

"Bucky?" You cut him off unable to stop your mind from fixating so quickly. It was kind of pathetic really, Sam was being so sweet and here you were wondering about your former fuck buddy. You tried to relax your tone as you continued. "Did Buck say anything?"

"Uh, no." He looked a little bewildered by your urgency but didn't think too hard about it. "I actually haven't heard from him in a few days, that's why I wanted to come to see you actually. We found some intel on that kid and I wanted to update you, did you want to grab dinner maybe we could talk about it then?"

Your brows rose and your stomach churned at the mention of the kid, you tried not to think about him outside of Dr. Clea's presence. So to hear Sam mention him so casually with an update made you want to lose your lunch right there on the rubberized gym floor. You nodded your head at him and gave him a small smile, as much as you wanted to wallow in your self-pity it would be nice to have someone to spend the evening with instead of crying into your pillow. 

"I'll swing by housing to pick you up, six okay?"

"Yeah that sounds great, Sam"

You tried really hard, like really fucking hard not to cry the entire time you were swimming but the water was too good a mask for the tears to pass up. You let your mind go instead of being intentional with your movements you became a bit of a blubbering mess. You decided it would be for the best to head back to housing and get ready for dinner. Your mind was anxious to get to the update to hear all about why you were being ignored, it took everything in you not to demand he tell you right then and there on the gym floor. Having been there a little over a week you knew better by now. Shit, working your government job you knew that there was a time and place to discuss things that would need a certain level of clearance to be heard so biting your tongue was the right option.

After your shower you started blow drying your hair, you could smell the familiar smell of botanicals was wafting off you from your shampoo. You decided to wear your hair down for the first time in a while. Usually, you just wanted it out of your face but you figured it might be nice to have it down tonight. You also put on some mascara for the first time since you'd been here. Your crying habits could defeat the most heavy-duty waterproof makeup so you just stayed away from it.

Sliding on a pair of jeans over a black bodysuit you felt more like yourself since arriving. You grabbed the brand new burgundy booties from your closet and walked to the couch to put them on your feet. You had added them to your 'needs list'. They really would approve anything you'd asked for so you may have taken advantage.

You grabbed a black leather jacket and threw it on before you left the room, turning the lights off as the door swung closed behind you. Walking into the hall you could see Sam halfway to your room walking in your direction.

"Wow, look at you." He said taking you in. His eyes scanned your body and he hummed with approval. "you ready to go?"

"Yeah, I'm starving." He turned on his heel as you got to him and started walking out of the housing with you. He leads you to a garage where there was a black SUV waiting and running. He opened the door for you motioning his arm for you to get in. You climbed in and he closed the door behind you before running to the other side and climbing in himself.

"Sam?"

"Yes?"

"Where are we going I thought I wasn't supposed to leave The Hill?"

"Well, this isn't an official outing so no one has to know you're leaving. But with it being a weekday this is the safest time to get out. Employees are always in and out of here so even if they see a car leaving they won't know you're in it. I have my gear and this car is armored so don't worry girl, I got you." He gave you a wink, and although his words were a bit heavy he delivered them so lightly that you couldn't help but feel reassured.

"But to answer your question we are going to the farm." You gave him a look indicating you had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. "Cl- er Hawkeye, is on a long term assignment in San Fransico and I've been house sitting when I'm in town. That's why we have a driver tonight. I'm not going back to the hill until tomorrow, but he can take you back whenever you're ready to go."

The car ride was quiet the rest of the way. The driver didn't have clearance which is why you guessed Sam hadn't said anything to you. Your skin was itching to ask what was happening, all you knew was that there had been an established identification on the man who stormed into your livingroom.  
  
  


Sam poured you a glass of wine and handed it to you as you sat at the dining table. He apologized for his lack of planning for the fourth time as he slid the frozen pizza into the oven. With his own glass of wine, he moved, sitting across from you.

"Sam, I hate to be so antsy but I need to know what you know please." He let out a long exhale then took another sip of his wine. He placed the glass on the table before he started talking.

"We got identification on him, but we don't know where he is. They call him The Natural, after a _long uhhh...steak out_ \- Buck and I made contact with a Hydra boss called Zemo. He's working to be head of the organization but The Natural is working with his competitor trying to take out anyone who stands in her way." He paused momentarily letting the heavy amount of information sink in before he continued.

"So Zemo gave us some information on the kid's personal life so we could find him. For the first time, we are working _with_ a known Hydra agent. We have a common enemy and Zemo is much less of a threat than this kid. Zemo has his goons but he couldn't take this kid down without us."

"Where is he now? Bucky I mean..."

"He and Nat are undercover, it's actually kind of funny." Your face scrunched in curiosity hoping he would explain the joke to you.

"They broke up, what seven months ago? Now they are playing house." Sam started laughing as he knocked his fist on the table but you didn't find the humor. It wasn't until he noticed the sour look on your face that you softened, offering a less curious response to the casual conversation.

"Pl-Playing house?" You said clearing your throat as you tried to keep cool but you could feel the flush rushing to your cheeks.

"Yeah, we were able to ID him so we moved Nat and Bucky to his parent's neighborhood."

"So they're undercover playing house?" you repeated yourself not realizing it until the words fell from your mouth.

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith type deal." He nodded grabbing the glass off the table bringing it to his lips for another sip.

"Oh, I- Uh I didn't know he dated Black Widow." Using her Avengers name made her seem less real, that was as much as you could handle. You tried your best to make it sound casual hoping he couldn't see right through you.

"Oh yeah, for a while. Buck doesn't talk about it much." You could tell he was intentionally giving you vague answers. Sam turned back to the kitchen to look at the timer on the stove, the number two blinked back at him so he turned back to face you.

"He's not good about talking about things unless he can be a smart ass about it. Nat moved to DC shortly after that." It felt like he was trying to backpedal quickly.

You had started to stare off at nothing trying your hardest not to cry. You lifted your glass to your lips and in one large gulp, the liquid slid down into your empty stomach. Sam had gotten up to retrieve the pizza so he didn't notice the sudden intake of your wine. You reached over grabbing the bottle and poured yourself another. Fuck maybe you should add a case of wine to your 'needs list'. Sam returned with some of the pizza divided between the two plates. He placed one in front of you before returning to his seat.

"I'm sorry I don't have more information for you. I wish I could have could tell you he was in custody or that we knew why he showed up at your office but I thought maybe some news would be better than no news." He took a bite of his pizza trying and failing to hide the way it burnt the roof of his mouth. You took another long drink of your wine avoiding the pain of the burning hot cheese.

"Bucky asked me to keep an eye on you, so when he comes back maybe don't tell him it took me a week to get word to you." He smirked at you but your face went stone cold at him.

"Why exactly did it take you a week to tell me?" You asked trying to keep the annoyance of your voice at bay.

"I was called back to Chicago, I've been working with some of the gang leaders out there trying to get those kids off the streets." He took another bite, if he could sense your irritation he didn't show it. This time when you shot back your wine you didn't care if he saw you or not.

"Do you have any more wine?" You asked picking up the now empty bottle and slamming it back on the table. Sam started nodding as he stood, walking back into the kitchen, you followed behind him feeling the room slightly sway as you stood for the first time since you started drinking.

"Why did you bring me all the way out here if that's all you wanted to tell me?" Your mind was spinning as you took another step closer to him encroaching slightly in on his space.

"I just thought you may want a change of scenery is all." He said turning away from you to grab the corkscrew.

"Is that all?" You asked in a low tone, feeling your patience run thin.

"Maybe you should eat something before I pour you another glass." He said once again pulling away from you. You began to get annoyed yet again. You stared at him for a brief moment before your gaze dropped to your hands. Thumbs fidgeting with one another at your belly. You looked back at him up through your lashes feeling the wine swirl in your stomach and the tears prickle your eyes.

"Maybe you should go." He said placing the bottle back on the counter before turning to face you and placing his hand on his hip.

"Ugh, why?" Your frustration was starting to simmer inside of you rising to the surface.

"Because you're drunk, and clearly not okay." He said you looked back down at your hands feeling nervous now under his blunt but accurate observation of you.

"I'm fine."

"No you're not," he said leaning back to let his hips rest on the counter.

"There has never in the years I have been working with Buck that he has ever told me to look after an asset. That mixed with the look on your face when I told you that he and Nat are playing house, and your nonstop questioning constantly referring back to him leads me to believe that your his girl, and I am not interested in being involved in your plot for revenge." You swallowed audibly as he continued to lean into you, his tone wasn't exactly harsh but his words were.

The tears began spilling from your eyes as your arms crossed at your chest. You felt small under his gaze and you wanted nothing more than to disappear.

"I'm not his girl." You whispered out looking down at his feet. "I'm not I- I'm not plotting revenge I'm just having a hard time being alone." You felt like you were choking on your words but getting them out was important to you. You didn't want him thinking you were trying to be malicious. Anyone, anybody really, was better than being alone even if it wasn't in an intimate way. The last thing you wanted to do was betray Bucky, it wasn't about him.

"I didn't mean for it to come off in that way." you barely breathed out in a whisper.

"I know it must be hard that he left without being able to tell you, it's not his fault he didn't-"

"He found out what my job was and kicked me out, he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. He said it was my- that I was why-" Before you could finish Sam looked at you and shook his head cutting you off.

"Look I don't know all the details, and you don't have to tell me. But I know Bucky and I know his temper. I cannot tell you the number of times he's told me he hates me." He let out a small huff of air with a smile.

"That temper of his only flares when it hits him hard, and then he slowly comes down from it. There is no amount of times that he goes through this cycle that it takes for him to learn his lesson, but he always has my back and I trust him with my life more than anyone else in the world."

"Sam, you weren't there you don't know. He was really mad and he meant it." Your sobbing was interfering with your ability to speak but he was patient with you letting you work through your emotions to find your words.

"And I'm telling you, he asked me to look after you. He cares he's just a passionate asshole, it's up to you whether or not you want to put up with it."


	11. Step 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I am stressed out and I am trying my best to be on time with my updates. I love this story and I hope you do too. Your comments make me so happy. I made a tik tok for my Fan fictions the same name as it is on here so go over there and drop a follow! The song for this chapter is "Play Date" by Melanie Martinez. 
> 
> ALSO IF YOU ARE UNDER 18 (I know I can't stop you from reading but my stories aren't for you.) PLEASE KNOW THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP IT'S JUST FOR FUN! All men is trash. **TW:**Masturbation, death, some light emotional abuse, heavy hate sex, light physical abuse. Kinda orgasm denial but not really idk?
> 
> When Bucky comes down the stairs the second time I imagine the song "Working Man's Town" by Kid Kapichi playing.

"Honey, I'm home," Bucky called through the house as he opened the door. He was met with no response. Much like his life for the past week, this house was cold and empty. He placed his briefcase on the ground next to the door as he started pulling his tie loose. He ran his fingers through his hair he had made a habit of pushing it straight back. Now with it so much shorter and full of pomade his fingers came back sticky and slightly grimy.

Walking across the hardwoods the heel of his dress shoes tapped on the floor. He wasn't comfortable here yet and given his housemate he wasn't sure he would be. He started climbing the stairs when he heard her raspy voice from the couch.

"Hard day at work, dear?"

"You try sitting in that truck for 8 hours and tell me you're having a good time."

"I'm far too busy here, dinner is almost ready." She gave him a smirk as he looked over her head to see the completely empty kitchen.

"I can make us something but I need to shower first. I hate feeling like-"

"Like you're living in the 40's?" He ignored her and strode up the stairs annoyed by her comment.

Bucky and Nat had a complicated relationship. Sure, she was a spy and he was a brainwashed super-soldier who broke good. Outside of that though it hadn't been a walk in the park. They were both very attracted to one another but after years of training and learning how to manipulate your emotions with a mixture of a semi-stable 100-year-old man you get yourself one hell of a party. A lust-filled short-lived party, but a party none the less.

Once he was in his room he grabbed some lounge clothes from the dresser. It had been a while since he packed his go-bag so they had been sitting a while. The fabric had a stale smell to them which just made him feel further away from home. Further from you.

He sat on the edge of his bed as he began untying his shoes. Slipping them off one at a time and then placing them just under the bed with the heels facing out. He had long shed his blue suit jacket and continued yanking on his tie until it was long enough to side up to his neck and around his head. He peeled off his white button-down before removing his belt, as he held the leather in his hands he popped sides together and couldn’t help but think of how pretty you would look with it clasped around your neck.

Making his way across the hall he flips on the light to the bathroom before closing and locking the door. He bent to turn the water letting it warm up. Stripping himself of his suit pants and undershirt he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He noticed the fading bite mark below his collarbone. You had a habit of biting him there when he was moving on top of you, in the moment he hardly seems to notice it but at that moment `the slightly pink flesh is making his head spin.

He could see your face, hear your moans, remember the way your body felt. It pushed his urges further, he made his way to the shower removing his briefs and stepping into the tub. His cock was already hard and he couldn't help but stroke himself slowly twitching at the touch. He stood with his metal arm propped above his head on the tile as he fucked his hand water cascading over his head and tricked down his body. He let out soft sweet grunts as the pleasure flowed through him down to his toes. He had missed you, even after only a few days of being with you he had begun to like the idea of having you around. He let himself blame it on the lust on how good he felt when he was burying his cock deep inside of you, deep down he knew it was more than sex but he wasn't ready to let himself think about that. 

He felt the blood rise in his body as he continued his consistent pace taking extra care to rub his thumb over the tip as he jolted his hips. His orgasm was building as he thought about your tits bouncing below him, the way you would clench around him, and then he growled when he thought of how sweet it sounded when you called him daddy. 

His grunt got louder as he painted the wall of the shower with his cum. He let himself pulse in his hand as he caught his breath placing his forehead on his metal forearm. Turning to face the water he let it run over his face as if it would wash the thought of you right off of his body. Even after washing his hair and body, he felt dirty. He hadn’t touched himself since you had been separated and he felt almost guilty for thinking of you given how he left things. Hell, he wouldn’t be surprised if he never spoke with you again, he was used to pissing people off to the point they would go out of their way to avoid him. He was an ass and he knew it but he knew if you did go out of your way to avoid him he would go out of his way to get in yours.

After dressing in his sweats he walked down the stairs to see Tasha hadn’t moved from her spot on the couch. She was typing away on the computer probably looking through whatever bullshit she could hack from the neighbor's house. He wordlessly made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge to see what he could make with the ingredients on hand.

“Any interest in a vegetable stir fry?”

“You know me, Buck.”

That was a loaded statement he did know Natasha and pretty well. Fuck, 8 months ago he had been in a heaven on earth with her. But things change people change, their priorities change. Bucky knew whatever he was running from Nat was running straight for and it caused a Bungie reaction to their relationship. They would spring back into one another and the fighting wouldn’t stop. The arguing was constant and then the relationship became more of a chore than a relationship. 

He’d loved her and he always would but it was better this way, they had to live life on their own terms now. Making choices had been taken from them for far too long for them to do it back to one another. There had been a final straw and at the end of the day, Bucky needed someone who loved him the way he had loved her. He needed someone who wasn't chasing demonds. 

Her saying he knew her in regards to his question about food meant that she would eat whatever was given to her she had never had the luxury of being a picky eater.He pulled bell pepper and onion from the produce drawers and began chopping them on a cutting board.

“Any news?” He called over to Nat who was still furiously typing on the keys on the laptop.

“Yeah, I think the dad has a thing for feet. Mom really likes shopping and using credit cards. While I doubt they know that about the other I wouldn’t call it top-secret intel.”

Buck huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes. Natasha liked to be sarcastic she got a lot of humor out of dark situations and it made living in a constant on edge environment more bearable to be in.

“How much longer are we playing this PG?”

“As long as Nick says I guess. I don’t think us going to rough up some 50-year-old4 unarmed parents is in line with Stark Industries morals.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, he wanted to punch someone for information so he could get this fucking kid and go home. He missed his bed and his routine and you. Plus, sitting in a van for 8 hours to pretend you have a job is not his idea of a day well spent.

“I won’t tell if you don’t.” He said shrugging his shoulders she turned her head looking over at him.

“No more of that, James. We have to do it right or not at all.”

“Natasha Romanoff, a stickler for the rules.” His tone was sarcastic and he placed his hand on his chest to fake surprise.

“Shut up, Barnes. You know how I do things now and I am not going to help you will any bullshit ideas that aren’t properly cleared.”

Her tone wasn’t harsh but Bucky kept quiet. He knew if he kept trying to push his agenda he would just end up angry and hurt. She was good at being stubborn and so was Bucky unless it came to her. He would have bent the world foe her and she kept straight as an arrow.

“Have you heard from Fury, or is he still dodging us?”

“I haven’t talked to him, but I haven’t needed to.”

“I thought you were going to ask him about leaving, Zemo isn’t going to let us sit on this information long before he will try and bate the Natural out himself. So we can either go over there and rough the place up, or Zemo can blow the block and we all die.”

“I’ve heard this story before, James. Keep practicing your storytelling. Your skills are still coming off a little lazy.”

“Tasha, I understand you want to play by the fucking rules but I need a little help here. You contact Fury and tell him we need to move on this or I _will_ do it my way.”

“I think you know I don't work well with ultimatums, _Barnes_. You want to talk to Nick you go right ahead but don’t make me your secretary. I may be following the rules, but I am not taking orders from you.”

Bucky saw red. His fists clenched into tight fists as he tried to compose himself but he couldn’t, he was angry. Really fucking angry and he needed to hit something or someone. He ran up the stairs without thinking heading to his room. He disappeared only for a few moments before stomping back down in his full gear. The metal arm on full display, cargo pants hung on his hips with obvious weight, indicating he was carrying weapons. Natasha’s eyes went wide as he walked into her line of sight.

“Bucky, don’t.” She yelled after him but her words were falling on deaf ears. 

He swung the door open so fast the wall rattled. He stomped out into the suburban street down the sidewalk in the direction of the parent's house. Katherine and Marv Greene lived 2 houses down from where he and Nat had been staying and up until now he had kept his distance but if he had to spend another day with her in that house he was going to explode.

He used his manners and knocked but when it took more than a minute to open the door he started pounding.

“If you don’t open the door I will open it for you.”

He stood a moment longer looking over to see a geared up Natasha walking in his direction.

“Come on we can do this after we talk to Fury!” She yelled out to him.

Before she was close enough to stop him he kicked in the door. It fell to the ground inside the house with a loud thump, and as soon as he took a step in he could smell it. He had actually been knocking on death's door. He turned his head to see Nat approaching the steps and she could tell by the look on his face that something was up.

He walked past her bumping her shoulder on the way out.

“Whoever did it is long gone now call Fury to get a team down here, I’m going home.”

————————————————————————————————————

After your night with Sam and a long quiet drive back to the Hill with the unnamed agent, you curled yourself into a ball on your mattress and didn’t plan on moving. Sleep found you but you kept yourself from falling too deep into it. Scared that your nightmares may return and there was no tin man around to make you feel better. You would leave the lights on and let the tv blast or listen to loud music to occupy your mind. Whatever would cloud your mind and make you uncomfortable enough to evade sleep was what you wanted.

You’d heard the pounding but had just assumed it was “The Empire Strikes Back” that you had to blast from the living room. It wasn’t until the pounding was met with your name that you pulled yourself from your light sleep to join the world of the living yet again. You’d walked out into the living room picking up the remote to shut off the TV. You grabbed Bucky’s red hoodie, which you had stolen last week, from the couch, and put it over your tank top since you were pretty sure your nipples were on full display.

Without a word, you looked through the peephole and you felt your stomach drop your blood rushed cold through your veins. _This must have been the lingering effects of the wine, or an actual dream because there was no way in hell he was here right now._

As if he could read your mind, and you were beginning to believe he could he yelled out again.

“I know you’re in there.” Oh, Fuck.

“ I’ve already bust down one door today I would really like to not have to do that again, doll.”

That made your cold blood boil. _Was he fucking serious right now?_ After what he did he was going to come and bust down your door? Your hands couldn’t move fast enough undoing the locks and pulling the door open. He looked at you with wide eyes as you stared up at him. His face softened at the sight of you but yours stayed stone cold. Your brows pinched together and full of anger. He looked you up and down. Other than your tank top and his hoodie you were just wearing pajama shorts that were hidden by the way his clothes swallowed your frame. His hair was short and his stubble was gone. He looked fresh and rested it surprised you but you wouldnt be distracted so easily. You rolled your eyes but he was too busy pushing his way into your apartment. Turning so you could object to his actions he grabbed your shoulders and slammed your back into the closing door until he had you pinned.

He was fast even through your discontent wiggling he had dropped his mouth to yours kissing you trying to work his tongue into your mouth but you refused to open. You ducked slightly below his chin so there was room for you to pull back. He took a step back to see what you were trying to accomplish but he was met with a sharp stinging to his left cheek.

You’d slapped him as hard as you could, sure the super-soldier barely felt it but you were trying to make a statement. He looked at you confused until he thought through his actions and the last time he’d seen you.

“It’s okay, Doll. I’m not mad at you anymore.”

You scoffed at his words,

“Well, I’m mad at you, asshole!”

“For what?” _Ah, there was the anger._

“For fucking screaming at me! For kicking me out! For disappearing! For making me feel like I was wrong! I watched my squadron it wasn’t my fault! I didn’t kill those people but you still blamed me!” Reliving it now made you even angrier than you already were. _Gah, fuck this guy_.

“Look, I know-“

“No! You look, James! I am not a fucking toy for you to play with and throw around. You don’t get to hit tables and scream at me when you’re mad. You don't get to walk in and out of my life and then show up here trying to kiss me. You’re not allowed to stomp into my room when all I am trying to do is survive and all you want is to fuck with my mind even more.”

“Survive? Is that what you’re doing here, doll?” He looked at you with piercing eyes. You could feel the rage starting to radiate from him.

“You don’t look great, baby girl. Those circles around your eyes you haven’t been sleeping. I saw you a week ago and you filled out MY hoodie a bit more than to. So did you just stop eating, or are you just unable to keep anything down?” He was starting to circle you like a hunt. Palpable anger radiated in the air as you tried to make yourself smaller.

“You fucking need me don’t you?” He snarled with a laugh when he asked. 

“No, I am doing fine. I was fine while you were off with _the Widow_.” You grit your teeth at her name and you could see his jaw clench.

“What’s wrong James? You couldn’t get it up for her? Ohh or you just couldn’t make her cum? Oh, I know! She probably-“ He swung his metal arm up and pinched your cheeks together causing your mouth to open.

“You’re going to want to shut your fucking mouth now, sweetheart” His jaw was flexing and his hand on your face wasn’t taking it easy on the pressure. You couldn’t help yourself, you were mad enough to poke this fucking bear.

“She didn’t want you, huh?” You seethed at him through pinched cheeks. His eyes went black and he threw his hold off of you forcing you down to the floor. He started walking away from you until he reached your bedroom door. He turned to face you with a devil's grin on his face.

“If you want to act like a _fucking bitch_ I am going to have to teach you a goddamn lesson.”

You scrambled to your knees sitting on the back of your heels looking up at him with confusion. Sitting on the ground in shock unable to react.

“Oh, doll what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?” He taunted you as he walked closer to you now. You shook your head no at him. He tsked at you.

“You sure?” He asked again but you couldn’t move you were just frozen. He couldn’t be serious.

“Open your mouth let me check.”

You looked up at him with your heart pounding and your brows furrowed in confusion.

"Wh- What?"

“Open your fucking mouth and stick out your tongue, doll.” He growled at you through closed teeth.

Holy shit, this motherfucker was serious. You did as you were told because quite honestly and you hated it but this was fucking hot.

You sat on your knees with your mouth stretched as wide as it would go and began sticking your tongue out. Before it was fully out he bent down and spit a wad of saliva into your mouth.

“Fucking swallow it.” He demanded and again you did.

“Open let me see it again.” circling your body so he was behind you now, but as soon as you heard the belt buckle you knew what was coming. You opened your mouth again keeping your tongue in this time and he walked around again in nothing but his briefs. You could see his hard length tenting already and it made the heat between your legs spread.

You hadn’t seen him like this in a week and now all cleaned up you could swoon at him like this. He was fucking perfect. He stood directly in front of you your eyes tried to stay on his face but from your peripherals, you could see his cock just inches from your lips. His eyes narrowed down at you.

“Oh, doll you don’t want to make me ask.”

You swallowed and your stomach flipped with anxiousness. You slipped your fingers around his waistband pulling down until he sprung up. You pulled his briefs down to his feet and he stepped out of them before looking at you with a raised brown, encouraging you. You grabbed his cock and could see the small bead of precum that sat on the tip. You rubbed your thumb around in it spreading it over the head. His body tensed and you leaned forward to take him in your mouth. You slid him in slow letting your mouth adjust to his size and as soon as your lips wrapped around him he let out a low hum.

“That’s my good fucking girl.” He moaned as your head began bobbing. You couldn’t help but whimper at his voice. You loved it when he praised you, even if you were being defiant tonight.

He grabbed your hair and gathered it behind your head. He looked down at you watching the way he was fucking your mouth. Your eyes opened and you looked at him through your lashes as your hand slid around the base of him. Suddenly, he placed his metal hand on your head holding you steady as his hips began thrusting into your mouth.

You sputtered and gagged at the sudden fullness in your throat. He didn’t see this as a reason to stop since his motions continued rough and fast.

“Fuck” he spat at you. You hummed back at him looking up at him again.

“You like this don't you? You’re such a fucking slut.”

"Mummmhummm" You continued your motions letting your throat relax to take him all the way in your mouth. You saw this as a challenge you wouldn’t be the first to break. You were going to make this man whimper and crumble at the touch of your skin on his. He was going to fucking shatter for you even if it killed you. You kept your head bobbing as his hips rocked in and out of your mouth letting him fuck your throat.

“Ah-ssssssss. Ah, fuck.” You recognized _those_ noises he was close and you knew it. His hips went faster and his motions were more desperate with each thrust. That was when you dropped your hands and mouth from him and stood up to stare in his face.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He snapped at you.

“You. Are. Pathetic.” You said to him as you walked past him and into your room. You felt on top of the fucking world. You’d been proud of making him feel small, showing him how insignificant he really was. _Even if it was just a lie._ Just for the pettiness of it all, you yelled over your shoulder.

“I’ll be out in five minutes and you better not fucking be here.” You held the door in your right hand and swung it behind you to close it. Instead of hearing a door latch you heard the banging of a metal arm onto the side of it. His body was menacing in the doorframe blocking you in. He was still naked but he had gone back to his clothing long enough to grab the belt from his pants.

“You want to be a brat that's fine. But I can promise you, baby girl I can be a bigger asshole.”

You felt your self shrink as he walked toward you. His strides were slow and methodical. When he stood an arms length distance he reached out and grabbed the zipper on the hoodie. Slowly pulling it down he exposed your pajamas under the large sweater.

“Take it all off and get on that fucking bed, now.” His tone was low and even if he wasn’t yelling it was as intimidating as possible. You shrugged the sweater from your shoulders with the rest of your body in a state of shock unable to move.

“What the FUCK DID I JUST SAY!” Now he was yelling and it woke you from your daze. You didn’t know what you were getting yourself into but holy shit weren't you excited to find out. You walked over to the bed completely naked now feeling a little meek under his stare.

“That’s daddy’s good girl.” He patted the foot of the bed. He was standing at the edge watching you curled against the pillows.

“Come here” He commanded.

You crawled to where he had instructed and sat with your feet hanging from the side of the bed. He closed the distance between you straddling your left leg as he raised his belt over your head. 


	12. Step 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another late upload but I am easily distracted. I hope you like this one I have a few songs I will recommend while reading this chapter but feel free to ignore me. Happy Valentine's day. 
> 
> Songs in this order:  
> Church- Fall Out Boy  
> Heal- Tom Odell  
> Wild Horses- The Rolling Stones

"You're going to learn what happens when you misbehave. You're going to learn that you need to be daddy's good girl." The belt now fully wrapped around your throat he pulled on the end of it tightening it around your airway.

Your eyes went wide with pure shock, he'd been harsh with words before. He'd tease you but never had he been physical like this. He must have sensed your unease as you withered under his hold.

"If you really want me to leave you now is the time to say so." You sat quietly staring into his bright blue eyes the last thing you wanted was for this to end. As fucked as it was you had missed him. Having him here even like this was the most content you'd felt in a week.

It was all so exciting but it was much more than that. He was right you hadn't been sleeping or eating. Since he left you'd not had a nightmare free night and eating seemed pointless. You'd survived but you were not thriving. Getting by was good enough but you'd lost him, your safe space. Having him stop or leave was the last thing in the world you wanted.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. I know how greedy _my_ girl is." His tone was low and it shook you to your core. He dropped his grasp on the belt and pushed your shoulders back so you fell flat back on the mattress. He grabbed both your legs and hoisted them up to wrap around his waist. His knee hit the bed right under your ass and he used his leg to move your body further up the bed as he crawled with you. When your head hit the pillows he traced his fingers down your torso until he reached your cunt. He let his fingers explore your folds feeling how wet sucking his cock had made you.

"You're so wet for me, gah you're such a fucking whore. All you did was suck my dick and you nearly creamed yourself." Your back arched lifting your body off the bed as your cunt looked for some friction feeling desire whirl inside you.

"Did you let anyone else touch you while I was gone?"

It wasn't an unreasonable question to ask. He'd been gone a little over a week and it only took him 2 days for you to get him in bed. It did sting a little though, he could call you a slut all day that didn't bother you it wasn't something you considered an insult. What bothered you was his blatant blindness for the affection you'd shown him. Like he couldn't tell how tightly he had you wound around his finer. It also brought up the question, _'did he touch anyone while he was gone?'_

That brought back the desperate need to piss him off. If he was mad if you were hurting him, he couldn't hurt you. While Dr. Clea would argue with you to the end of the earth about this being horrible logic but that was going to be a problem for another time.

"No, but it wasn't from a lack of trying." Your eyes narrowed at him and you smirked at the end of your statement. Testing him was proving to be interesting especially since you had his belt wrapped around your neck.

His jaw clenched and you could see his tongue scraping against his teeth. He was pissed so you continued.

"Sam really is a good friend. He refused to fuck me because he thinks you actually give a shit about me."

His eyes went wild at your words. His hand flew down and grabbed the end of the belt from the bed and pulled. Even with your airway constricted you managed to laugh at his anger. He leaned down so his face was inches from yours.

"Well, I'll be sure to tell him how wrong hE is about that." Your airway was constricted but the words that he spewed out hurt worse. You'd been testing him intentionally saying what you knew would upset him. But there was no doubt you wanted him to correct you. Tell you that it had been hell on him too being away from you. Tell you that he couldn't breathe and sleep was hard to come by. Instead, he showed up angry and you were getting the worst of it.

He suddenly removed the belt from your neck sat next to you on the edge of the bed. He grabbed your shoulders and had you lie over his lap. He landed a firm smack on your ass.

"You're saying you're not my girl?" He asked as he collected your wrists in his metal hand.

"Not a chance." You spat back out at him. You were pissed and you didn't care if he knew. But having him even if it was like this was the most ease you'd felt since he left and it was worth whatever 'punishment' he was going to dish out.

"Say the word honey for me, doll."

"honey"

"Good, now don't say that again until you want me to walk out of the door, you understand?" You shook your head, even in this bullshit he was taking care of you. Giving you a safeword so he only did what you could handle. It made your heart hurt a little more. He used his belt and wrapped it in figure 8 around your wrists placing your palms on the small of your back.

He stood in front of you before sinking to his knees. He pulled your legs from the floor and wrapped them around his shoulders. He took his time taking in the sight of the dripping mess between your thighs. His head dipped down and his tongue made quick work of finding your bundle of nerves.

"Oh, daddy yes." You moaned and then immediately cursed yourself for giving into him like that. For submitting to him. He growled at the sound of that on your lips.

"Mmmm," he looked up at you with his mouth still devouring your core. "You're so fucking soaked for me and you still try to act like you don't need me." He rolled his eyes at you as he continued lapping at your juices. He rolled his tongue down the length of your slit before coming back up to focus on your clit. He lifted his metal finger placing two of them into your soaking cunt. You could hear the juices puddling around his fingers as he worked you relentlessly. Your head bobbing up to look at him and smashing back into the mattress as soon as the pleasure started to overwhelm you.

"Fuck, daddy I'm gonna- oh fuck." His pace quickened his tongue bringing you to the edge. Your spasms began and your body shook beneath him. You rocked back and forth on your palms and your legs curled closer to you and off his shoulders. Your toes pointed out and a scream ripped from your throat as the ecstasy engulfed your entire body.

He grabbed your ankles before your legs got too close together and he dove back into your cunt. Mouth sucking on your stimulated clit giving it a small nibble with the tips of his teeth. Making you scream in blinding pleasure. He put his elbow down on your thigh pinning it to the bed and laid his hand across your torso and using his palm to pin your other thigh down. You couldn't move an inch no matter how much you wiggled. He was easily overpowering you showing you his true physical strength for the first time.

He used his free metal hand and shoved two fingers back into your dripping cunt. His fingers started moving in and out as his mouth stayed on your clit. The pain of the already worked up nerves in your clit mixed with his continual lapping made your eyes roll back into your head. Your overwhelming orgasm approached again and you felt a pressure in your belly erupting. You swore you could feel every inch of your body shaking uncontrollably as the painful overstimulation crashed into yet again. You gushed as your body writhed beneath him and he moaned as you soaked his face. Juices flying out of you in a way they never had before spraying all over him, you blinked at him in surprise waiting for his reaction. He pulled his hand from inside of you and slapped your core with an open-handed smack. You yelped at the sensation and he grinned up at you.

"That's my good fucking girl." He growled at you as he bent down to start drinking you up.

"You're doing so good, angel." He praised as he palmed himself desperate for the friction.

His fingers lifted and he kept pumping into you the feeling dulled by the amount of cum you were swimming in now. His head popped up from between your legs and he looked up at you.

"Do you want me to stop, baby girl? You sat quiet and still trying to process the words he was saying. Your brain had turned to absolute mush.

"Do you remember your word?" You shook your head and he gave you a sly smile and he dipped his head back down. Before he could even make contact with his mouth you shouted out,

"Bucky, I can't!"

"Oh, you can and you will. Until I think you've learned to be a good girl for me."

"Fuck. You." you hissed out at him, your blood boiling as it flowed through your veins.

"Oh, doll all you had to do was ask."

With one quick motion, he lifted you from the bed and spun you around grabbing at the loose end of the belt to position you how he wanted. He stood as he put you on your knees at the end of the bed pressing his metal arm on the small of your back. Your face buried into a pillow he slid into you without warning. You had soaked yourself at the sight of him so that wasn't the problem but accommodating his size was painful. He gave you no time to comfortably relax around him when he began slamming into you as fast as he could. Your cervix meeting the head of his cock again and again intoxicating you on the sweetest cocktail of pain and pleasure.

"You can be my good girl, can't you? With a sharp fast smack on your ass, you let out a loud wail. You could feel the skin raise as the small welt was forming. His motions relentlessly continued your tits bouncing up and down as he plowed into your body.

"I- Oh Fuck. I'm not your girl!" You yelled the words were challenging to get out having to use them to suppress your moans.

"Look at yourself, doll. How are you going to say you're not mine? You're crumbling for me, you squirted for me, and you fucking love it."

"Ah, fuck" He hit that spot deep inside of you making you let out an involuntary scream.

"Bucky, I can't!"

"Open your mouth, doll." You did as he asked and he snaked his metal fingers that were just inside of you around your head and into your mouth.

"Suck." He commanded. You clamped your lips over his fingers running your tongue down the length of each finger. Sucking them clean moaning as you were tasting the tang of yourself fill your mouth.

"You taste that, baby girl? That's mine," His pounding became harder as his pleasure grew.

"Say it!" he yelled as he pulled his hand from your face.

"No!" You yelled at him.

"Fucking, Ahh- Say it!"

"Bucky, I can't I can't." You let out a groan and threw your head back hoping the tears wouldn't leave your lash line.

"You're my girl. I'm not going anywhere until you say it!"

The words were sweet but his tone was angry. He was laying claim to you and making sure you knew it. He reached his hand down and around your thigh as he started working your clit. Your body began to shake with anticipation. You could feel the wave of pleasure building under your skin. Your head pounded in pain as your nerves fried as you came again all over his cock. Right before he reached his peak he said something so uncharacteristic of him. It surprised you even in your haze. He let out the quietest request,

"Please"

He began groaning before you could say anything feeling the pearls of cum shoot deep inside of your aching core. Filling you with himself in any way he could lay a claim to your body even if it was purely physical. You felt his heaving chest as he collapsed on top of you. His knee keeping most of his weight off of you his head fell to your back. His hand trailed up the side of your hip as he outlined your body with his fingertips. He slowly removed the belt from your wrists making you let out a sigh of relief. You pulled your hands to rest on the bed above your head, your face buried in the bed now. The red chafed skin was sensitive and irritated even as it ran over the soft sheets of your bed.

"Why can't you just be mine?" It was almost too quiet to hear as if he was talking to himself. You couldn't tell if the questions were even meant for your hears so you didn't respond. His head shook as his jaw moved against your skin. He lifted his head and peppered your skin with long slow kisses in between your shoulder blades.

Your mind couldn't process anything he was saying or doing it all just seemed like a blur. He lifted his head taking a moment to look down at you before he pushed off the bed and back onto his feet and you watched him walk naked into your bathroom.

When he returned he had a towel wrapped around his waist. You had rolled your body slightly to lie on your back knowing your body still had too much recovery to go through before you could properly move. Your limbs still shaking and your muscles tight feeling the lasting marks he'd left on you. He walked up to your nude sprawled out body before leaning down to wrap his hand around your back. You looked up at him confused but didn't have enough strength to fully fight him. He lifted your bridal style and your hands instinctively clasped around the back of his neck.

He looked down at your face briefly as he walked back in the direction of your bathroom. You couldn't help but stare up into his crystal blue eyes. His clean-shaven face helped the prominence of his jawline cut through his features and his lips were plusher than you remembered. He was a dream to look at and the last week without him had been nothing short of a nightmare.

You heard the running water and it broke you from your trance. You turned your head and saw the deep bathtub filling with water. He slowly eased you into the water letting you adapt to the warm water blanket that was covering your skin. As his hold on you released you pulled your knees to your chest and wrapped your hands around your legs as he shut off the faucet. The quiet sound of a dropped towel from his body was all you could hear before he was placing his foot in the water behind you. You shivered at his motions but deep down it was excited he stayed.

He sunk behind you in the tub sprawling his legs to either side of your body. He grabbed your shoulder and pulled your body back to relax on him as his hand traced your arm. You let yourself relax into him relishing in the warm comfort James always seemed to bring you. Your legs stretched out in front of you easing your muscles in the hot water and bath oil. He picked up a washcloth from the edge of the tub and submerged it in the warm water. Running it across your chest before ringing the water out below your chin and letting the suds fall over your neck.

You couldn't help yourself and maybe it was the way you had been gluten for pain but you spoke ever so softly with what was bothering the depths of your mind.

"James," was all you could manage. His hold on you got tighter and he wrapped his arms around your shoulders.

"Yes, darlin'?" He had concern in his voice he was bracing himself for you to scream at him again. For you to banish him from your room, from your life. He tensed as he heard the words come from your mouth.

"This is- we can't- I can't" You tried again and again but the words didn't feel right as they came out. You knew what you felt and what you wanted but the hardest thing to come to terms with was that your dignity had been crushed. Twice now, and you wanted nothing more than to glaze over it and let him hold you until the entire world went away but you couldn't live with that. Everything inside of you was a contradiction and you hated the way it was tearing you apart. This shouldn't be so complex but it was and it was both of your faults. You opened your mouth to speak again but the long silence had betrayed you and given him the notion that you couldn't properly think of what to say so he interjected.

"When I was gone all I could think about was getting back to you." His fingers ran over your face pulling your loose hair back and flat to your scalp. You couldn't help but sigh to that feeling the butterflies in your stomach erupt.

"I missed feeling you cuddled up next to me at night, the stupid way you make me feel when you call me James and the way you feel when I'm so deep inside of you." Your blush couldn't be hidden but the blame could be placed on the warm tub. Still, if he noticed he didn't say anything. He ran his hand up your middle and played ever so slightly with your nipple.

"I make you feel stupid, James?" you asked teasingly wiggling yourself back into him as if you weren't already undeniably as close as you could get. He growled as he buried his head into the side of your neck. His words left chills on your skin.

"In the best fucking way possible, baby girl." He let a small huff of air out and it made your skin night. You'd just had him and just like that with a few of his simple words you wanted him again. But then a pang of guilt washed over you when you remembered the way he'd spoken to you and the way you defied him on the bed the things you said back to him. Your head sunk into your chest before you let out the smallest whisper of a pathetic explanation.

"I didn't really try to fuck Sam, I just-"

"Shh, baby girl I know. I know." He kissed the top on your head and squeezed his arms giving you a small physical reassurance. He ran his hand up and down your arm to ease your guilt.

"It's like that with me though you know? I get called and have to leave sometimes even if I don't want to. I didn't want to leave I didn't want to be there with her. Every moment I was gone I only wanted to be back here with you."

You shook your head at him, still thinking about the fight you'd had before you left. He had told you he wasnt mad at you anymore but you were still hurt and last time he'd tried to fix it with flowers and now with a bubble bath. You wanted that to be enough but you knew you couldn't keep living fight to fight with him. So you decided to push your luck and you spoke up again.

"You know what you said before you left- I was really hurt. You can't just say things like that and then come back in thinking a bath is going to fix it."

"I just,-"

"I'm not finished." You cut him off feeling more reassured in your actions.

"Your temper hurts me and normal people don't do these things, James. You can't fly off the handle when you learn something about me that you don't like. I need care and support right now. I've already told you if you're going to be around me I need a safe space and I meant it. This is a boundary I have to set for myself." Dr. Clea's words on your tongue but you found strength in them.

He turned his body around you, straddling your legs his eyes bore into yours. Grabbing your cheeks he ran a finger across the tear that you didn't yet realize had fallen.

"I want to be that for you. I am so sorry, doll." He leaned in grabbing both sides of your face and pressed a deep longing kiss to your mouth. He pulled back looking into your eyes and you could see the slightest red irritation filling his eyes like he was on the verge of tears. That burst your heart open instantly.

"I did my job I wasnt the one who let the breach happen. I know that I covered my ground I watch everyone I know it wasnt me. But you made me think it was you made me think I was responsible for mass murder."

"I know. I am sorry, doll. Honest. I was hurting from what I saw and I saw it as an opportunity to rid myself of the guilt and I threw it on you."

"It wasnt your fault either, James. You just found them." He shook his head. There was no way he could have known there would be an incoming attack on the FBU but super soldier serum didn't modify the humanized way you would blame yourself for the death of so many innocents.

You leaned back into his lips letting him take full control of the kiss. He was slow and soft working his tongue most deliciously. Kissing you with purpose and intention for what felt like minutes but was more than likely an hour. When he finally pulled away the bathwater had gone cold and your teeth started chattering.

He stood slowly pulling the drain letting the lukewarm water escape down the drain. He wrapped his towel back around his waist before he lifted you out the same way he had moved you into the tub. Your hands wrapped around his neck again as he walked back into the room. He placed you on the edge of the bed to retrieve a towel. He helped dry your hair at the ends where it had sat in the bathwater. You felt a small settling wave of peace wash over you as he dried the trendles of your hair.

"Are you going to stay?" You asked him bracing yourself for him to laugh in your face. His hands stopped and he pulled the towel away from your head. He sank to his knee to be at your eye level.

"Only if you want me to, doll." He placed his hand on your thigh and your eyes dropped to see his large hand in comparison to your thigh. You placed your hands over him before looking back up into his ocean eyes.

"Please." You'd kiss the ground he walked on if he stayed with you if he held you while you slept. Truly slept without the tv on or the fear of waking up screaming. For reasons bigger than even you couldn't understand Bucky was your safe space.

"Oh, doll" he sighed noticing the tears rolling out onto your cheeks. He wrapped both arms around you pulling you flush to his bare chest.

"We should go to my room, I think my sheets are much cleaner." You both huffed out a small laugh and you nuzzled your head deeper into his chest. His hand moved to cradle the back of your head as he covered you in affection kissing your forehead and trailing his hand up and down your back.

"I told you already. You're my girl, and I'm not going anywhere."


	13. Step 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is fluffy. That's it that's the author's note.
> 
> Hozier- Like Real People Do

Finally, the world stopped around you every time you closed your eyes. You hadn't had any kind of dreams in days. Bucky's arms proving once again to be the only place your mind was at peace. It was hard waking up next to him your body soar from the fucked out state you'd been in the night before. And having to talk again about the way his temper was building a wedge between you always felt like holding a match to the fire. Words wouldn't be enough anymore you needed action from him. You deserved nothing less. 

You'd felt yourself developing a habit of following your heart into the _fire_ that was Bucky. He had broken you down through your unyielding desire for one another. It had been more than the need to rid your brain of the numbing pain that was tattooed to the center of your brain. Bucky's hold on you felt real and not simply in a physical way. You'd been drawn to him since you met him. 

It was disappointing to learn he was an asshole. But it was devastating to know that he was a paragon. A gentile man covered in 100 years of scars. But he burned you badly and left you to pick up the pieces up off the floor. The deepest pain came and you were alone having to hold yourself together doing nothing more than surviving. When you jumped back into this it was with the intention of keeping your heart guarded. Building a castle around your vulnerabilities and keeping him at the gate. But even the road to hell was paved with good intentions. Your wall had crumbled into a pile of pebbles sunk to the bottom of the river and was being washed away with the stream. 

It had been painfully obvious that you needed him there when you slept. So he stayed with you or you stayed with him it was usually the ladder since he had more upgrades in his apartment than you did. The FBU had set you up remotely on a secure server in the Stark Compound so working had become a part of your day to day again. Dr. Clea saw the benefits of trying to normalize your routine and it kept your mind busy. It felt weird at first to sit in a cubicle in an office you didn't know surrounded by people who were not your coworkers. But if you stood and leaned over to your left you could see Bucky's desk and the comfort of having him that close gave you the courage to power through. 

Working together, living together, sleeping together, and _sleeping together._ There was hardly a time of day you and he weren't in the same room. As annoying as it all sounds it really just felt easy. 

He had been home a little over a week before he had to leave again. You didn't know where he was going and you knew better than to ask. The answer he gave you would either hurt you or make you worry more. He had promised that if he had to leave again he would try his hardest to make sure you had a warning. If not from him then another agent. Knowing he was coming back to you, that he still wanted you, and that he didn't want to leave you made the blow of not having him around a little less painful. He was in his gear when he burst into the pool room. The door flung open so fast that even under the water you could hear the way the metal door connected with the cinderblock walls. 

"Doll!" He called out as you were already on your way to the side where he was standing. You pulled yourself from the water worried that he was going to tell you he was leaving. You saw it coming in his urgency, in his uniform. You looked down at your hands as you reached the top of the ladder standing in front of him. Hoping that if you didn't look at him he didn't have to leave. 

"I should be back tonight, baby. Don't pout." 

Your eyes stung with the threat of tears. You wanted to be strong for him so he could focus. You didn't want him out there distracted especially if it because of you. You tried your best to swallow the lump in your throat.

"How much time do you have?"

"I need to be out in-" he looked down at his watch and back up at you. He lifted his hand under your chin and pulled your head up to look at him. "I should have left three minutes ago." He said in a solemn voice. He pulled you into him wrapping both arms around you. The leather of his jacket squelched between you as you dripped pool water onto the floor.

"Please-"

"I will." He cut you off knowing what you were going to say. Honesty you didn't even know what you were going to say.

_Please be safe. Please come back. Please don't go._

"Sam is coming with me so they are sending an agent to stand outside your room until I get back." His palm reached for the back of your head as he placed small gentile kisses on your scalp. He pulled back slightly to catch his lips on yours. The fire sparking between you all over again like it did every time he kissed you. Far too soon his back was turning to face you and he disappeared out of sight. 

You decided to cut your swim short. You wanted to wait up for him and all that swimming was good for rather than toning your muscles was making you tired as fuck. You grabbed your robe and wrapped it around you before heading back to Bucky's apartment.

When you turned into the living sector leaving the hill you saw a man standing outside your apartment. He looked like a tall baby couldn't be a day over 19. He had to be straight out of training and here he was stuck with the grunt work. Poor kid. 

You smiled as you got closer to him his sandy brown hair cut short and his jaw prominent. He was a string bean of a man who you could probably take out if you tried. So much for a bodyguard. You said hello but he stood still staring at the wall unwilling to break concentration. This was a basement owned by Stark Industries, not fucking Buckingham Palace but he was still guarding you like you were the damn queen. You rolled your eyes in annoyance at his blatant disregard of human interactions. You bent your head down close to his name tag to read it. 

"Nice to meet you, agent Keener." You said as you walked past him walking into Bucky's apartment. 

\--------------

After your shower, you pulled on one of his t-shirts. Over the last few weeks, his laundry loads had just about doubled. It was hard not to steal his clothes. Pulling it over your head the smell wrapped around you and you melted into it. You grabbed a box of crackers from Bucky's kitchenette. Since your stunt of not eating he made sure there were always snacks around. Knowing it was easier to make you eat when you weren't really paying attention.

You made quick work of getting yourself comfortable on the couch. Pulling the grey plush blanket to drape over your body. Flipping through the channels until you landed on something mind-numbing enough. You'd convinced yourself that Bucky was able to upgrade his bathroom the way it had been himself. When he had the remote you would find yourselves watching hours of HGTV together. 

It felt like minutes but it had been hours since you'd fallen asleep cuddled up on the couch. The credits to Property Brothers rolled quietly over the tv as you stirred. You woke to a soft kiss on your forehead. Before opening your eyes you felt the smile creep across your face knowing he was back. You felt your muscles moving from their stiffness as you stretched across the length of the couch. Opening your eyes you stood and threw your arms up stretching. Offering him a show of your ass with nothing on under his t-shirt but your underwear. You smirked at yourself feeling very pleased with your little tease. When you turned to face him your jaw hit the floor. 

"Oh my god!"

"I'm okay, doll. Promise."

"Bucky what-" You frantically walked to the other side of the couch grabbing his face in your hand. You moved his face side to side as you frantically examined every inch of it. His upper lip was red with blood. Bruises littered his arm and face. One of his eyes was slightly swollen from what looked to be a nose injury. The purple around his eye brought out the crystal blue of his iris. 

"I told you to-" You could punch him. Kill him really but by the looks of it, someone had already tried to. 

"I know, doll. I was- it just there was a little fight that's all." His arms reached up and grabbed your shoulders gliding his hands up your arms until he held your hands in his. 

"I really am fine." He pulled you closer. Your arms wrapped around him. Holding him closer than you thought possible. Seeing him being thrown around was one thing. But even then he hadn't been this mangled afterward. You couldn't even begin to imagine the kind of beating this must have been. The thought of someone hurting your - uh your Bucky like this was enough to make your skin crawl. You hated the unease this brought you and even more, you hated that he had put you in the position to have to worry about him like this. 

His hands traveled down your body until his fingers dug into your hips. "I missed you." He said with a shy smile. His tone was soft and warm and sent goosebumps all over your body. He hadn't been away from you for more than a few hours but you'd not spent an hour without him in over a week now. It was easy to miss him the moment he left. 

"I missed you too, James." You said nuzzling your head gently into his chest. He growled at his name coming from your lips. He made a face every time you called him James a mischievous grin accompanied with smoldering dark eyes. You rolled your eyes. 

"I still don't get why that makes you feel stupid."

"Oh you wouldn't though would you?" Bucky's brow raised as he gave you a small grin.

"I'm just saying it's your name it doesn't make sense." You let out a little nervous giggle. His eyes were studying your every movement and you couldn't help but notice the way his gaze contained a lot more sentiment than usual. You turned your head to the side slightly uncomfortable with the attention. Bucky was good at visual flirting it was something he took pride in you could tell. He knew how to make you melt without a word or a touch. 

"You don't have to hear it coming from that perfect little mouth of yours." Although sometimes his words did turn you into a puddle. He pinched your chin leaning in for a light kiss. Avoiding the swelling on his nose you kissed him back with nothing but affection. Even if he had been an idiot and gotten himself beat up he was your idiot. When he pulled back he noticed your blush and took it as a way to open himself even more to you. His tone changed as he kept his eyes piercing into yours. 

"You know for the longest time-," he reached behind his waist and grabbed your hand pulling it onto his metal palm. His eyes dancing across the hold he had on you. Watching your delicate flesh intertwine with his dense prosthetic. "-I was trying to get away from James for so long. I just wanted to be Bucky again. To be the soldier I was before _that_ day. The small-town kid from Indiana. After a while and spending too much time wrestling with myself I guess I realized that the man who fell from the train really had died that day."

You squeezed his hand giving him nonverbal confirmation. Wanting to know that you'd heard him really heard him. He looked up into your eyes and his gaze bore into your soul. Those ocean eyes you could swim in for days giving you the sweetest look and it almost all felt like a dream. 

"Whoever he was. Whoever you are. I'm just glad you're here now." You smiled at him again offering a small grin with your confession. "That's all that matters, Buck. Even if you are just a bag of bruises." You looked him up and down though you couldn't see anything through his gear. There were these special moments like this one now where you could feel the open way he would bear his true self to you. You encouraged it and even gave in sharing the things you had tried to defend and detur him from. Offering the words out loud giving you weak spots that only he could see. But it was all stemming from the need you felt to be closer to him and you hoped that's what he had been feeling too. 

"When I hear you call me James I feel stupid forever trying to not be him." Your face grew red with a flash of blush. He had been so sweet the last few days slowly offering these small emissions of his past. The vulnerable side of Bucky was one that made your insides explode with affection. 

You grabbed his hand and lead him to the bathroom. He silently followed lingering on your hand as you pulled away. Reaching for the faucet you started the water to the shower for him. Covered in sweat and blood and who knows what else. 

Turning around you saw him staring at you. That same sentiment that made you nervous burning from his eyes. You stepped closer to him wordlessly reaching down to undo his belt. You unzipped his pants as he stood still watching your movements hands slack by his side. You kept eye contact as your hands moved below his waist. The way your hands were shaking was something you were trying to ignore as you pushed his pants below the curve of his thigh muscles. Next was the leather jacket. Removing it and his undershirt you could see the new dark colors that decorated his ribs it made you flinch seeing the pain suffered clear as day. You couldn't help but stare at him. His body was chiseled from stone, each contour of muscle was turning into another. His smooth slightly tanned skin was peppered with scars, visible veins, and now bruises were the only thing interrupting his perfect flesh. His jawline was visible from every angle and as you stared up at the slightly scruffy chin you felt butterflies erupt in your belly. This incredibly gorgeous man looking down at you was yours as you were completely and totally his. 

The sight of him always made your core ache. Your eyes danced over his body feeling the need collect in your stomach you noticed the small metal chain around his neck. It was new or new to you at least. You went to reach out for it but his hand flew up and grabbed your wrist stopping you from touching it. 

"Take that shirt off, baby." You lifted your arms above your head waiting for him to pull it off. Pulling your shirt off his hand cascaded down the side of your breast following the curve of your ribs to your stomach. He hooked his hand into your pink underwear pulling them below your hips and watching them slip to the floor. You grabbed his hand again leading him into the shower. 

You'd showered before your nap so you were able to focus on him completely. You grabbed a cloth and soap lathering it up and rubbing gently over his ribs. You watched your hand run up and down the expanse of his body loving the way you could see his muscles relax with every swipe of your hand. The dirt and blood collecting in the drain. 

You couldn't stand it anymore. You pulled him in kissing him on the lips letting your body sink into his injuries be damned. He leaned back into you deepening the kiss. His tongue slipped over your lip and you opened for him letting him dominate your mouth. You couldn't help the little moan that came out when his tongue swept over yours. He gave a small growl in response. 

He reached behind you and shut off the drain without his mouth ever leaving yours. You could tell this was leading back to his bedroom. Where he could take his time and he could take care of you after. Where you could melt into each other's skin and let the world slip by. 

"I need you, doll." His words causing you to mewl beneath him. Your body had lost its connection with your brain and your neediness overcame any idea of sense you had. He kissed you deeper and you pulled his bottom lip into your mouth and bit down as it scrapped your teeth. The rough bite made his body shake and he hissed in pain. You wrapped your hands around his neck and he pulled your chest to his. 

"You're such a fucking brat." He huffed out with a laugh.

Coming into contact with the bed your head fell back onto the mattress as Bucky was above you. He'd removed himself from your contact and your hands moved behind your head as you watched his next moves. He propped his arms up on either side of your head caging your head between his thick strong arms. 

You gave him a knowing grin and his lips fell back into you. His body fell on top of yours. Your skin screaming for him. His other hand scanned your chest as he palmed at your breasts grabbing them in his hand flicking your nipples just enough to stiffen them. Your hips raised from the bed arching your back to connect your pelvis with his. He took this as an opportunity to place a slow tender kiss on your lips. 

His tongue traveled down to your nipple leaving a small trail behind it he circled your breasts causing you to let out sweet little gasps every time the sensation ran through you. You shuddered as the kisses moved back up to your neck leaving your skin riddled with chills. His hand traveled lower into your folds feeling how wet you were. He hummed in approval as he teased you. 

"You want daddy to fuck you, baby girl?" 

"Yes,"

"My girl" he hummed into your ear as he lined himself up to you. His hand moved to his shaft coating the head of his cock in your juices. You could feel the way he ran up and down your cunt. Teasing your electrified clit with his sweeping motions. You grabbed both of his biceps and let your nails scrape down the metal and flesh. He seethed as you drew blood from the bruised skin on his right arm. He slid into you slowly letting your cunt stretch around him accommodating to his size. 

As he fully entered you both simultaneously let out a grunt of relief. Your head pulled back and he went forward further burrowing himself into you. Your legs flew up and wrapped around his torso as he moved inside of you. Going slow at first letting himself feeling every ripple inside of your body. Having him inside of you knowing you couldn't get any closer drove you wild. You could feel him in your stomach as his gentile pace quickly sped up. 

He pumped in and out of you letting your body rock into his. You were so reactive to his touch falling to pieces below him. His cock was hitting your g spot perfectly and it made your breathing uneven. His hand finding your clit he rubbed tight deliberate circles with his callused fingertips 

"Oh Bucky, please I-" You could feel your impending orgasm. You squeezed your eyes closed and let it wash over you. Your core clenched as you came all over him letting your juices sloppily fall out as his movements sped again. 

"That's my good girl, that's my good fucking girl. Yesss baby ah fuck" 

"Ahhhh Fuckk Bucky" You screamed as your back arched and you slammed your head back. He spilled his warm seed into you. Thrusting his hips until the life left his movements. 

His brow drenched in sweat and his body broken down you pulled him down next to you letting him recover. You'd had a nice nap while he acquired the injuries he wore so prominently. You reached across the both of you pulling the blanket over your tired bodies and let his head fall to your stomach. His arm wrapped around finding the silhouette of your torso before he placed a small kiss just under where his head rested. Your fingers moved through his hair giving him light soothing scratches all over his scalp. You could feel the way his breathing slowly steadied before he drifted into sleep. 

\-------------------

When Bucky got the call to go he knew that he wanted to let you know. He couldn't imagine how he would feel if you just didn't show up for dinner and he didn't want to do that to you. Running to the apartments he yelled your name looking in the different rooms trying to find you. He noticed when he got to your place that your gym bag wasn't there so he headed that way next. 

He had been staying late at work finishing the second file of reports of the casualties at the FBU office. The previous images had caused such a painful physical and mental reaction from him that he had needed the week to recover from the paperwork. It had been a week and the CIA was starting to lose patience with him. Especially since he still had to file about the kid's parents he found when he was out with Nat. 

It wasn't a great look that dead bodies were turning up wherever Bucky was going. Sam had told him that they found a warehouse in the city where some known harmless hydra agents were hiding out. Harmless information until they found out that the Natural was with them. They hadn't been able to find his location since the day he left your house a wreck by throwing the former Avengers into the walls. Bucky had learned to control his combative passion over the years. He didn't want to kill anyone anymore. Not since he got his brain back under his control but the way the Natural had ruined _his doll_ the way he had hurt you made him sick. He didn't care if this kid was 18. 

Bucky was bloodthirsty. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has me feeling weird idk I hope you guys like it. I am going through some personal stuff right now and my mind is just all over the place. I am going to try and have next week's chapter up on time but I cannot promise I will have an update next week. Sorry guys but after next week we should all be good and back on schedule. :)
> 
> p.s. can we appreciate bruised up Bucky 🥵


	14. Step 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm sorry there was no update last week but I hope this chapter coming out early will grant me a little bit of forgiveness lol. This is this week's chapter so we will continue with Sunday updates starting next week.

**_***TRIGGER WARNINGS*** Talk of murder, attempted homicide, dead parents, name-calling during sex, and this one ends on a cliffhanger so I'm sorry but I love you._ **

** Twelve hours earlier: **

Bucky sat at his desk mentally spent as he riffled through another batch of corpse files. The gruesome scene he'd found weeks ago replaying in his mind on a never-ending loop. An endless stack of paperwork kept him late at his desk. Filling out the details and filing them away for his handlers. It was an exhausting task but one he happily did for the amount of freedom he had been allowed. He wanted to be done he missed you. The only thing he ever wanted to do was lay in bed and watch his drowsy doll draw circles on his chest.

His phone rang buzzing in his pocket.

"Barnes."

"We got a location on the Natural. They're hold up in a warehouse in the meatpacking district."

"How long we got?"

"I'm on my way in now. They're gassing up a quinjet we should be out in about 15 minutes. I'll meet you on the tarmac."

Bucky ran frantically up and down the hallways searching in every room trying to find any trace of you he wanted to say goodbye. He knew he wouldn't be gone long because there was no indication that they would need to bring a go-bag. Even though the city wasn't more than a five-minute flight. But Bucky didn't feel right leaving without so much as a word. He felt that little pull in his heart. He knew the root of he was just too scared to talk or think about it. Even still, he couldn't leave the compound without at least giving you a kiss. He needed just one more kiss, always.

He could've practically pulled you out of the pool and not felt bad about it. Even while the water dripped down his legs and squelched under his boots the only thing he could think of was the way you felt against him. His own peace of mind had been heavily related to you recently. You'd given him a way to feel like he belonged that no one had ever been able to give him. Not Sam, not Nat not even Steve this was different for him this was more to him.

As soon as he got to the Quinjet Sam gave him a little bit more description but refused to let them in on the plan. Sam did this a lot to avoid paperwork which Bucky always had to pick up the slack on because of his imprisonment status.

"Sam you know one of these days you're just going to have to admit you don't know how to do paperwork!" He looked at Bucky and rolled his eyes.

"Or can you not read, man?" Bucky pulled his lips back baring his teeth in a sarcastic face. When Bucky would get annoying Sam knew the best way to deal with him was to put distance between them. He jumped off the open jet door and

Irritated as he begrudgingly sat with his arms crossed on the quinjet waiting for arrival Bucky watched his partner jump out of a plane to get away from him. It was a short flight there but it was the safest to fly by quinjet. Reflector shields were the best camouflage arriving at the warehouse since Iron Man there hasn't been too many UFOs flying around the city.

Bucky and Sam met on the roof of the building. nodding at one another to signal they were ready. They entered through a window at the far right corner of the building. The dust and darkness concealed them but the silence of it all was too dreary to see past. They looked at each other eyes wide waiting for the unexpected and surprisingly enough it never came. Crouching through the building trying their best to stay as quiet as possible they found themselves more confused than anything else. Searching for sightings of life, a sound, a movement, a light but nothing came Sam called out to Bucky a little louder than a whisper

"What the hell is going on?"

"hey, your guess is as good as mine, man. What the hell was even said when we got this tip are we sure it's not just another prank call?"

Sam rolled his eyes, Bucky always seemed to be the skeptic which is fine but Sam hated being the optimistic one it didn't fit his personality that well either. Bucky walked through the door frame trying his best to avoid the creaking of the industrial metal door. He turned quietly and walked along the wall trying to keep his eyes peeled and senses on alert even if this was just another prank call every situation they were in had to be treated like life and death. He knew that now he learned too many times the hard way but there were too many people out there who wanted them dead. Sam followed closely behind searching the perimeter with Redwing deployed his eyes glued to the band on his arm giving away any room infrared signatures.

"I got six people south side corner looks like they're underground." Bucky looked at him confused. It didnt make sense for a warehouse to have a basement.   
  


Sam lead the way turning down hallways through different corridors until they got closer to the sounds. The occupants were not trying to be quiet they were just far away so when the Captains America made themselves known to be present the noise continued.

"Well well well, if it isn't my favorite superheroes or should I say, Avengers? Maybe you're not using either of those titles anymore, huh?" Buck rolled his eyes again

"The fuck is wrong with this kid man? Why is it always getting under our skin he never shuts up either?"

Sam gave out a half-hearted laugh sometimes Bucky really did sound like a 100-year-old man. Sam decided to be a little more forthcoming with his questioning

"What the hell is going on, man? Why did you let us know you were here and what the hell do you want?"

"Maybe we should be asking the Winter soldier? Murdering another set of innocent parents?" Bucky tried holding it together by grinding his teeth it made the vein on his forehead pop out as he tensed. "Oh, yeah that's right I know about your days with Hydra. The contract killer. You killed your friend Tony's parents too didn't you? I guess I should be flattered if that's what you do to your friends but I was hoping that we were more of acquaintances at this point."

Bucky snapped with that. He grabbed the kid's neck wrapping his metal arm around his windpipe ready to crush it. The Hydra goons crept from the shadows pulling out anything to get Bucky off this kid. Sam kept most of them at bay but Bucky refusing to move or give up his hold gave a few of the agents opportunities to get some good hits in. Throwing pieces of rubbage from old unloaded pallets long-forgotten slamming into every part of Bucky's body. His hold held strong and he could feel the veins in his own forehead straining in his state of pure rage.

"Bucky, common man!" Sam yelled over his shoulder. The voice of reason was being ignored inside Bucky's head and he was pretty sure he would be able to block out Sam's voice too. "Think about-" he started to say your name but seeing as they were in mixed company he stopped himself. "Think about doll. They'll take you away from her if you kill him." He spat out trying anything to get Bucky to ease up. With those simple words, Bucky's hand released his hold on the Naturals throat dropping him to the ground. Your face flashed through Bucky's mind again. His gaze going glossy as the images danced in his head.

"The tin man does have a heart?" The Natural was writhing on the ground trying to catch his breath and laugh at the same time. Bucky gave him a swift kick to the face knocking him unconscious. Once he was down and cuffed he and Sam rounded up the rest of the Hydra loyalists in the building and handed the reigns over to the CIA. Bucky for obvious reasons was no longer granted access to the interrogation room. So they sent him home to you.   
  
  


Now as he lay in bed with your pretty little head propped up on your chest he could feel your hands wracking patters across his chest. He thought about where his already fading bruises and the source of pain behind them. The kind of pain that radiated in you. He knew there was no way in hell that was the last time he was going to get his hands on that kid. Sam was right they would take you away from him if he killed someone in cold blood like that. Bucky couldn't stand the idea of that so he just needed to make sure the next time he was alone with the son of a bitch there were no witnesses.   
  
  


\-------------

You woke earlier than usual maybe off-put by the fact that Bucky was still cuddled around you. By now his early morning departures had become a part of your routine. Looking over your shoulder to see the yellow bruised supper soldier spooning you, you let out a little giggle. Your hands traveled down to rest over his that were clasped around your waist.

"Good morning, doll." He said whispering into your ear sending a wave of stimulation down your body. The feeling of being tangled up with him completely naked was one that you didnt think you could ever grow tired of.

"How are you feeling this morning?" He gave a big yawn and stretch his limbs briefly before answering you.

"I'm a little worse for wear but I'll live to fight another day."

"Well good now it's my turn to kick your ass." You said as you turned to face him wagging your finger in his face.

"Now come on, doll. Where's the love in that?" He said as he flinched back rolling out of the bed before you could get too close.

"Scaring the shit out of me coming home every shade of purple, you think that's fair?" You threw a pillow at him gently and he deflected it keeping the banter strong.

"No, I suppose it's not, doll." He groaned as he moved from the bed feeling every bruise as his body rolled. 

"Are you going to the med bay to get looked at?" You asked but it was more of a demand on your part. 

"Baby, I'm fine." Though the serum had cleared up most of his bruises by accelerating his healing your nerves were still a little fried.

"James"

"Really, I'm okay." He walked across the room to you wrapping you in a hug. You stood stiff with your arms crossed trying to keep up your tough exterior even though both of you knew all too well that you were always putty in his hands. "Let me prove it to you." He said offering a flirtatious wink. You gave him a glare trying your best to hold back a smirk at his suggestive tone. 

"Oh, Sarge what-ever did you have in mind?" He spun you around so you were standing with your back facing the bed as he leads you down to sit back on the plush mattress.

"I have a few ideas."

"Show me." You challenged him not able to hold back the warmth rising in you. Without another word, he sunk to his knees keeping his eyes on yours. 

He leaned over you kissing just below your navel letting his tongue poke out and tease your warm sensitive flesh. The touch making you shiver. He hummed in approval at your responsiveness. 

"My girl.." the words coming from deep in his chest growling their way from his lips. His mouth kept moving lower and lower with each simple love bite. The air was buzzing as he teased you. Your arms lifted to lean back on your elbows as you watched him move across your body. He kissed your inner thighs sending flaming signals of need to your core. 

"Bucky" You let out carried on a breath. 

"My beautiful-" he paused to kiss your right thigh, "-sweet" another pause this time your left tight, "-amazing" lower on your right thigh, "-perfect" lower on your left thigh, "-good" he made contact with your folds causing your muscles to contract at the short relief. "-girl." 

He dove in after that. His fingers moving through your folds feeling how wet you were for him. He slipped a finger inside feeling you clench around him your body vibrating for the contact. Lapping your juices he groaned as the sweet taste filled his senses. 

"Oh, yes James- please." He had touched you before, made you cum so many times but this time as you watched him move between your legs a familiar feeling enveloped you. One that had been there as a puddle or leaky faucet had transformed into a wave crashing into you and knocking you off balance. 

The sexiest man you had ever seen taking his time with you. The way he was consumed by nothing but making you feel absolutely euphoric. You sat there in a state of shock. This beautiful boy is here showing you each part of himself. A literal superhero brought to his knees by the idea of your existence. Your hand clasped around your mouth as you tried to hold in whatever emotion was coursing through you. His hands finding the spot inside of you over and over as he curled his fingers into the deepest parts of your warm wet core. He consumed every bit of you savoring the sweet nectar he loved oh so much. Your hand dropped from your face as your lips gasped the sweetest moans and he sped up his motions. Letting his hands and mouth take their time tracing your body you were desperate to have him inside of you.

"James," you gasped as the pleasure grew, "I need you." His eye twinkled as your request washed over him. He stood briefly before propping himself above you holding his weight on his arms. Veins bulging from his bicep from the strain. 

Taking his length in your hand you hummed at his utter perfection. How perfect he looked like this above you and melting into you. His lips found yours as your juices made their way from his mouth to yours. Your tongue darted out and he shuttered at the contact. Your hand lined him up to your core and you rubbed the tip over your soaking cunt. Legs parted you greedily took him into you. You felt him enter you as his head dropped to watch how you opened up for him.

"Fuck you feel so good, baby girl." He said bucking his hips up into you. His motions collected at a perfect pace shooting pleasure through your body as he rammed into your cervix "Oh fuck, doll." His hands were in your hair holding it out of the way so he could watch your mewling as you were taking him. Working him into a blubbering mess on gratification. "You're such a good fucking girl you know that, baby? You're my good fucking girl. Look at that pretty fucking pussy stretch out for daddy. " You loved when he worked himself into these tangents of dirty talk. His voice would growl and you could hear each word in his deepest tones it sent so much more of a craving for him to your brain. 

"I want to taste you, Bucky." You moaned as your pleasure was about to peak. 

"Of course you do. My dirty fucking whore wants daddy to fucking come in her mouth. She loves being daddy's little slut doesn't she?" He slapped your clit as his pace started to slow indicating that he was getting close. You yelped at the contact.

"Yes, please daddy let me taste you." You begged. 

"Say it, princess."

"I love being your slut daddy."

"Yes, I know you do. Oh fuck, baby." His hand darted back between your folds as he stimulated your clit. Working it perfectly, he had memorized the very pressure and speed your body needed. It just felt like a dance he had memorized by now. "You have to cum on daddy's big fucking cock first though, can you do that for me?"

"Oh fuck, Ahh yes- Bucky I'm close." His hips snapped into you with more pressure his balls slapping your ass with the contact. "Oh fuck, I'm coming daddy. Don't stop fuck."

"There's my good girl. That's right baby you cum for daddy." You swam in your pleasure as it overtook all of your senses. You screamed as you came hard on him. "Ah fuck" You yelped as his touch became too much. 

"Come here, doll." He said as he pulled out of you and pumped himself in his hand. You laid your tongue out flat letting the head graze it as he continued his movements. You needed this you needed to taste him. You wanted to watch the all-mighty Avenger crumble to his most vulnerable state all for you. It felt like laying claim to him grounding you making it feel real. He was real. 

"Oh, fuck" he moaned out one last time as the ropes of warm white cum spilled into your mouth. You could feel it hit the back of your throat as it began sliding down making its way to your empty belly. 

The sweet salt-stained your lips as he rolled over to lay his heaving body next to you. Gulping for air you watched his lungs fill and collapse. His eyes still closed while sweat dripped from his brow and it made your heart completely fall apart. You took his hand as you stared up at the ceiling his head still leaning back. You ever so softly breathed, 

"Bucky."

"Yes?"

"I don't think you have to go to the med bay." You laughed and he followed suit. 

\-----------

Bucky took the day off of work since he'd been out late the night before so you took a half-day to spend time with him. You wanted to dote on him a bit since the sight of seeing him covered in bruises shook you up a bit. Walking into the apartment after the morning in the office you called out to an empty living room. 

"Honey, I'm home." You were met with nothing but silence. Since you got back around lunchtime Bucky had a plate of food waiting for you on the counter. He was not going to let you take care of him clearly since he was so consumed in caring for you. You picked up the fork stabbing the pile of leafy greens on the side of the plate before taking a bite as you stood in the kitchen kicking your shoes off. Walking back to the plate you saw a stack of folders sitting on the counter. You absentmindedly flipped open the manilla file exposing its contents. 

_**Agent Barnes and Agent Romanoff stayed in proximity to Katherine and Marv Greene. (Parents of Richard Greene AKA The Natural) Little to no movement was seen throughout the first two days. Marv left at approx. 14:28 to go to the drycleaners and returned at approx. 14:43. Katherine left at approx. 20:47 to head to an establishment called, "Buff Boyzz" She returned to the home at 02:22.** _

"What are you doing?" Bucky was walking from the bedroom in your direction. He startled you and you closed the folder quickly trying to recover. His brows pierced when he saw you he's demeanor went dark. 

"Nothing."

"You can't read my files."

"I know, I'm-"

"No, It's classified and it's dangerous. You don't understand." You huffed an annoyed laugh at that. 

"Well, how could I?" _The sarcasm was strong in your tone._ "We don't ever fucking talk about this shit. I learned more from Sam in one night than I learned from you in the last month about anything that happens outside of the fucking hill! You come home after being gone for days or covered head to toe in bruises and I am just supposed to take it at face fucking value."

"Yeah, you are. I told you that it was going to be like that with me and you still said you would be my girl! I am doing _everything_ I can _all_ the time to be here with you to make sure you know that I am coming back."

"Well, that doesn't work for me! And what happens when you don't, James? What happens when you just leave one day and you don't come back? What am I supposed to do then?"

"That won't happen."

"Oh really? Because those bruises weren't supposed to happen either. You looked in my face and told me that you were going to be safe. You came home covered.-" Your voice began cracking as the tears gathered in your eyes. "You can't keep making promises you can't keep. It's not fair."

"I am _trying_ here, doll. What do you want from me? There is only _so_ much I can do. But you reading these files isn't the way."

"I want to know why you twitch in your sleep. I want to know why when we watch an action movie you stare at the wall instead of at the screen. I want to see you, Bucky. You know all of me. You've seen my broken and my ugly and you lo... _like_ me. And I _can't_ if I don't _..._ I mean I want to but _I can't._ " You stopped yourself before your heightened emotions let something slip you weren't ready for. "I want to know the good and the bad." Your tears began spilling over creating a stream down your cheek. 

"Oh, doll." He closed the space between you scooping you into his arms. He lifted you to the couch holding your body close to his as if you would disappear if you were close enough to him. "My girl." Your head sat on the crook of his neck as you remained on his lap. He stroked the skin on your calf that was folded on the cushion next to him. "If you want to talk about it we can _carefully_ talk about it but there are things in here that you cant know. It would hurt you to see or put you in danger. I just need to keep you safe." 

"So you were watching his parent's house?"

"We were trying to find him. Looking for a way to get into their lives hoping they could lead us to him."

"Why did they make you and Nat do that? Isn't that the CIA's job?"

"Well, I work f... _very_ closely with the CIA. When they deal with _abnormal_ people like The Natural they prefer to use their own _abnormal_ people. It helps reduce casualties. Plus me and Tash don't have a spotless pass so I think they get a kick out of making us do bitch work."

"Tash." you rolled the nickname over on your tongue it didn't feel right coming from you. Which is maybe why you'd only ever heard him call her that. "You broke up eight months ago?" He let out a loud long breath as his hand tightened around your waist. 

"Yes, do you want to talk about that too, doll?" you nodded your head into his chest as your hand absentmindedly ran over the threads of his sweater. "Yeah, I figured this was coming."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah I bitch slapped the hell out of Sam when he told me that he accidentally told you. I wasn't ready to have that conversation with you yet. She's intimidating I didn't want to scare you away."

"Tell me what happened, please."


End file.
